I am recently divorced and have custody of my two children. There have been many changes in our lives new house new school new kidcare. It has been 4 months since the divorce and custody "handover" now we are settled and in a routine. My ex wife is not in the picture. My problem is what to do now. I have no friends, my family is less than supportive and im feeling socially isolated. My work hours are long and when I get home as you all know it doesn't stop. Anyone got any advice on how to shake these feelings of lonelyness and i'm so focussed on daily routines that I feel like I have no purpose. Any advice or tips would be helpful.

Well welcome to the club baretater..

In time it will be easier to find more time for yorself. I have been doing it for 9 years now on my own and boy there were times when I felt I did not even know myself anymore. I too have and still do strugle with the fellings of being lonley and sometimes just trying to find some purpose other than being a father, but being a father is always enough for me..

Some of the things I have done to keep me out of the slump was to take up some hobies I can do at home. I tend to do them at night so sometimes I do not get much sleep but it keeps me busy. I got into 3d animation and web development (which I now do for a living because of it). I play guitar so that is fun too. After the kid is down for the night the laundry is going and dishes are done I have learned to call it quits at some point in the nught and just do something for myself. even if it is just getting a drink and watching an r rated movie without my daughter there,I just consider it my time.

Through the years I found more and more that I want to experiance as much as possible with my daughter, but at the same time now that she is getting older I am staring to find time for myself and somewhat of a social life again.. Although dating has not hit a home run yet I do have some good friends that I enjoy time with from time to time.. Hell they even love hanging around my daughter too .

Just keep you head up. I know your pain all to well and belive me its gets better in time.

You are doing a great job and your reward for all this will be a wonderfull relation ship with your children and many years of great memories to come with them.

PS ' if you find a way to date please let some of us on here know your secret the dating thing is hard to do with kids

When I got really depressed after the break up and was feeling isolated, I took my kids on vacation to disneyworld with another friend of mine and her two kids. I also booked us in a hotel a few weekends through priceline to get away. The kids love it, we swim all weekend and order room service, and its relatively inexpensive (maybe $150 for room and food for 2 nights). It made me feel really good that I could do that stuff with them , kind of motivated me to look into how I could start getting out more on my own and was a great way to break up the mundane:-) Get out into the world on your day off. If you can't afford a get away take a long drive and go on a picnic. I have to tell you, my initial "get aways" were nightmares! My oldest was 2 1/2 and my little guy 1 just recovering from serious birth problems and nothing ever went smooth especially when you are alone. But it got me out into the sunshine and eventually they really start to appreciate it, the park is a great place to meet other parents.

Hi,
Here in the UK we have a national single parent's organisation called Gingerbread where by Single Parents can meet and all the kids have a little fun.I go once a month on the first Sunday.Is there anything similar in the US?
The isolation can take it's toll,that's why I spend so much time here.Iam amongst friends where ever they are.During the day I don't work,but have taken an Assistant Teaching post at my kids school to occupy the time and give something back to the kids.

Regards,

Mark

After seven years of marrage I was suddenly a divorced father of a just turned 5 year old boy and an almost 3 year old girl. I was lucky because my daughter was very out going. I soon learned that the grocery store and the park were my friends! I made it a point to only shop for a few days visit the park frequently. The kids have fun AND you meet people in the same situation. Take your time to get to know new people! Do not rush into anything new! The kids have been through alot and it takes time.

Yeah I agree, it took baby steps for me but it changed my out look. Its hard to have a negative outlook on anything when the sun is shining, or your kids are laughing etc... getting out into the world forced me to look at other people and say hey, I can do this.

I want to thank everyone for their words of encouragement and their ideas. I have become active in our local church. The kids enjoy sunday school and it allows me a couple hours to have sum "grown up time" with the other members. We are doing pretty good but all this is still new. I guess in time things will feel more natural and my purpose will become clear. Thanks again for everyones encouragement.

You are very welcome.


Regards,

Mark

Although I don't have full custody, at the time I asked for and recieved more than ample access.
Also, I was working 12 hr night shifts. From mon. to thur., it was eat, sleep, work. Friday,Saturday and Sunday, it was baby girl,laundry,groceries and housework. In case your wondering I'm male. It left little time for "me". So I can relate somewhat. What was my trick? Fishing. My girl is now 11 and my best fishing buddy. Try finding things that you AND the children both enjoy. Not just kid stuff. By the way this was every weekend, wed. eve.(not often because of work but I still had it written in, in case I got days),all long weekends and all holidays. Also, check out online chat and dating services.

Church is a wonderful idea. I'd check out the local YMCA too. It might sound fru-fru, but candlelight baths with lavender salts and a little Frank Sinatra on the CD player, throw in an exfoliating facial scrub, you'll feel like a new man. I won't tell. Lavender is stress relieving.

Hey Leftover,
Can I have some too,but can I change the music for some good Motown or Soul ?


Mark

I love my occasional soak in the bubble bath, candlelight,and I'm not afraid to admit it.
Lavender huh? Might have to try that too LOL.

Don

I dream of baths - we only have a 1 person shower in our dinky apartment! I do agree though - there is nothing like some Otis Redding or Ella Fitzgerald to smooth out the rough ends!

Don, Lavender is superb at relaxing you.I use it all around the house as Air Freshner.

Blindsky, That's what i call music and throw in a little Luther Vandross and Martha Reeves for good measure.


Mark

Mark - you're a man after my own heart!

Oh - a secret about the lavendar - they make a great sootbing bath for babies that has the lavender in it and it isn't as expensive as some of the other stuff and works wonders!