I am glad to have found SFV and can tell many have benefited from it. Hope I can too! My name is Mike and latetly I have been overwhelmed with everything that Life keeps kicking my way. I have custody of my 10 year old daughter from my first marriage. I have been married twice and have been divorced almost 9 months now. My daughters birth mother had disapeared when she was 2 and knew only her step mother as her mother. One thing I told myself was that I was always going to let her know who her mother was even if her mother didn't. I did not do that though and instead allowed her to think that her step mother was. My first wife and I married young, she was even younger than I. Needless to say we had differnt priortys. I was ready to setle and start a family, she was not. After our daughter was born she suffered PPD. I knew somehting was wrong and for over 2 years I tried to talk her into seeking help but she wouldn't. At that point I felt the right thing to do was to get me and my daughter out of the chaos. I was truely hurt because she did not try to keep our family together. I know that her depression and emotional state was mostly the reason that she seemed not to care but it still hurt all the same. I also made the mistake of not allowing myself the time needed to grieve the lost of my marriage and immediatly started anouther relationship. This woman treated me and my daughter like we were royalty which made it easy to mistake my love for her. We married and years went by being treated like I never have been treated before. I knew that something was wrong after 2 years and that was I did not love her. Not the way a husband should. I realized I had allowed my daughter to have a mother in that she did not have in her own and I kept what I knew to myself. 4 years later things reached a point that she knew I did not love her and we divorced. We have remained friends and she continues to be as much of a part of my daughters life as possible. Now, not long after she moved out, my first wife calls. She explains that she is sorry, has made mistakes and wants to be in her life again. I have always felt that I made the wrong choice by letting my daughter forget and decided to tell her. She handled it very well and she even remembered the last and only time her mother visited when she was almost 3. After a few months she tells me that she has had a heavy drug problem but reasures me that it is behind her now. She also tells me that she has been diagnosed as bi-polar. She has 2 other children but I knew that because I am still close to her father. She has also told me that she has always loved me and still loves me and wants to have a relationship again. If I was to say yes lets try and make it work this time I will lose all respect from my family, Mom and Dad included. Unlike most of my family if not all I have been a very forgiving person, and I don't hold grudges. I wont forget, but I do forgive her and even after 7 years of no contact we can talk to each other like a day hasn't past. What do I do.? I feel overwhelmed mainly because this is honestly the first time I have lived on my own. I went straight from the comforts of Mom and Dads to the comforts of marriage at 20 and straight from that marriage into anouther. I fear that I may make a mistake by going back to her only because I feel that I am over my head. The other side of me wants nothing more than to be able to give my daughter her father and mother under the same roof. But, her being Bi-polar scares me and asking my daughter, who is used to being the only child in the house to share her daddy, might be to much. There is alot more but I will start with this for now. I appreciate any input anybody has to offer. One hard lesson I have learned is never hide your true feelings even if it seems right at the time, they can come out with a vengance at the worst time. For me it was 7 years later. I hope that may be of help to someone. Thanks!

MBH, welcome to the forum. I know it can get interesting being a father having custody of a daughter. I would say to take your time with any relationship decisions, definitely don't make any decision based on thinking you can't do it alone/overwhelmed.

:welcome:
You can do it, I had sole custody of 2 teenage boys for 4 years with no input from their /mom/ and now have a girl and boy in grade school and a girl that is going to be 4 on the 20th.

There is never enough time, but it is do able.

On the subject of relationships take it real slow, as you know it might not work out. I think it is better for kids to have one loving, stable, involved parent then both parents if one of them is unstable.

Thanks for the welcome guys. I agree with taking things slow too and the unstability that it could possibly bring. I realized though that mostly I have just been overwhelmed due to the holidays, since its the first time being alone for them and all. Thanks again!

Just realized I welcomed you again in another thread, since you changed your screen name from before It's all good though.

Mike,
I would suggest you give your first wife at least a year. With bi-polar their moods change with the seasons, general rule of thumb. You need to see how she responds to medicine, thru all her phases is what I'm saying. You need to see her in a manic state, and see her in a depressed state, and everything in between. She might be in between states right now, and be rational. But in a few months she might become manic, and start thinking herself able to do anything and everything, or she might become depressed, needy, clingy, or maybe even violent. Some people do really well with medication, and other people, the medication only takes the edge off, keeps them from being a danger to themselves and others. They still swing back and forth, and have trouble socially.

It's fine to love her. But that doesn't mean she's someone you can live with, and someone your daughter can live with. And she might love you with her whole soul. That love doesn't change the fact that her brain gets bombarded with wierd chemical messangers that make her feel certain things.

Study up on the bi-polar. It's a real weird, and sad disease.

HI Mike Welcome to SFV...I think i may have welcomed u somewhere on another thread. But hope ya stick around here.