Sounds like there are more single fathers in my situation then I had realized.

I was very succesful in the U.S. Airforce happy with my job and life until my wife started using drugs and dropped off the face of the earth with all of the family savings. Me and my three young boys age 6, 3, and 2 are trying to rebuild but it has been a up hill battle. How does everybody cope with the stress? I have no bills except a house payment and a car payment when the dreded daycare came along and took 1500 a month to watch my boys. Being in the military I have no support network family is 1000 miles away. Its difficult to imagine having a wife that was a stay at home mother could affect my family like it has. I was hoping to get some advice from other single families and learn how to cope with the day to day reminders of what We once had.

First things first, you really should find some sort of support system. Family or friends, you cannot do it alone. Raising kids is the hardest job in the world and if you don�t have someone to lean on from time to time, you will crack! And that is the truth. First keep the kids busy (sports, school activities or church) to keep their mind off of the stress. Second make her family get more involved. And third DONT EVER let her take control of your situation or let her worm her way back in without paying. A mother who dismisses their children doesn�t give a damn and should never be let back into their lives. Unless for a visit. You are a strong strong man for stepping up to the plate but don�t ever be afraid to ask for help because it will be the most noble thing you will ever do. Chin Up!

Hi John...
Welcome to SFV!
First let me say that you need to know that it will get better. Not always easier but better when it comes to living the day to day. The emotional rawness that you and the boys have right now makes even the little things seem really difficult. As you settle into your new situation and really start to build toward your future you'll see that although all of you will miss what you had, you will also be able to build a new different life that can be wonderful. Check around your local community to see if there are any single parent groups or even just groups for parents..play groups etc on Saturdays..like mean_mom said...some sports...just to get to know some people. Make sure whenever you can take a little time for yourself even if it's only for 10 minutes after the boys go to bed. In the meantime...join in here or another site like it. There are lots of people out there who understand and will give you lots of feedback and support if you need it. Take baby steps...take one day at a time...and remember that this is her loss...love those babies and know that they'll be ok. They have a parent there who cares about them and loves them.
And if you ever need to bounce things off of anyone...bounce here...there are lots of wonderful people who will offer alot of support!

Tammy

Its pretty sad man, I am close to what you have sept my kids are old, and its hard to blame my ol lady cause she is scitzophernic.

You may want to check with the airforce and see if they can help, day care wise. There has to be some program. Allso I would get the divorce going and out of the way before she sees the light, and then the crappy court system takes a bleeding heart approach and she get the kids.

Welcome to the forum John. Any chance that someone else in the airforce has a spouse that could use some extra spending dough to watch your kids cheaper than that?
Otherwise sadly, nope you're not alone. I got custody of my youngest daughter 5 1/2 years ago because the dope was more important apparently. I agree with above, it will get better.

try this bro

http://www.airforcetimes.com/story.php?f=1-292259-895762.php

Hi John and welcome to the site. I know how hard it is to understand why/how a person can pick drugs over their family....I don't think that I will ever get it.

As far as the daycare...ouch, that is quite the expence. I agree with Paul, there should be programs out there that will help you. Also try the chat room at military.com they will most likely have some advice for you.

Keep doing a great job.

Michelle :welcome:

:welcome:
Hi there, nice to meet you.
I can see that the big child care bill would be a huge strain.

Your post made me think of a friend of mine who is a single mom in the service.
She has only one child but child care has been a difficult issue for her. Her position has her working long, strange hours shifts on base.
She has found two different solutions at different times that worked fairly well for her. One was a spouse of someone else from work who watched her little guy for her, and was happy to earn some money. The other was a college student. Who she rented out a room to in her home in exchange for babysitting.
I don't know if either situation is a possibility for you but I thought I would mention them. I hope you find a viable solution.