Hi, I am new to the board. I am sure glad to find a place that I can ask questions and help others in return. Here is my dilema, I have a 6 yr. old girl who is absolutely the typical kid at home, but when she goes to school she becomes this child that I do not know. She is rude to other kids and her teacher, doesnt follow rules, and just today she deliberatly disobeyed an order to ride a different bus home with her cousin. We (myself, the teacher, principal and aunt) were all terrified. I have tried everything that I can think of to help her make me understand what the problem is, but it always ends up not working. If anyone can help me , I would greatly appreciate it.

Neeleak,

First, welcome to the board!

I am sorry I do not have much advice on your problem as I really have not encountered it much with my daughter. The few times I did she would tell me,"I don't know why I did it. My brain just told me to do it". Well I told her to get a grip on her brain and tell it that she has to do "the right things". Luckily that was a very short phase. It sounds as though your daughter is testing the waters or being defiant for some purpose of her own. She needs to understand this is unacceptable and dangerous behavior.

My only questions/advice: Have you asked her why she does these things? What are the circumstances when she does disobey?

Welcome again. Hopefully someone else will have better ideas for you.

C

Thank you CA for your wisdom. I have asked her why she does these things and like your daughter, she says I don't know. I have explained how dangerous and unacceptable her behavior has been, but it just doesn't seem to sink in. When she does disobey, she gets things that are very valuable "to her", taken away, she also has been sat in time out for 6 minutes each time she disobeys, but none has worked.

You might want to enforce that when she gets in trouble at school she gets in trouble at home. I know this is old fashioned but I have seen it work. Instead of time outs make her right 20 times "I will listen to my teacher at school" if the first time does not work then boost it to 25 and up it from there.
Groundings work at times also. If she can not behave at school she can't go visit friends because you can't trust her to behave. This is a good natural consequence to her actions.
Sometimes it is a matter of loosing fun. I know that sounds harsh but don't let her do any fun things outside of the house until she can behave at school.
Good luck, God bless.

neeleak,
I agree with 2many. The ante needs to be upped or at least changed. If what you are doing is not working then its time to change your tactics. I don't think 2many's suggestions sound harsh at all because hopefully it will be short term. Since this behavior is happening at school then as possibly a last resort ask the teachers to follow through as well. As for the time out thing.. I used it, it worked but after time out was over she had to explain to me exactly what she did wrong and how it was going to change in the future.

I totally agree with both of you(CA and 2many)about the new tactics. I will try them out and let you know how it goes. As for the teacher, I found out that my daughters dad and her stepsister also had the same teacher and I am just wondering if she is being singled out for pety stuff.? Her dad was quite a rebellion in school, as I am told. I will try talking to the teacher about enforcing my discipline, at school and see how that goes. I thank you both for your help.

i have a 6 year old little girl. she has taken up the habit of fibbing to me to get out of trouble. so i restricted her from watching TV, playing outside, and the radio for 4 days. each time she wanted to do something, i reminded her that she broke my rules so she must think about what she did and i am going to brake her fun. so to top it off, she lied to me again just 2 days before she was free. so on her last day, i made her do it all over again. she has 4 more days of no playing outside, TV, music, or anything else. today i sort of noticed that it sort of set in. so like you, i hope it works, i will let you know in a few days.

KMHdad,
I will keep my fingers crossed for you it sinks in fast and holds on tight!

CA,
thank you, so far she seems to be doing ok. but she also knows she is under the spot light. but i think she will be alot better, i hope

If it continues, you might think about involving the school therapist. My 6yr old is the opposite, she is an absolute darling angel at school, at home the other end. Last year she had problems more with sadness, so much so she would go to the nurse daily with stomach aches and it progressed to her just crying in the classroom. She literally, just simply wants to be with Mommy and worries about me during the day.

Sounds like your daughter's school issues are different but much what I go through here at home with her.... I guess she worries I'm not being tortured enough during the day while she's at school LOL

I'm going to go along with Sue here; although my sons are very much older I remember this sort of behaviour cropping up - there's something besides a lack of self dicipline going on here; and what 6 year old has any of that anyway?

I would suggest starting with her 'I don't know' answers. By saying 'I don't know', she's able to get away with not taking responsibility for her actions, because she's not admitting that she did something wrong. When you ask her a question and she answers with an 'I don't know', tell her she's grounded indefinately until she can give you an honest answer. (Even if it's just because she wanted to ride the bus with so-and-so instead of so-and-so.) No phone, no TV, no dessert, no friends. Once you get an answer from her, then you've opened up the lines of communication and you can go from there. It'll be easier to have a discussion with her once you have her in the position where she has to admit that she did something she knew was wrong. She'll figure out pretty quickly that she doesn't enjoy being grounded and that she actually has the power to end it whenever she wants.

Wow! I am new to the site but this hit home. I also have a 6 year old who is going through this stage mostly at home with the grandparents because she is the 1st and spoiled, I work over 60 hours a week, and married and divorced (father of the kids) the same man twice...I appreciate some of the words of wisdom provided tonight. There are some good tactics to try and I am going to try some of them this week.
Thanks

I totally agree with everyones advice. Some of the interventions I have tried and others I cannot wait to try.

I have an 8 year old with a complete lack of discipline. I half blame myself for letting it get this far and I half blame my parents for spoiling her rotten and never making her take any responsibility for her actions. The best part is when my mom says, "Why doesn't she listen to me?"

I just want to crack up laughing!!!

Anyways, awesome advice and I cannot wait to use the "I don't know" proceedure.

Best to everyone.

sounds wonderful...... am going 2 use some of these......