Hello all I am new here and a father of 3; 8y/o girl, 6y/o boy, and 1 y/o girl. My wife just left a few months ago and it has been very hard for all of us. She left saying she is no longer in love with me and has moved on. She is dating other men. I am still in love with her and it has been very hard to cope with this. She wants me to go out and date other woman but I cant. She doesnt understand why I get upset and angry and I try to explain I am not where she is at this point. We have reassured the kids this is not their fault and that mom and dad will always be here for them. The kids do stay with me more and both our families dont agree with her going out as much as she does when I have the kids. They all say she just wants to be a mom when she wants and I honestly dont mind having them as much as I do. Anyway there is much more but I dont want to overload the message board lol I am just venting. How do I accept the fact it is over? It has been ten years she was 19 and I was 20 and we both used to say we were soul mates. It is kind of like she is someone completely different now. This is SOOOOO HARD!!!!! Any advice is welcome and I am so glad I found this site. Thanks and God bless

Welcome to the forum. Sorry to hear what you are going through. My opinion is that she would probably feel relief if you did start dating, she's likely feeling at least some guilt over having left and that's at least part of why she's so concerned that you start dating other people also. Thing is...at this point it's all up to you what you do and it's up to you to decide when you're ready. You have every right to be upset and angry, just don't allow it to be too consuming. The most important thing right now is the kids and what they are also going through as a result of all this. Continue to be there for them at the same time continue to work on your acceptance of the situation. Plenty of time for meeting someone else and dating etc. but meanwhile I'm sure you would benefit from some healing along with the kids. People do change, sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse...let your changes as a result of this be for the better.

Welcome to SFV. I am so sorry that you are going through all this and sorry for your kids as well. On a positive note, it sounds like you are spending alot of time with your kids which is not something that all dads going through a divorce can say.

On moving on... my marriage ended in a very different way from yours. Still, the end of a marriage is the end of all the plans you shared for your future. What has helped me is to start to envision what I wanted my new future to look like. Dating is part of that, but there are other things to look forward to also. Start thinking about how you want to live your life with your kids in the future. It's a chance to start over and maybe make a life you will love.

I'm sorry to hear all you are going through.

Thank you all for your responses. I really do appreciate them. Yeah it has been hard and I have my ups and downs. Should I start "looking" for dates? I know I definitely am not ready for anything serious and some friends have said I should and it will help but I don't know. Anyone out there that can give some advise about that? Also off subject how do you add pictures? I want to add some of me and my kids. Thanks again and keep the responses comin, they help

I am so in the same place with you. It just sucks but hang in there and don't be afraid to ask us for help and just vent.

I get reports of my ex out partying and having fun with her boyfriend. She wants me to do the same (probably to help rid herself of me) but I'm too busy being a dad and she just likes being a mom when it's convenient.

I've been through the worst two years of my life. Just horrible gut wrenching emotional pain. There are times where my death would have been a welcomed relief from the pain I have been through.

I dated a little when I was in my initial shock but the effort seems a bit much of a distraction for me given my job and family responsibilities.

I would like to date and meet somebody though. But at this point I wonder what women could handle my life as it is. I'm probably selling many women out there short by feeling that way.

Oh, make sure to visit the open discussions forum. That tends to get the most traffic.

Welcome to SFV Tito.

Don't let your friends convince you to date if you don't want to. When I was going through divorce it seemed my friends were always bringing up dating and I felt like I had to date for some reason. That just brought more frustration. I think they were trying to help but they just were clueless. Unless your friends have been married and divorced they don't know what you're going through, and even if they have only you know what's best for you.

I don't see any harm in dating to "get your feet wet." I think it's always a good idea to look forward, see what's out there, see that life goes on and there are people out there who might, when you're ready, be great partners for you.
Good luck.

Hey all thanx for the feed back. Well I went out this weekend and it was an ok time I couldnt stop thinking about her going out and actually meeting other men though and found myself gettin a little pissed of. How do you get over that? How do you get those thoughts out of your head. I find this is the hardest thing to get over. I feel like I am playing catch up and she is so far ahead of being "over" us. I hate feeling like this and if anyone can give some thoughts and ideas of how to get over this that would be great. Thanks again for the responses this has been real tough and I want to get over all this ASAP but I know it will take time but damn I am impatient lol. I just want to tell her off but dont want to be "that guy". How do you handle that?

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time.

Things that will help:
Time
Living well(the best revenge)
Looking forward.

I realize that probably doesn't make you feel much better right now. But, most people go through this and eventually end up thinking "thank god he/she left me, I'm so much better off." In the meantime, how bout a

Hi Tito! I'm really sorry about what you're going through. It's really tough, but I'm really glad you're there for your kids. I think that if you feel like you're not ready to date, then don't. You have plenty of time for that later. Right now you need to focus on your children and making sure they'll be okay. I'm also new to SFV, but it sounds like there's a lot of caring people who can help you through this. Some people may not understand what we're going through unless they have been through it.

welcome aboard cheerfulbutterfly

Thank you Don!

thanx for the hug missabb thanx for the responses yeah it does make it a little easier. does anyone have a membership and is it worth it? I am thinkin about it