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Floydmcc66
I am New to SFV
Posted
Greetings,

I was divorced at the end of last year. My ex and I were married for 8 years. 6 teards ago my company moved me from Chicao to Texas. We started having problems soon after we had our Daughter in 1997. I though it was a thing that all mothers went through. We were no longer intimate. Over the next 5-6 years we made a few failed attempts. She seemed to be content just being a mom.

Toward the end we sought a counselor for help but all we discussed was household chores and
how me doing more stuff around the house could change her feelings. I became upset butcause we were not getting to the root of the matter. I wanted us to talk about our feelings.

Over the years I became very resentful and that clouded my judgement. We lived together until after the divorce. I helped her buy a house and I kept the one we had bought together. The divorce was very civil although it tore me up that I would not be a day to day person in my daughters life. I broke down the day they left. And then I realized that I had made a terrible mistake. I love my ex she really meant the world to me when we met I was nat the greatest person but she helped me become better. We lost ourselves to bitterness and resentment and I don't know why.

After she moved in to her new place I went over to talk to her. I asked her not to close the door on our relationship. I felt that maybe after some time that we could find ourselves again. I had some soul searching to do to find out why things had degraded and address my own failings. I was sure we could have a new relationship somewhere down the road.

A couple of weeks ago, i felt a change in her and it hit like a ton of bricks. She was seeing someone. I made the mistake of calling her after getting drunk and confronting her. She said it was true she wanted to start another relationship. I was devistated. I must have been a fool.

How do I move on? How do I define my life? How do I start over. What I had was what I wanted. Or at least that's what I though.

I think I need some kind of support group where there are people with similar issues.

Thanks for letting me purge. Sorry for the length.
 
Posts: 1 | Location: Dallas Metroplex | Registered: 01 March 2004Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
Dew
"Forever"
At A loss for Words - NOT!
Posted Hide Post
Hi,
I have no experience of the same type, so, I really just wanted to say what I felt when I saw your post.
I can relate, somehow, don't know why.
Maybe because 'what I had is what I wanted 'is such a common feeling.
You seem to be able to express your feelings, unlike many other men, that's a plus. The fact that you do it a bit late is not unusual I think.
You're still the man that knew her for much much longer and you're her childs father. All pluses.
She says she wants to start a new relationship, of course she says that now, and you must probably let her try or loose her forever.
Does she REALLY know your feelings ? I mean, did you tell her when you were sober as well ? (hey, it's OK to get drunk sometimes, I am not judging).
Remember that loosing your (ex-) wife does not have to mean loosing your daughter. If you can manage to stay a caring and responsible father even in this very difficult situation, that is another plus for you.
I wish you luck, you sound like 'one of the good guys'.
Daniela
 
Posts: 1638 | Location: Europe | Registered: 12 January 2004Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
Jame34
Learning to Surf The Board
Posted Hide Post
I do know exactly what you are going through. Almost every person on this earth wants what they can't have. If you become one of the few lucky ones to keep wanting what you do have, then you are one step ahead of the game. The pain is all to real and all seems hopeless right now. Let me tell you though it will get easier with time. So do everything in your power to keep your mind off of her and her dating other people. It will drive you crazy and it is only thoughts made up in your own mind. If it is meant to be, God willing it will happen. In the mean time read books on how to get her back. Make sure you follow them to a tee. The reason I say this is because it helps in two ways. 1. Guys are idiots and we do all the wrong things because we really don't understand women and just can't admit it. And 2. even if you don't get back with her, most of these books teach on how to keep your self esteem in tact which in turn helps you get over her and move on to other things. Right now even if you don't feel it, always present yourself as happy as can be, even if you have to fake it. Let her wonder if she made a mistake. And no women wants to be with someone that is unhappy. I don't know if any of this will help you, it's just some of the things I have learned from the $160.00 I have spent on books. I haven't won my wife back yet but I still have a little faith that God will let it happen and if not, then he has someone else better out their for me. Good luck.
 
Posts: 16 | Location: Illinois | Registered: 14 March 2004Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
mommat
On the Board
Posted Hide Post
I have never posted in the single dad forums but I was compelled to reply to your post. I don't want to say that I am in the same situation but it is similiar. It is so refreshing to see a man that truly loves his wife. Even though you said that there were tough times you have truly evalutated it all and I admire that because that is what I have done. To admit your shortcomings in your marriage really shows what a wonderful person you are. True men can see past their pride and admit their mistakes, bravo!!!

