Hi, I am glad I found this site,
I am 37 mom of three, 2 from my first marriage, 17, and 14, I met a man during hard times, he was my new boss, we started dating, he was great with the kids, I ran the business and he took care of the kids, sounds great, huh, well I thought so but then we moved in with him and I got pregnant and everything changed he was very verbally abusive, I ran a Bar, and when anyone came in he would say I was looking at them etc. I got crazy, I could'nt have friends, wear pants anymore, only dresses, he started alot of crazy, rules, but he was still good to the kids, I dealt with it, well the business burnt down and we had to move in the middle of the night to my mom's me 9mths pregnant, 6mths later we bought a house far away, I thought getting out of the area, he would be less jealous, his friend bought the house in their name, because he wanted to wait for the business problem to finish, he became a dictator to everyone now, and he knew we where far enough away from everyone, the kids had to get straight A's they couldn't watch TV, if the did'nt eat everything on their plates they had to go to their rooms, for days, my daughter had to wear dresses to school, there are so many things, I could go on, well she rebeled and ran away, and then he started to get on my son, and the baby was just going to next, so I left, I have been staying at my mom's for 2 mths but she lives in adult community and we can't stay here with kids, I can't return to work at this point I collect Social Security, I applied for housing assistance and have an appointment 10/29, than I have 30 days to find a place, and they will pay for two years, he put me down so much, I am so scared, I don't want to fail,I feel much better since I left mentally, but I am always questioning myself, maybe I am just a loser! any advice?
Is there any support groups in NJ.

Thank you all for listening.
Jane

they say when someone tells you something often enough you start to believe it. You have to search deep inside yourself to find your strength of spirit. I am sure your a strong woman but had the bad luck to meet a real loser (and sounds psycho at that!) Remember that- he is the loser, not you! You are smart enough that you got away from him b4 he really hurt you (or one of the kids) which sounds like he was capable of it....Just keep looking forward and never doubt yourself. Even if things seem tough now, just remember all you went through being with that guy, and remember-you can only go up from here!
By the way, you sure he didnt burn the place down? I'd be pretty suspicious of someone like that doing that sort of thing.....
Well, good luck and welcome to this site- Its really a great one!
Lisa

It is a weak person (in this case a man) that has to control someone else to feel as if they are powerful. You are intelligent, strong, and capable woman. You took the needed steps to protect not only your children but yourself. So many women stay out of fear, but you have been so very brave. Stay on that path, nothing good can come out of living in fear.

Has your daughter come back? You said she ran off. I do hope she is with you.

I would suggest if you haven't already that you get a restraining order from the courts. Just having his child is not a reason for him to be able to come around. Make sure that legally he will have to do it right and nice (if the judge allows it at all.)

I hate hearing stories like this. I've been in a milder version of your story. I hated myself for feeling so weak that I allowed it to happen. I blamed myself for not having seen it coming. I tortured myself over it and was so terrified that I would let it happen again. None of these thoughts were justified. I hadn't done anything wrong. I had been manipulated and pulled along like a puppet on a string - but the whole time he had manipulated me in such a way that I couldn't see it until after the fact. You were trying to make a loving home for you and your children. You did nothing wrong. He preyed on those feelings like so many horrible people have in the past, present, and soon to be future. I hope and pray that one day, I won't have to read another story like this one, but if I do I hope it has a happy ending like yours is going to. Stay strong. Keep your family close. You only need those children and your family. Don't let him or any other man tell you that you are less without him. You and you alone are more than any 1 person could ever hope of being, because YOU are a MOM.

It's good that you got away. He sounds as though he would've eventually hurt one of you physically, and really bad. That was the smartest thing you could've done was to leave. I hope that your daughter has come back to you. I also hope that you find a place soon. It's good that you found the support you needed. Make sure you don't tell your ex anything about your plans. Stay focused and keep being brave. You should be proud of yourself for you and your kids. Too many people stay in situations because the alternative is too much work. You didn't and that's great. Be proud and stay focussed. I look forward to hearing more...please keep us posted. We are here for you even if you just need to vent. Peace Karen