I don't know where to start, me and my wife have been problems with money and other matters. But last week we were really trying to make things work until I confronted her with a lie and she up and left. I have not heard or seen from her since last friday, she talked to our son on wednesday for about 5 minutes but that was it. No call on thanksgiving to wish him a happy thanksgiving. Recently found out that she quit her job, just worried that she will take our son and leave with him. She left me for a guy that she has only known for about 30 days. Why would she leave me and my son for a gut that has nothing? In the back of my mine I know that I still love her, but I how can I get over that to move on for me and my son.

Welcome singleandlost. If we knew why some of our exes do what they have done, we could probably change the world...well it's a thought

Sorry to hear what's happening, and I'm sure your son is having a hard time understanding also. Try to keep yourself up around him for the time being. You might want to consider looking into at least filing for temporary custody if you're really concerned about her taking him like that.

sorry to hear that...well i hope you get the answers that you want bu most of the time we never do....dont lose heart focus on your son and hope everything else falls into place...stick around there some people here who can relate to what you are going through and offer you better advice...we are all here for you

I would add to look into legal separation too, as that can protect you from more debt.

I have already filed for temp custody, its just so hard hearing my son crying for mommy or saying that mommy doesn't love me anymore. I mean what can I say to that. I don't think she knows how much hurt she is creating.

Hey singleandlost. Welcome to SFV. I had to respond to your post because I went through much of what you are describing myself 5 years ago. I know what it is like to ask, "Why is she doing this?" and "How could she do this to our son.?" The thing that got me through the loneliness and confusion the most was the fact that I had an infant son that had no mother for days and weeks on end. I knew that even if she did come back (and for a long time I wanted her to) things would never be the same because the trust and respect I had for her was forever damaged. I made alot of mistakes in handling my divorce and the subsequent issues involving custody of our son. I want to tell you now what many told me here and that is to document everything you and your wife do involving yourself and your child. As painful as it may be. you need to have a plan in place if she in fact tries to take your son without your consent. If you are able to do so seek legal advice immediately. Many other guys here will tell you how difficult it can be for a father, especially when it comes to custody issues. I'm not saying your marriage can't be repaired. That is something you and your wife have to work out. I just want you to be prepared for the worst because I wasn't. Wish you the best. Hang around and feel free to vent or ask questions anytime. This is a great place filled with really good people. Keep us updated. See ya.

www.myspace.com/rweonedad2

I don't know what I would do if I don't get full custody of my son. We know this guy that she is with has a bad temper and even his co employees told us that. That is an environment that I do not want my son in. Our court hearing for temp custody is this friday and all we know about where she is living is just the address not the appartment number. She won't even give that out. I just know that this not the same person I married or even hours before she left. I am just so frustrated and confused.

Wow....to close to home.....to close.....

First of all welcome.....you have just found a wealth of knowledge at your fingertips. I will start by giving you some suggestions....

WRITE IT DOWN....Seriously, I know it sounds petty, but journal EVERYTHING. Notate that she walked out on your son, this is NOT something a stable mother would do, she would try to take her child at all costs. Describe how the interactions between you go, has she seen your son since she left, tell about her not calling or talking to him on thanksgiving. I am not saying be vicious or vindictive, but WRITE IT DOWN IN A JOURNAL. Make sure that you keep it as emotionless as possible and you only write factual info, but none the less, WRITE IT DOWN....

When you go to court, she will have to disclose her address, so that is not an issue. What I had to do when I fought for custody was to prove that my son would be better off with me mentally, physically, and financially. I showed in court that she was putting him in an unstable situation by attempting to involve him with her new BF who has a criminal history, check on that too. The fact that she left her son when she walked out can be viewed as abandonment on her behalf, DO NOT underplay that fact.

I am not sure how Nebraska laws are, but I can assure you that you have an uphill battle ahead of you. I just went through this exact situation and came out on top. Keep your wits about you and stay strong. Your son needs that. Be his rock in a sea of confusion, and hold onto your sanity. If you need any advice, I will keep an eye on this thread. You can message me or hit me up on myspace....

-J

Today my son Austin and I went over to my ex's mothers house for thanksgiving, of course she was not there. But she did call to talk to Austin and he said he did not want to talk to her. That just kills me to know that my son is so hurt that he does not even want to talk to his mom. Just waiting for here to wake up and to see all the hurt she has caused.