My first piece of advice to you is do whatever you can to make things work, pride aside. Not just for your sake but for your childs. I'm not sure of all of the problems but I just wanted to tell you a little bit about most women. Household chores really are a huge deal to women. Not the actual chores but that you are doing them to help her. Don't ask me why but this is very serious to us. We see it as you taking care of your family. Love is a verb and that is one of the ways that we perceive love.

Also I just wanted to say that in my marriage after we had our child things changed also. I can't explain why it happens but I know in my case I didn't even realize that I wasn't treating my ex very good. I was trying really hard but I was a mother now and that part of me took over. I loved every minute of it but it consumed me, my thoughts and how I acted. I loved him so much and the way I showed that love was to love and take care of his child and our home. It wasn't because I didn't love him so there can still be hope for your marriage. Pray and keep praying God can fix anything that we mess up. We just have to give it to him. Really and truly look at your marriage and anything that you may have done and fix it. That is all that you can do. If it doesn't work out then you can look at yourself in the mirror and know that you did all you could. One thing I have learned is that you can't make someone love you, and no matter how much you love her you don't want to be with someone who doesn't love you. Stay stong and look past any pain that she may be letting control her conversations with you.

I tried to reconcile with my ex and he down right refused. It hurt but I will get through it and be stronger in the end.
Now, if you feel things are truly over it will be really hard but after time it will get better. I'm praying for you because I know that it will be difficult. I'm not saying that you should stay single for the rest of your life but give yourself lots of time to heal. And remember that anyone that you bring into your life you will be bringing into you childs life also. Loneliness is hard, I know, but it is better than having your heart broken again. Faith has done wonders for me. Just keep trucking, the sun will still come up tomorrow even if you wish it wouldn't.

God Bless.
 
Posts: 51 | Location: Texas | Registered: 08 January 2004Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
RangeMan
I am New to SFV
Posted Hide Post
quote:
Originally posted by Floydmcc66:
[qb]Greetings,

I was divorced at the end of last year. My ex and I were married for 8 years. 6 teards ago my company moved me from Chicao to Texas. We started having problems soon after we had our Daughter in 1997. I though it was a thing that all mothers went through. We were no longer intimate. Over the next 5-6 years we made a few failed attempts. She seemed to be content just being a mom.

Toward the end we sought a counselor for help but all we discussed was household chores and
how me doing more stuff around the house could change her feelings. I became upset butcause we were not getting to the root of the matter. I wanted us to talk about our feelings.

Over the years I became very resentful and that clouded my judgement. We lived together until after the divorce. I helped her buy a house and I kept the one we had bought together. The divorce was very civil although it tore me up that I would not be a day to day person in my daughters life. I broke down the day they left. And then I realized that I had made a terrible mistake. I love my ex she really meant the world to me when we met I was nat the greatest person but she helped me become better. We lost ourselves to bitterness and resentment and I don't know why.

After she moved in to her new place I went over to talk to her. I asked her not to close the door on our relationship. I felt that maybe after some time that we could find ourselves again. I had some soul searching to do to find out why things had degraded and address my own failings. I was sure we could have a new relationship somewhere down the road.

A couple of weeks ago, i felt a change in her and it hit like a ton of bricks. She was seeing someone. I made the mistake of calling her after getting drunk and confronting her. She said it was true she wanted to start another relationship. I was devistated. I must have been a fool.

How do I move on? How do I define my life? How do I start over. What I had was what I wanted. Or at least that's what I though.

I think I need some kind of support group where there are people with similar issues.

Thanks for letting me purge. Sorry for the length.[/qb]


Dude!

First, this is my first time in a chat forum of any kind so I hope I am doing this right.

Never call your ex after drinking. nothing will come out the way you want it to, and it may seem like you are on your way down.

You were married for eight years, had a daughter together, and she came to the GREAT STATE OF TEXAS with you. There is still something there.

KEEP BUISY! Never give your self free time (except for your daughter). Time is your enemy. Work on something. Make money to take your daughter to the beach. We have a huge one here. Six Flags is great but expensive.Go to neighborhood functions and meet people. Meet chicks. Do not move too fast! The rebounds never last. That goes for your ex as well. If you want to get to know your ex again. If you do take it slow. Get to really know her.

All I can really say is stay buisy and don't ask questions about her relationships.

