I don't want to appear as a whiner, but I need someone to tell me that they understand the way I feel and that everything will be ok. My son will be 10 in 1 week. I am happy being a single mother, I mean I've been doing it for 10 years.I have so much going on in my life that I don't think that I could handle the complications of a relationship in the mix of things.I must admit though, that I do wish prince charming was out there somewhere. I have been attending college for some time now and will finish my Bachelors degree this July. I am also a certified law enforcement officer, but am not working in the field right now. I mean, who can work those crazy hours as a single mom and feel that they are doing the right thing in their childs life. Right now, I'm living off from savings, tax money, and financial aid from school, oh and a credit card with a huge balance. I have had my own place since I was 18, but it is less than 100 yards from my parents house. This has always been great as far as my son having his grandparents around. He has always stayed with them until I either got off from work or got home from school. I know that my mom feels that she has the right to tell me what to do, but sometimes I believe that she feels that she is my sons mother instead of the grandmother. I can not even count the times that I have said no to something and she turns around and gives in to my son anyway. It drives me nuts! I want so much to finish this degree that I am working on, get a great job somewhere, and move away from this city that I have lived in my entire life. But, then I think "There goes the only normal, steady, thing in my life if I move away from my hometown." I feel like I have not accompished much in my life, yet I know that I have. I should be proud of myself for having a great son, three college degrees(even though I can not find a decent job with them), a mobile home that is not a house, but it is my home, and it is paid for, an automobile, etc..I know that I am very lucky in those aspects, yet I still feel like my life is out of control. I don't really talk to anyone besides my mother and an ex of 8 years that still believes that the 2 of us have a future. I love him as a friend, but do not see myself spending the rest of my life with him.He calls about 10 times a day. This is yet another thing that drives me crazy. He always wants to know why I didn't answer the phone or where I was, etc. Is it normal to feel this overwhelmed about life, or am I just being selfish? If you have any advice or need a new friend, please email. Thanks!fulltimemom

Hey fulltimemom, Welcome! ok first of all, sounds like you are doing very well, you should be proud!

As for the grandmother syndrome... I'm not sure there is a way around it. When I was married if one of them came over they would automatically override me, give things that I didn't allow, etc. They think it is their privelege but I think that doesn't work when they live just minutes away and visit more than once a week.

You sound a lot like me. Sounds like you are sticking with the comfort zone... I did that. I just made a huge move out of it though. I was living in the town I grew up in, I knew everybody around since I was a kid (including most neighbors, most shoppers at the grocery store -- did I mention I also spent about 7 yrs teaching in that town's school system?) It was really feeling pathetic. It was holding me back in relationships, in the workforce -- that knowing everybody always in some way weighed on decisions. I did NOT want that for my kids. SO, I sold my house and had to split equity with the ex. I couldn't afford anything in that town. I held off on selling for a couple of years as I didn't want to leave the town, didn't want to leave the neighborhood. Well, I'm 3 weeks into my new home... 2 states away!

I got a job (will start in a week), got a great house for $100K LESS than I sold mine for, the girls are making friends... I'm loving it. We were at a bday party on Saturday and I was in awe, I realized I'm sitting here with all these moms and there isnt one snot, one person I know everything about their past, they don't know me yet it was fun and enjoyable and they were all very friendly. I'm already making friends.

It has been the best most refreshing experience and although I'm scared **** I'm hugely proud of myself. I did it, I Broke Out! You know what, I haven't looked back once!

So the point of this all is, don't let yourself sit in that comfy cozy rut even though you know there are nicer happier ones out there that just need some building up..... I truly believe that doing something for yourself to improve yourself all around will ONLY benefit the young man you are raising.

I only have a moment right now but will post again soon.

I understand EXACTLY how you feel too FTM. I feel the same way.

WELCOME TO THE SITE - There are lots of friends, support, advice, laughs to share!

:welcome:

quote:

Originally posted by SueP:
[qb] Hey fulltimemom, Welcome! ok first of all, sounds like you are doing very well, you should be proud!

