Wow, this hits close to home.

I've told myself I'm done with hanging onto the past, so I'm not recounting what happened, yet again.

Every day is a struggle for me and to remain up for my daughter. I've made my mistakes and I hope I've learned from them. They have a new cat from my ex's "Friend" and at first I told my daughter I didn't care about that, which hurt her. So, now I talk about the new cat all the time, he was nuzzling her last night when I called her at bed time.

Just love your son as best you can, work on getting tough being happy and being strong. When he's sleeping do your worrying and thinking, it sucks because you're alone, but he can't answer your questions nor will he be able to bear any bad feelings you may have for your ex. I'm not sure how to talk good about her, but everyone is right, don't down play her, she means something to him and to you, for the history you have.

I will always cherish the fact that my ex bore my daughter and loves her, and for the time we did spend together. Try not to let yourself get "Played" by her, I'm still working on that one ...

Chris

Just to let everyone know I was awarded temp. custody of my son Austin on Friday. Very good news for once. Still have not heard anything from my ex-wife or has my son. She is hurting alot of people right now, hopefully she will wake up soon and she what she is doing.

Congrats on the temp custody, that should help ease your mind some while you go through this. At least about your concern with her trying to take off with him you will have that court order.
Meanwhile don't hold your breath on whether she will wake up and own up, continue to do what you need to do to further safeguard you and your son's situation. Good advice has been given to you.

quote:

Originally posted by Don:
Congrats on the temp custody, that should help ease your mind some while you go through this. At least about your concern with her trying to take off with him you will have that court order.
Meanwhile don't hold your breath on whether she will wake up and own up, continue to do what you need to do to further safeguard you and your son's situation. Good advice has been given to you.

Let me second what Don said... I'm sorry about being so late to come into this topic, been off my game of late due to being sick and tired. :P

Once again, Congrats! That's awesome...if nothing else, for now.

Have given multiple letters to her mom to deliver to her to let her know that she always has a place with Austin and I and if she ever needs anything to let me know. If she don't know that I was her best choice than she may never figure that out until I have moved on.

Single and lost,

Congratulations on the custody order and welcome to this site. I have been where you are in some regard. As others have said, you need to be a rock of stability for your son. He needs to know you are there for him and are not going anywhere. Like others, I also suggest not to wait for his mother to come to her senses. This is beyond your control, I spent the better part of a year trying to get my ex to to be more responsive to our daughters. All I can do is be there for them. Other members have also correctly suggested not to criticize your ex in front of your son. I too suffered through my parents divorce at an early age and vowed to not let that happen to my children. However, it takes two to make things work and I couldn't prevent it. I would seek counseling for your son and yourself, potentially. Armin Brott has some great books for single fathers. Have not found many books dealing with absent Mothers geared towards young children, though. Luckily, it's a rare circumstance in society. At least my girls see their mother weekly for a few hours and do talk to her periodically. I was lucky to get physical custody, she didn't even contest it. She has a liberal visitation schedule, yet choses not to use. Hopefully, your legal battle is uncontested as well. Document all contact your son has with his mother or more importantly the lack there of. Take it one day at a time and be there for your son and you both will get through this. This is a great place to vent and the parents on this board can be a tremendous resource and source of support. They were for me, see my post "Single Father of two girls dealing with absent mother"

Hope this was helpful, this place can be very theraputic as well.

Singleandlost,

That name could easily describe me. I am new to this forum amnd this is my first post. My wife of 7 years decided that she needed her freedom also. Also for another man who decided he did not want anyting to do with her. I have a 5 year old boy and a 2 year old daughter. She has been gone 8 months. I did everything I could to save our mariage. Therapy, anti-deperessents for anxiety, beggging, you name it I did it! In the end nothing mattered. If she came back could you honestly trust her? Not even for hurting you but for what she did to your son? My ex also needed to be pushed to have what I considered ample visitation for a 2 and 5 year old. Tell your son a million times that you will never leave him. Concentrate on giving him the best childhood you can and start the process of seperation. If she could cut her son off so coldly she has a long way to go. My divorce was final in Sept. I still strugle with how could this happen but am getting better. When I was where you are now, I honestly did not believe I could do it. Full time work and full custody of 2 small children. But I am doing it because it is everything. You can do it too but you have to get past her. Even though I know this I still struggle. Best of luck and if I can give you one peice of advice it is TALK TO ANYONE AND EVERYONE until they are sick of you! Ask for help and at the end of the day know that you are doing the best you can.

