Ok Guys (and ladies),
Today is D-Day. Last night I was very bummed. I'm better this morning, just very nervous. Gotta call the court in 20 minutes and see when I am to head down to my "freedom". Yep, after today I will be single again. Big Deal.

Last night I tried to post a unbelievable long post, pouring out my heart and feelings... I hit something, I don't know... and it erased th whole thing. That didn't help things any. I let you all know later how it went. Hands are shaking.

Covet your prayers, positive thought, wishes for Good luck, etc.

Good luck and best wishes paul,
I hope today isn't too terribly hard on you.

I think you have started out amazingly well. Especially for your kids. Having been close to in your kids place (my mom was sleeping with Dad's best friend for YEARS before he found out), I know that they need to talk about it. Counseling will definitely help. They will be angry at mom... I loathed my mom for some time after the split (it took us all by surprise) and have had a real hard time forgiving her lover... how dare he break up our family! But it was the best thing that's ever happened to us. Both parents are re-married and very happy. They don't dare speak to each other, and just as well... But I know that if my parents had given me the chance for counseling, I would've been a lot better off. I think that CA is right... activities outside the home will help distract and heal. And most importantly (and I'm sure you know this) they must know AT ALL TIMES that you love them and are there for them... whenever.

Good luck... sounds like you are starting off on the right foot. I applaud you.

Good luck Paul and if you need to vent when it's all said and done, were here for you!

Today was such a crappy day!

Court scheduled me for tomorrow 12:30 pm. One more day of hell. So many other things wen't wrong today.

Ended up telling my realtor off for not finding me a home in the last 30 days (I did it politely,... mostly) for those of you who are realtors, really I'm an extremely fair guy. She was totaly NOT doing her job (didn't once call and say " Hey, I found a house, let's go see it). And I have to vacate by the end of the week. I found one in 24 hours, after viewing a couple hundred online and visting 20 in person in one day.

So anyway, tomorrow is now D-Day again. Thanks for all the support, LOTS going on tomorrow besides. I'll check in and let you know tomorrow night. My kids are so excited about the possible new house. Very cool to see them excited about something.

Sleep Fast All. Till Tomorrow.

Hi Paul
Don't realy know what to say to you but please try to stay positive about your new life. sassy

I just don't get it....

I just told my (now, officially ex)that the divorce is final. She didn't bat an eye... but, I'll get back to that in a minute here.

Today was just so hectic and torturous.
- Had a meeting first thing to close the sale of my house.
- Had a trade show where I was supposed to be manning a booth for my business. Had to leave that for a little while.
- Despite being early for the first come, first served default hearing today, the company that prepared my papers forgot the child support schedule and the property assignment schedule which I had to finish there before going into the courtroom.
- I was the last one called because of the dely from my paperwork.
- The judge almost denied the petition because of the shoddy way it was prepared. I explained that my ex had agreed to everything and the proof was that in the original served papers all of the parenting plan and property assigment was there when she signed for reciept of the papers and still had not contested.

I think the only reason he granted it was because I was so frazzled and worn by then that I was pretty near having an emotional breakdown by then. I was trying very hard to keep my composure.
He asked me A LOT of questions, lots more than anyone else. It was very,very difficult.

He noted that the settlement showed that I get everything; kids, house, car... and he asked how is this fair? I told him, in my ex's own words, she just wanted her freedom, nothing more.
I told him I didn't want child support, he said I didn't have a choice in the matter. I was an emotional basketcase. The thought that kept running through my mind was " This is just not right. This in not the way my life was supposed to be. I did not plan for this at all"

I know the judge could tell I was visibly shaken by the situation. He granted the divorce and all, and before leaving he looked at me and said " Good Luck, Son." I could barely reply. Hell, I could barely see. It took me a few minutes outside the courtroom so compose myself.

...Lots of other things happened too... but to continue with how I started, the judge said I have 24 hours to notify my ex, so since she was picking up my youngest, I figured I'd let her know after she returned and so I did. She (as I had susupected,) was not even aware of the date.
The only thing she could say was that she was mad at having to pay $117 a month in child support, which I told her I didn't want, and if at all possible would give back to her. She wasn't remorseful, or sorry or anything of the sort. Just stated if the situation were reversed that would be paying whole lot more. I told her that she was not making sense and that I would always take care of my kids anyway and I would not be upset about having to pay child support. They're MY KIDS! I just don't know what her problem is. ... So I just don' get it.

I am feeling such a loss, I can't describe it.

My ex just called as I posted the previous post.
She was calling to apologize for acting the way she did with the news I gave her.
She told me that WAS sorry for the ending of our marriage.
I told her I was very disappointed at her reaction, that money was the of the least importance regarding what happened today.
I told her I was very sad that the most important thing that I have ever been a part of ended today. I told her what I had to go through to get that accomplished and all she could do was complain about $117 a month. I told her I was very sad that this did not hold the same importance for her as it once did.

It's late. My kids are waiting for me to say "Good night."

May God comfort us all tonight.