As for the grandmother syndrome... I'm not sure there is a way around it. When I was married if one of them came over they would automatically override me, give things that I didn't allow, etc. They think it is their privelege but I think that doesn't work when they live just minutes away and visit more than once a week.

You sound a lot like me. Sounds like you are sticking with the comfort zone... I did that. I just made a huge move out of it though. I was living in the town I grew up in, I knew everybody around since I was a kid (including most neighbors, most shoppers at the grocery store -- did I mention I also spent about 7 yrs teaching in that town's school system?) It was really feeling pathetic. It was holding me back in relationships, in the workforce -- that knowing everybody always in some way weighed on decisions. I did NOT want that for my kids. SO, I sold my house and had to split equity with the ex. I couldn't afford anything in that town. I held off on selling for a couple of years as I didn't want to leave the town, didn't want to leave the neighborhood. Well, I'm 3 weeks into my new home... 2 states away!

I got a job (will start in a week), got a great house for $100K LESS than I sold mine for, the girls are making friends... I'm loving it. We were at a bday party on Saturday and I was in awe, I realized I'm sitting here with all these moms and there isnt one snot, one person I know everything about their past, they don't know me yet it was fun and enjoyable and they were all very friendly. I'm already making friends.

It has been the best most refreshing experience and although I'm scared shitless I'm hugely proud of myself. I did it, I Broke Out! You know what, I haven't looked back once!

So the point of this all is, don't let yourself sit in that comfy cozy rut even though you know there are nicer happier ones out there that just need some building up..... I truly believe that doing something for yourself to improve yourself all around will ONLY benefit the young man you are raising. [/qb]

Thanks so much for the uplifting reply. I feel better already!You make me believe that there is hope, and you should be very proud of yourself ! Congratulations on your move, job, etc...I hope that once I am able, that I will be able to venture away from my comfort zone also. I believe that it will do me good to get away from this small South Georgia town. I bet you were and still are pretty scared to make such drastic life changes. I would be too. I wish you and your kids the very best!fulltimemom

I do know how you feel, I think it is a natural thing to go through. My mom was like that when I lived back home, but when I moved 2hrs away it got a lot better. Have you tried talking to your parents about this problem, because on one hand I miss not having any of my family here but it has also made me a much stronger person.

You should be very proud of yourself, having all those degrees and raising a child on your own. Just keep up the good work girl, and be proud of yourself and your accomplishments.

I also know about the significant others feeling, I left my ex in 2004 and I am just not ready for another relationship. I think a part of me is scared to go through it again, but that is also a part of life.

Best Wishes Hun!

Fulltimemom
I know how you feel. I have 2 boys, 6 and 9 and have been single for nearly 4 years. I finished my second bachelors degree with honours, and have been working part time in this degree for the last year. My Mum and Dad, although I am greatful for their support still tell me what to do, and give the boys things even if I say no. I know that completing the degree with two young children is an achievement but I still feel as though it isn't that big of a deal. I am just wondering when...maybe I should be saying IF...a single mum ever feels as though she isn't trying to juggle kids, work, if you are lucky (or maybe unlucky) a partner, and heaven forbid...allow yourself some room in your life as well.

Hey Everyone~ Congratulations to all of you! You have many accomplishments - What inspiration! It's taking me so long just to get an Associates Degree!

I am a single mother of two children (2 and 5.) I work full-time an hour away from home. I also go to school one to two nights a week (depending on the session.)
I have a wonderful network of friends and family to talk to or lean on. It is wonderful -> the comfort of knowing I am not completely alone. If I run into a conflict (needing to work late, going to school,) they are more than willing to help me out.
The problem is this: I feel like I have so many people that weigh on my decisions. I'm supposed to do things this way or that way. I'm supposed to be happy in our 'nice little town' (hasn't been nice for years.) I'm supposed to stay close to family. I should quit my job in Indy and find a job closer to home (making half the $.)

:::I should go to this family function, I must do this now, wait, need to do this too or someone is going to be upset.::: --> My thoughts. I feel like I am constantly running around or anxious from weighing so many opinions.

