Hello to everyone out there. I will be 35 this year and I have a seven year old son and a four year old daughter. I have been separated from my wife for over a year now and I am just finishing up a seven week summertime visit with my children. Since I work, I had to place them in childcare while they were down here visiting me in NC. They live 650 miles away in Indiana. I know I am not alone in my delimma being seperated from my children by so much distance. I did my best to make their first annual summertime visit a memorable one. I took them camping. We went out on my dad's boat. We went to an auto race. We went fishing. We watched the fireworks on the 4th of July. I took them swimming on several occasions. We just never left each other's sides for seven tiring but wonderful weeks. I read to them and talked to them individually and told them how much I love them. I don't doubt that they love me and they wont forget who I am. I want so much to be a daily part of their lives but I can't right now. My feelings are so insecure concerning being a great dad. It is so important to me that they know and remember how much their daddy loves them. Why do I feel so inadequate? I am not even thinking about dating and I am only consumed by looking forward to the next time I will be reunited with my children because they are number one in my life. My worst fear is for my son or daughter to ask me when they are eightteen, "Why weren't you there for us dad?" I am being the best dad I can be considering the distance. Is it imperative that I move closer? Can I still be an effective parent with the distance between me and my children? I am full of remorse for feeling like I have failed them when I know I am doing the best that I can do. I just long to be close to them. Any advice?

Hello I am a single mother of two a 5 yr old boy and a 2 year old girl. It actually brought me to tears when I was reading your statement. I have been seperated for two years (can't afford a divorce) I just got finished consoling my 5 yr old because 7-3 was his b-day and his dad didn't call. I can honestly tell yo uthat if actually call your kids once in a while and make the annual summertime thing a tradition and just be there for them they will know you were there for them. I will pray for you and I know all will be fine. If you ever want to talk email me at tlcskylove*hotmail.com GOOD LUCK BRANDI

you are hurting yourself not the kids....remember you can only be the best parent you can be considering the circumstances, most parents are in the same boat as you and feel the same as you some time or another, whether they are single parents, married or separated from there kids, it is never quantity with kids it is always quality. You need to relax a little and remember the childrens love for you is unconditional, they will not judge you, they will accept that you are their dad and this is their way of life - you sound as if it is you who is hurting most and you are assuming that the kids must feel the same - they are to young and as they get older they will talk to you more and reassure you, reassure them that they are welcome to phone you when ever they like.
Try not to punish yourself to much, perhaps another parent who has custody and the kids have access to the other parent, will jump in and give you a better perspective from the childs point of view. Your children will not question you when they are older, because you are 'being' their dad and you are there for them- geography means nothing to kids, kids are more adaptable than us adults - no doubt they will think of you and miss you but it is obvious you love them and have fun with them - You need to forgive yourself for not being the dad you wanted to be to them and let them see you enjoying your life and moving forward, do not mistake moving forward as deserting them.....just an idea but if you feel you are missing out on so much and are unable to move closer, why don't you save up, get them a computer and get them a digital camera, then they can share their experiences and friends with you - I know they are only young but my 5yr old is a dab hand with the camera, would their mother help them do that on your behalf. I hope you settle your mind on this soon and things work out for you.

Stop beating yourself up. As long as your children know that you gave your all in the marriage they will love you. and continue do little things. Send them a card every so often. that is not $costly at all. Pick up the phone and say good night sometimes. Just show that you are wanting to be there. Kids are people too and they will remember any and all efforts that you put fourth. Keep on being a good father to your children. And you can make this thing work.

I'm 32, and the single custodial dad of a 3 year old boy and a 7 year old girl.

If it's any consolation I face the same problems. Daily. And I live with my kids 24/7 with an ex wife who has very very little to do with our children.

It is that problem (feeling inadequate as a father) which has led me here to try to find comfort.

If I can in return provide any advice or assistance do not hesitate to ask.

Queshank