Hey Paul,

You have truely captures our hearts here. Anyway, congrats on the judge granting your requests. Too bad your paperwork had a problem. Glad everything worked out for you. I think its wonderful about the house. Once you move, you will really start feeling like your new life has started, and that will help you move on emotionally as well. Stay positive for those kids. Even if you have to fake it. I find if I have to fake it, eventually I even convince myself. :balloon: Look at your quote. When you get settled in to your new place, you, and your kids, will be able to move on. It will put a "period" on the end of your old life and the space you need for your new life. Sorry if thats too hokey for you (I swear if we printed half this stuff on cards, we'd be rich, are you in?)
As for your ex, she obviously kept a lot from you, and attempting to understand her when she's not who you knew at all will be impossible. If she can walk away from her kids, and then complain over the pocket change she pays for child support, then you are better off, and so are those kids. Your ex wife is only concerned with herself. How sad for her. Let your kids know you love them every day.

Paul,
Still here listening. I hope you will get settled in your new place soon and that you will soon find some peace with all this mess. I agree here that it is all very sad that the one and only thing she heard during your conversation was in regard to the money. Shame on her...

How are your kids doing? I was wondering if they found anything outside the home to do yet as far as activities. I really do believe that that along with counceling will be a huge help for them.

Hang in there Paul and keep posting. We are here for you. Don't waste time thinking about what happened...try to focus on what is going to happen next. If you try to make sense of what she did, you only get your own answers, which is why they don't make sense in the first place. You can only begin healing when you let go of the pain and start focussing on your new changes that are happening, and the good that will come from that. Best wishes to you and your kids...I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Karen

quote:

Originally posted by paulj_in_phx:
[qb] I am a recently divorced dad of 3 extraordinary kids, 17, 14 and 10. I am truly blessed. My divorce will be final Feb. 22nd. I asked their mom to leave at the beginning of December after finding her having an affair with another woman. She claimed she had been hiding this "feeling" for a number of years during our 20 year Marriage. I am a very good man. (Not to down other men, but I have always worked very hard to be as good a "man" as possible to my wife and children, to be an example of what a father and husband should be). Now I find myself dealing with my youngest daughter crying at night because she misses her "Mommy" who was her whole world. My Son is very angry with this whole situation as his mother was his "Buddy" and has obviously abandoned him, no matter how much she visits. And my oldest daughter is very angry, and could care less if she ever saw her mother again. I run a rollercoaster on a daily basis between still being very much in love with the woman that I had planned to spend the rest of my life with and beating the living F*** out of this woman who is causing my children so much pain and sadness. I am very good to my ex, helping her as much as possbible, helping her get an apt. and basic necessities, supplying her with a celphone, and a vehicle during the week at no cost to her until she gets on her feet. I have full custody of our children and (Thank our Wonderful God) have no need of child support from her. I work very hard to help my children keep from developing a hateful attitude towards their mother,she was absolute stunning example of what a wife and mother should be, prior to this revelation, but I know that I will only be minimally successful at that. My children are homeschooled, always have been, which means I have my hands full. I am self-employed and run my own service business, which leaves me with only so much time with my children. I work out on a regular basis to help relieve stress and keep healthy, but somedays it really get to me, like this evening. I guess a lack of sleep is the thing I suffer from the most. Like I started out saying, I guess I'm just really looking for a place to vent more than anything else. My apologies ladies, because right now I am very angry with women. Deep down I have always considered women the most precious gift in life, but of course, since my wife left, that attitude has seriously changed. I don't wan't to feel like that. I am a very positive, happy-go-lucky person. But now, If I didn't have my kids, I don't know if would have the will to go on. I am in regular counseling, weekly, but I don't know anyone in my situation. Oh well, I guess I have vented enough. To anyone, thanks for listening. Have a good night, week, weekend. [/qb]

Hi Paul and welcome. You came to the right place to "vent." The feelings that you are not proud of, let me tell you, are normal. Don't be so hard on yourself. Because you are a good person and you DON'T want to feel that way, I assure you, it will change. I know, I've been there. Sadly, it wont' change as quickly as you would like. But, you MUST give yourself the opportunity to grieve properly. It could take a year, easily. You are doing the right thing to seek counseling. To kind of give you a break, could the older child(ren) go to public school? Just a though - I know you don't want to disrupt their lives anymore than they already have been or implement anything new right away.

Well, I'm proud that you did hold it together as best you could for the judge. I know it was hard, but you did it. By the sounds of things, you'll be much better off in the longrun. It's going to take time, trust me... but you'll get to a place where you can just be happy. You sound like such a great guy, and you deserve happiness, not deceit. Good luck, and keep us posted!!

Hey Paul, just catching up on this from yesterday. Glad you made it through your day, this stuff is hard as heck to go through. Man to man, when the children are nestled in for the night, go in a dark room and have a good cry if you haven't already.
Wish you and yours nothing but the best in your new life.

Hi Paul, it's been a few days since we last heard from you and am wondering how you and the kids are doing. We all have been through the pain and are here to listen and to help you in as many ways as we can. Consider us a diary that can talk back to you...I know it has helped me look at things differently.

Still listening here Paul. And great admiration for your strength. It takes a great man to go through what you are doing and not completely disintergrating.

Keep us up.