My son is four. I am thirty-six. He is my only child. His father broke up with us and moved out at the end of August this year. In September my son and I moved into a new house. Also in September he started kindergarten in a new school. At first my son's dad came by at least once a week, now he hasn't seen our son in over a week. My son has begun acting up at school. This is totally not like him. He used to love school, now he doesn't even want to go.

He has emotional outbursts at school, he refuses to listen to the teachers directions, and yesterday he actually threw something at her! His dayhome provider told me she saw him do this when she arrived to pick him up from school. I couldn't believe the child his dayhome provider was talking about was my wonderful well-behaved son!

Someone please tell me this ends. Please tell me my little boy is going to adjust to losing his dad.

I can tell you that a break up, new house and new school all in the matter of 1 - 1 1/2 months is tough on a kid that age. In July of last year, we moved out of my parents house and into our brand new one just the 2 of us, I started babysitting a friend's child while she worked at night, he started school and stopped going to daycare within 5 weeks. That was alot for me to take in and I'm an adult. After the first 2 days of school, his principal knew him by name and his teacher wanted to have a conference. He adjusted as the year went on, but it took lots of time and attention. Just give him time, patience and tons of love. It is hard to get use to that many changes at one time, especially when you are that small. Hopefully he hasn't lost his dad. Maybe dad has an explaination for not showing in over a week, but I wouldn't worry until it becomes more like a month. He may just need time to adjust, too.

BTW, welcome to the site!!!

Hi takwakin,
I think that is good advice. I think it sounds like you are doing a good job. Hang in there and give it some time. I would also like to emphasize that it is especially very important right now to make sure you give him some very good one on one time where you can really talk about things. Even the simplest things, with no distractions, because everything is changing and is new. Don't worry too much about his dad....your son will figure all this out eventually. I read somewhere...A child only needs one person in their life to make them FEEL like the most important person in the world. I think that holds a lot of truth to it. It is very important to listen to him right now and hear his worries and concerns and daily activities as he sees it. It is also important for him to see you be ok with all of that so that he can see you two as an able family. In other words face and embrace. Take care and keep us posted. Karen

quote:

Originally posted by takwakin:
[qb] My son is four. I am thirty-six. He is my only child. His father broke up with us and moved out at the end of August this year. In September my son and I moved into a new house. Also in September he started kindergarten in a new school. At first my son's dad came by at least once a week, now he hasn't seen our son in over a week. My son has begun acting up at school. This is totally not like him. He used to love school, now he doesn't even want to go.

He has emotional outbursts at school, he refuses to listen to the teachers directions, and yesterday he actually threw something at her! His dayhome provider told me she saw him do this when she arrived to pick him up from school. I couldn't believe the child his dayhome provider was talking about was my wonderful well-behaved son!

Someone please tell me this ends. Please tell me my little boy is going to adjust to losing his dad. [/qb]

Hello, and welcome to you!

I'm experiencing the same type of behavior from my son in the past week (per his kindergarten teacher). She expressed that he has made some new friends that don't come from the same type of disciplined home/structure. I spoke with my son that evening, not to, but with. I allowed him to tell me everything that was bothering/upsetting him that I wasn't aware of. He shared that he doesn't like me going to school. Wow, I respected his candor, and explained to him that mommy is doing something that is going to help him become the best man ever. Me going to school two nights a week doesn't mean I won't give him lots of hugs, kissessssssssssssss, and his time, but I must do this. I told him that I don't cry when he goes to school...I smile because he is such a big boy and is showing mommy every day that he can do IT....He understood and said, "I won't cry anymore mommy. I will be your big boy and good in school. I don't want my teacher to think that I'm being a bad boy."

He misses my close friend of a year, too. I know that there some underlying factor. I'm a woman that can show him how to love, treat, and respect a woman. I can't teach my son how to be a man. My friend, and his buddy, will be spending some all MALE time together.

In conclusion, change no matter how much or little, has a tremendous effect on our children. Although their resili ence is much higher than our adult ones, its difficult. We have to reassure them that they are safe and that mommy is doing the best she can for all of us....

Peace to you...

Hello-

I am brand new to this, but I know exactly what you are going through. I have two boys 4 and 9. I got divorced while pregnant with our second child. He became physically abusive to me. My 4 year old, doesn't really know his dad. He only comes around once a year. My 9 year old had a horrible time adjusting. When he started Kindergarten there was a lot of separation anxiety, and agression. He overturned a table onto another student in 1st grade! Now he is in 4th grade and emotionally depressed, but he holds everything in.. The greatest thing I ever did was to get him in therapy. He has an outlet other than me, who he is afraid to hurt. Didn't mean to ramble on, but your story touched home. Please keep me informed as to how he is doing.

Jen

I went through the same thing with my son. I do agree that you need to show him patience and lots of love. My ex went over 3 months without even speaking to our kids. My son rebeled in a huge way. He stood up at the dinner table one night and peed all over everything. Now if that's not a statement?! The next day he bite a kid in choir at school, hard too.
I phone and made an appointment with a psychologist. Both my kids have been seeing him once a week.
What I have learned so far...While they need to know that they are loved very much. I have to learn to be more stern with them. They need to know what is acceptable and what is not acceptable behavior. He needs to learn how to determine why he is angry and address that person calmly.
It has been an uphil battle, but from December til now there has been a very noticeable difference.
Good luck to you!

Hi all,

I just thought I would update everyone on this...

Well, his dad finally showed up after a month of being MIA. He was hanging out with his older kids out of town (he actually has 7 kids all together including my son).

Anyway, my son has adjusted to not having his dad around. He is back to having fun at school and enjoying himself.

To his credit his dad hasn't let that much time lapse between visits since then. He is over at least once a week - sometimes more.

Myself, I am trying to let go and let God but I am finding it so difficult. Oh well, that is a story for another time.

I just thought I would let everyone know that things turned out ok.