John

Oh yeah, one more thing. As far as how to deal with his feelings of abandonment, tell him a billion times that it is not his fault and that even though she doesn't see him much she still loves him.

quote:

Originally posted by dad22:
Singleandlost,

That name could easily describe me. I am new to this forum amnd this is my first post. My wife of 7 years decided that she needed her freedom also. Also for another man who decided he did not want anyting to do with her. I have a 5 year old boy and a 2 year old daughter. She has been gone 8 months. I did everything I could to save our mariage. Therapy, anti-deperessents for anxiety, beggging, you name it I did it! In the end nothing mattered. If she came back could you honestly trust her? Not even for hurting you but for what she did to your son? My ex also needed to be pushed to have what I considered ample visitation for a 2 and 5 year old. Tell your son a million times that you will never leave him. Concentrate on giving him the best childhood you can and start the process of seperation. If she could cut her son off so coldly she has a long way to go. My divorce was final in Sept. I still strugle with how could this happen but am getting better. When I was where you are now, I honestly did not believe I could do it. Full time work and full custody of 2 small children. But I am doing it because it is everything. You can do it too but you have to get past her. Even though I know this I still struggle. Best of luck and if I can give you one peice of advice it is TALK TO ANYONE AND EVERYONE until they are sick of you! Ask for help and at the end of the day know that you are doing the best you can.

John

Wow....there really are a lot of us out there. I just joined today, but if anything, I'm browsing and seeing that there is a lot of support on here.

Tired daddy, welcome aboard. Yes, there are a lot of great people here. We might not be too far from each other???? I'm in Solano County.

I think I welcomed the other new members/fathers elsewhere???? If not, my apologies and welcome

Oh my goodness. I cannot believe it. I am new too, and I just read your post about being a newly single father. You know, it is ironic for those of us who would have nearly killed to have a family for our children who were matched up with those who really don't give a damn. There has got to be some light somewhere and something great to come out of this suffering. I just posted as well about daughters gone wild with father. I just wanted to say that I admire you, and the world would be such a better place with more men like you. So just don't ever knock yourself for your ex's selfishness. That is the most important thing that I wanted to say from my own experiences. Stay strong!! (Yeah, I know. I definitely need to take that advice for myself right now too!) I just wanted you to know again that you are definitely not alone in this struggle.

I read all this and needed to respond. I have been a single father for almost 7 years. With no contact with my ex. She left my daughter and I one Saturday and never returned. It was life shattering.

Everything I knew changed. Fast forward to now. I have just done what I needed to do. Cared for my little one and did what a dad is supposed to do.

My ex contacted me about a month ago and sh is trying to put her life back together. Her and I talk. We will never be together again, although it is nice to see her moving in a forward direction and wanting to be in her daughter's life.

You know the old saying, **** happens. That's true, although it is after the **** happened and how we respond or recover is what makes us the men we are or will become.

Any way. Good Luck! And thanks for these forums!

to all you fantastic dads out there!!

make sure you let your kid know he can talk to you if he is having issues with his mom but just don't allow disrespecting, do realize there is a difference between disrespecting and his opinion of his mom, He may develop a negitive view of his mom and he should not feel like he is bad for having this view, might not be his fault. as for making sure you don't say bad things about the ex in front of him, may be hard but necessary since you are his guide in life. I learned real fast not to by telling the kids if they ever hear me talk bad about thier mom I will pay them a dollar, They rarely get to collect
Auggie, your more of a man then most. Wow must be hard to have someone vanish then just reappear.

It happens some times, My wife Left 2 years before she was actually gone. I tried and tried, but it had to happen. My son saw her for the first time in 2 years last spring and did not even know who she was, it was the day she lost custody of him as well. I keep praying that she will call to try to make arrangements to see him, but that is her choice. things are the worst they have ever been for me these past years, but having my son, my best friend by my side just keeps me going.