He is seven going on 15 right now, I have talked and assured him that I am not going no where, but he is still very attached to me, won't let me leave his side

quote:

Originally posted by singleandlost:
He is seven going on 15 right now, I have talked and assured him that I am not going no where, but he is still very attached to me, won't let me leave his side

That is the best thing you can do. My son is 5 and just now getting to the point where he doesn't cry when he has to go to his mom's. As hard as it may be, don't let your personal feelings with your wife interfere with your son's relationship with her. Try and respect the fact that she is his mother and pray she comes to her senses where he is concerned. Keep doing what you are doing. Constant reassurance that you love him and aren't going to leave him is the best thing you can do. You've got some great advice here. It is possible to live through this even if it doesn't seem that way at times. Continue to be strong.

www.myspace.com/rweonedad2

In all honesty, you will probably be waiting a long long time for her to realize all the hurt that she has caused, and you will more than likely never see any remorse from her regarding her actions. Nothing more can be said other than she left under the pretense of selfishness.

This is going to be a very tough and traumatic time for not only you, but definitely for your son. I can't speak as to how he may react as my son was only 1.5 when his mom walked out, but i can tell you that even though Trey was so very young, it was very traumatic on him as well. He still refuses to leave my side from time to time, and we are going on a year without her....good lord, almost a whole you already....back on track.....Do everything you can to reassure him that things will be alright and reinforce to him that even though mommy is gone she still loves him very very much. Will was right in saying to never talk disrespectful of his mother in his presence. Allow him the ability to decide what kind of person his mother is and whether he wants a relationship with her or not.

The toughest part of being a single parent is putting your fears and pains aside to attend to the pains and fears of our children. Once your child is satisfied and asleep, you now have your chance to be scared and hurt. Just make sure that you are there for your son. I know that this is boggling your mind right now and your world is a wreck, but just imagine what your little man is going through.

God bless and good luck. It's a tough road to travel, but know that the final destination is definitely worth the trek.

-J

Thanks guys, but it is very hard to travel this road. I know it will be worth it in the end, but how do I get to the end. Some part of me still wants her back even after all the stuff she pulled on me. I know I can't let her back. My parents got divorced when I was a kid, I never got to see my dad when I was younger. My parents hated eachother. That was one thing I promised myself I would not let my son go through.

Hello, Lots of very helpful people here. I was lost too but a lot of people gone through similar.
I try not to speak of the dead, but I'll give a quickie tour.
My wife suffered from Bi-Polar, Post traumatic Stress, and Borderline personality disorder.(Dr.s said she had the emotional maturity of a 4 year old)
Lies, Impulsive, Iradic (bad s/p) behaviour, and basically an emotional rollar coaster.
Wasn't like htis for the better part of our marriage, it was when her abusive mother found her and then moved closer. Thats when things went nuts. I didn't know how bad her mother was until later. (really freakin bad she was....anti-christ is a common term with people that know her)
She would up and leave me for a weekend then crawl back begging to be taken back. I took her back, each time stepping up her visits with her doctor. (requirement to be home with us, she had to get help).
I guess all I'm saying is protect your kids, protect yourself, and do whats best for you and your kids.
The reason I hung in there was i kept my vow (sickness and in health) and mental illness is a sickness.
I just question her "impulsivity" might be a flag for something much more serious. Quitting a job and running off with a stranger is not a sign of a mentally healthy person IMO. Get the temp custody order ASAP. Can't trust an unstable person.
But when my wife was like that, I had to dig deep to figure out what the "right" thing is to do when it came to her, and I think its different for everyone...just gotta go with your heart, but not reject logic either.
My deepest regret was not understanding what was going on between her and her mother and not doing as my wife asked, to move as far from her mother as I could...I shoulda did that no matter what it cost. Sorry went off a little bit there.
hope my post didn't offend anyone.
I don't like posting or talking much about her except that I loved her with all my heart and God decided that she was better off in heaven then she was here on earth, but your post just brought back some hard memories, but felt the need to post this to ya. I know what its like to be lost in confusion.
Hang in there dude, I'll keep ya in my thoughts. PM me if you ever need to vent or something.

Thanks for all your help here in this forum. Still no communication between her and I. It sucks to hear from your child that she promised she would never leave us or divorce me. And then she does. My son is very heart broken and confused. She just needs to wake up soon before it is too late for my son and her.