Even though I completely accept my responsibilities as a single parent, I feel like a child half the time. I used to be scared to move away from town, away from family. I realize that to get the relaxed life I want, I most likely need to move away from town and closer to work. I plan to move by this summer. I have moments that I think 'wow - I won't have any family there,' but I remind myself, they won't be too far and I will finally have the space I need to be the mother I want to be.

I can totally relate! I actually live with my parents right now!! You can't get any closer. Although, 11 years ago I moved from GA to AZ. I was scared to death, my family hated me for it and I only had my ex-husband (husband at the time) and my dog. It turned into the most memorable and life changing experience I've ever known. I was able to travel and see new places (CA, Mexico, Las Vegas!!!, etc.) all within driving distance. I made some tremendous friends, had a wonderful sales career, realized my husband wasn't the man for me and got a divorce, 4 years later met a new man and became pregnant with the most beautiful little girl I've ever seen. All this in a span of 10 years. I would not have given up the experience for the world.

In the end, I want my daughter to be raised with the same values that I grew up with being around my parents. Coming home was the first thing I thought of. Do I get frustrated? YES

I recommend you move within a couple of hours of where you are now. That seems like the best of both worlds! Remember, even if everyone disagrees with you, you are the only one who knows what is right for YOU! A lot of people will be mad but they will get over it. My mom called me right before I moved away and said some hurtful things and pretty much disowned me. That hurt a lot. Although, in about a year she got over it and apologized. I'm willing to bet since you have a child they will forgive you in much less time. Take Care!

Hey fulltimemom, I know exactly what your going through. I'm 31 with a 7yr old daughter and i live with my parents and sister. So basically my child has 3 mothers.The troubles come and go my sister who is single with no kids is actually worse than my mother. Although my mom is no slouch.I'm very grateful to my family for what they do but they think because i owe them they say and do what they want. So end result is i have a spoiled rotten 7yr old who thinks she is queen of the universe.Only lately has my mother come to terms with the fact that she has alot to do with my childs unruly behavior.But with all that i can honestly say i wouldn't want it any other way. My folks adore her and are able to give her a life i can't right now.So tough it out I agree with Traci no matter what you do they will forgive for the sake of your kids.I say all the time how i can't wait to get my own place but the truth is i will never live more than 15 mins away.And it's ok to feel selfish sometimes you have that right. Good luck and congradulations on all your achievements
Kerry

Hi,

I'll be your friend lol! We have a lot in common. I've been in school since I was 22 years old (I'll be 33 this month). I too became a certified law enforcement officer, but wasn't sure if I wanted to work in the field so I went on for my BA in Criminal Justice.

I worked full time and owned my own house. I decided I was tired of stretching out school for so long, and after having a bout of mental illness (seriously), I sold my house and moved in with parents to complete my degree. Not more than five months later I became pregnant and graduated two months before my daughter was born.

Now she is 2 1/2 and I'm in my final semester of graduate school, getting my Master of Social Work degree. We live in public housing, off student loans and the state.

I'm sitting here, weeks behind in school work, the washing machine is broken, the cat won't stop peeing on the furniture and the kid won't take a nap...

I spent my rent money at the friggin' laundry mat and I'm just so stressed out right now I can't even breathe.

So yeh, I'll be your friend

Oh wow you have alot on your plate. I guess as single parents, especially moms we all find ourselves in your situation. My Mom kept my daughter from the time she was 12 weeks old until she turned 3. It was a good arraingement and I only paid her $50 a week. The drawback of course was her telling me how I could and could not raise my child. The final straw was when my mother told me she had the right to tell me what I could do with my daughter because she kept her during the day. That was enough for me and I enrolled my daughter in daycare. Yes, I have had to make some changes in my lifestyle (200 a month verses 600), but all and all they have been worth it.

You have to decide how important is it too stay in you comfort zone. You have a paid for home and you are able to pursue your degree without having to work. If you sold your home and had to work full time, put your son in after school care could you handle the changes, do you want th changes. How important is it for your parents to step back and be grandparents and not another set of parents overriding oyur authority.

I will have to say since Aug things have improved greatly and my Mom now stays out of me being a parent. It also helps that I live about 40 minutes away.

Good Luck in your decision