Good luck
 
Posts: 14 | Location: Texas | Registered: 09 July 2004Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
alittle confused
I am New to SFV
Posted Hide Post
quote:
Originally posted by Floydmcc66:
[qb] Greetings,

I was divorced at the end of last year. My ex and I were married for 8 years. 6 teards ago my company moved me from Chicao to Texas. We started having problems soon after we had our Daughter in 1997. I though it was a thing that all mothers went through. We were no longer intimate. Over the next 5-6 years we made a few failed attempts. She seemed to be content just being a mom.

Toward the end we sought a counselor for help but all we discussed was household chores and
how me doing more stuff around the house could change her feelings. I became upset butcause we were not getting to the root of the matter. I wanted us to talk about our feelings.

Over the years I became very resentful and that clouded my judgement. We lived together until after the divorce. I helped her buy a house and I kept the one we had bought together. The divorce was very civil although it tore me up that I would not be a day to day person in my daughters life. I broke down the day they left. And then I realized that I had made a terrible mistake. I love my ex she really meant the world to me when we met I was nat the greatest person but she helped me become better. We lost ourselves to bitterness and resentment and I don't know why.

After she moved in to her new place I went over to talk to her. I asked her not to close the door on our relationship. I felt that maybe after some time that we could find ourselves again. I had some soul searching to do to find out why things had degraded and address my own failings. I was sure we could have a new relationship somewhere down the road.

A couple of weeks ago, i felt a change in her and it hit like a ton of bricks. She was seeing someone. I made the mistake of calling her after getting drunk and confronting her. She said it was true she wanted to start another relationship. I was devistated. I must have been a fool.

How do I move on? How do I define my life? How do I start over. What I had was what I wanted. Or at least that's what I though.

I think I need some kind of support group where there are people with similar issues.

Thanks for letting me purge. Sorry for the length. [/qb]
 
Posts: 3 | Location: 10121 Rosewood, Houston, TX 77099 | Registered: 13 October 2004Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
alittle confused
I am New to SFV
Posted Hide Post
quote:
Originally posted by Floydmcc66:
[qb] Greetings,

I was divorced at the end of last year. My ex and I were married for 8 years. 6 teards ago my company moved me from Chicao to Texas. We started having problems soon after we had our Daughter in 1997. I though it was a thing that all mothers went through. We were no longer intimate. Over the next 5-6 years we made a few failed attempts. She seemed to be content just being a mom.

Toward the end we sought a counselor for help but all we discussed was household chores and
how me doing more stuff around the house could change her feelings. I became upset butcause we were not getting to the root of the matter. I wanted us to talk about our feelings.

Over the years I became very resentful and that clouded my judgement. We lived together until after the divorce. I helped her buy a house and I kept the one we had bought together. The divorce was very civil although it tore me up that I would not be a day to day person in my daughters life. I broke down the day they left. And then I realized that I had made a terrible mistake. I love my ex she really meant the world to me when we met I was nat the greatest person but she helped me become better. We lost ourselves to bitterness and resentment and I don't know why.

After she moved in to her new place I went over to talk to her. I asked her not to close the door on our relationship. I felt that maybe after some time that we could find ourselves again. I had some soul searching to do to find out why things had degraded and address my own failings. I was sure we could have a new relationship somewhere down the road.

A couple of weeks ago, i felt a change in her and it hit like a ton of bricks. She was seeing someone. I made the mistake of calling her after getting drunk and confronting her. She said it was true she wanted to start another relationship. I was devistated. I must have been a fool.

How do I move on? How do I define my life? How do I start over. What I had was what I wanted. Or at least that's what I though.

I think I need some kind of support group where there are people with similar issues.

Thanks for letting me purge. Sorry for the length. [/qb]
 
Posts: 3 | Location: 10121 Rosewood, Houston, TX 77099 | Registered: 13 October 2004Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
alittle confused
I am New to SFV
Posted Hide Post
I fill your pain I have never been married but I'm in a relationship now where I'm living with my mate and it seem like I want this to work more than he does. He a son that lives with us and he don't spend that much time with him, he's alwas saying that he is trying to work on things for the future but I feel you should take alittle time and spend with his son if not with me, and it seems like he's not sure of his self. I would love for him to start to open up more and understand that I'm just want what is best for everybody. Sometime I think I love him more than he loves me. Is that possible? if so what to do?
 
Posts: 3 | Location: 10121 Rosewood, Houston, TX 77099 | Registered: 13 October 2004Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
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