Yep, once again a single Mom. Now, I have four children, and am back at my Moms. I have no car, no money, no checking acct., no credit cards, and my credit is majorally screwed...and am worse off now then the first time around. I am completely depressed and don't know how I'll ever get on my feet again. All of my dreams, shattered once again, so much to rebuild. I feel so stupid...but I love my children and I could never regret them...only my faults for getting myself into such a mess. If only there were magic wishes...How I wish I could be financially secure, so I could be independant once again. How my heart aches, four beautiful children, but no beautiful life memories one should have having four children. It seems it has been a complete struggle, and I've lost all of my youthful years. A time, I can never get back. I'm 34, soon to be 35, I've had two failed relationships, two children with each, and neither one worked out. I just want to cry...how will I ever get on my feet again...how will any man ever want me...am I destined to be a single mom and alone...I live my life day by day now trying not to think of everything, but some days are worse than others...

Welcome Rochelle. you are not destined to be a single mom any more than you were destined to make your bad decisions. We use the word destiny so often to relieve us of our resposibility. The fact is that you can change the way things turn out but there will be no magic cure. No simple solution. It will take a lot of hard work and determination.

You are a person with worth and importance. Rmember that.

You regret bad decisions. Good start. Use it.
Remember how you made them so that you learn form them. If you don't learn from them they remain bad decisions instead of evolving into life lessons.

Use the love you have for your children as the driving force for change. Do you have any kind of training? degree? If yes, work hard in it until you get on yoru feet. If no, look into one. It does make a difference.

Are you getting child support? With four children you should be.

Most of all, don't beat yourself down. You need all the people you can get in your corner, including yourself.

As far as youthful years go, they are over-rated. I say you have more fun the older you get and the mroe you start to appreciate what you have.

Schoolmommy has many good points to be heard in her post. Destiny is nothing without us to drive it.

I have my days when I sit here and stare at my 2 beautiful children and wonder if this is all I will ever be...a mother. I had so many dreams and I had never planned for life to be this way.

But on my good days, which are more now than the bad (a change from a couple of years...even a year ago) I remember that I had so many dreams and no practical experience or common sense to acheive them. Living life and falling on my face a few times gave me character. Broken hearts gave me a picture of what I really want...not what some storybook told me I should want. Without all the heartache in my life...I wouldn't appreciate what good things I have in my life now.

I'm now an independent, strong, beautiful woman who men get intimidated by instead of walk all over. And you know what - that feels good.

Take some time to write that sentence about yourself. I don't mean copy mine down...but develop your own. Until you can say who you are...which doesn't consist soley of 'mother of 4' how can you begin to share who you are with someone else?

Feel grateful to be able to enjoy your children. Feel grateful to have a mother who allows you to stay with her. Feel grateful every morning when you wake up breathing every morning. You have a goal too. Reading your post showed me that you have a goal to re-establish your credit, build your life back, move out of your mother's house and into your own, and develop a sense of home and good childhood memories to last a lifetime for your children. I didn't see any hopes for a man in there...the man is just additive to all of those. Write down those goals....plan them out...take your time...rash decisions have undesired results...and most importantly...use this site to vent as much as you need.

God Bless, hope to see you more around here.
B

Thanks for the support Schoolmommy and Blindsky! It's really sweet of both of you to take the time to reply.

Yes, no child support from either father. It's a long story.

I am very greatful for my mother's support though, both financially and emotionally, and we are very close. Seems we've both been through so much of the same pain with men, and we really understand each other and how one feels, so I am very fortunate. She has given us so much though, I just wish there was something we could do for her. My Mom and I have talked about it and she just looks at it as she'll help us now, and later when able, we can help her. I am very blessed when it comes to her and my children.

Like everyone, at times we think of our situation and dream of more. I look at my mom and my kids and I want to give them so... much, but am limited financially. When I worked, I was able to spoil them and I loved it! Now I don't get to and it's really hard sometimes.

I have been seperated from my ex-boyfriend (the father of my two littlest one's)for a year now, but he is still trying to pursue me, and I just wish he would let go. It would make my life so much easier.

Thank you so much for your support. It's nice talking with other people, especially other single parents. People who can relate, and/or who have been through similar hard times..

Best Wishes to you both, hope to talk to you both again...

Oh boy do I know how you feel. The best advice I can give you is get back on the horse. It is surprising how I can give the advice but never take it. Anyway think of your kids and what needs to be done for them. Find a job every thing takes time but belive me if you only look up you will quickly forget what is on the bottom.

Tammy

you're not the only one around here who's been around the block a couple of times. I married the first time, and had 2 amazing kids. Divorced him, only to get pregnant with another guy and then I went and MARRIED him (big mistake). He nearly destroyed my entire family, and so we've been split for 6 months now. He spent all my money, moved me to a rural area far from everyone I knew, ran up my credit cards, lied to me....Anyway, I went on welfare, moved in with my sister for 4 months and took whatever temp job came along. After 4 months of family support, I'm now renting my own home for me and my children, working full time around the corner, and feeling better than I have in years. It's all life lessons, and you have to be paying attention to know what they are. Listen to your heart, and listen to your children. It's our relationship with ourselves that matters more than anything. Until you figure that one out, and make yourself your own best friend, none of it will make sense to you.

We are all here together...we are the shoulders you can stand on.

"Yes, no child support from either father. It's a long story."

Long story or not, you owe it to your self and to all your children to get support for them from their fathers. Maybe if I knew why you wouldn't want it I would change my mind but I doubt it. It is every parents responsibility to help provide for their children and I really can't think of any exceptions to this rule. I hope for all of your sake that you will contact the state child support people where you live and ask them to help you.

Also 2 bad relationships doesn't make you a failure, I have children with 3 differant women. The first was an accident when I was really young but I have paid my child support for 16 years and am happy to contiue to do so. The other 3 are from to failed (unfortunately) marriages 2 live with me and one I have shared physical custody of. One mom pays me child support with the other there is no support because we split all cost (except our own household expenses) 50/50. I wish for my kids that things could have been differant but I don't feel like a failure and you shouldn't either. I know it can be hard to pick up the pieces and start over but you sound like someone who has done it before and can do it again. I wish you the best of luck.

Hi, I'm also new here and Wow, just reading your story and reflecting on my own. I'm a survivor of 1 Divorce with 3 children (now teenagers) and 1 relationship in tatters with 2 adopted children (ages 6 & 2)so I admire your courage and strength to seek for your future and that of your children. As hard as things may seem, its moments when our children sneek up and wrap their arms around us that make it all worth while (I remind myself of this often). There is so much you can do for your children without money, give them time and attention, baking, taking part in their interests and also your Mum who is so valuable (like my own). With my Mum its small gestures that she enjoys, like baking goods, telling her I Lover Her. Finding these things can become the task until you gain more strength to strive forward in the direction you wish to travel. All the best to you and your family.