Some of you already know my story, but for the sake of those who dont. Here's the nutshell version.

Marriage of 20 years ends when wife discovers women as fun as men.

Hope that sums it up...sorry bout the bluntness.
Needless to say even after over a year since the divorce my kids are pretty angry with their mother. Esp. my son, (15 1/2). All 3 children live with me. My son is the most melacholy of the 3.
I have done my best to raise my children to be as respectful as possible especially to elders.

However, during a recent online conversation with her, my son told his mother, that he pretty much thinks of her in terms of "a sick dog".

Now, obviously my son is deeply wounded, to have actually stated this. I am actually shocked. I can understand the feeling, but am nonetheless disappointed.

I had a very calm chat with my son asking him to be respectful at all times to his mother and keep those kinds of comments to himself.

At no time, have or do I badmouth his mother. It's a rule I had when I was married, and it's still enforced now.

I think that obviously he still has to work through quite a bit. I have mentioned counseling before, and all 3 children are adamandtly against it.

So here's the question:

Do I force the counseling on them?

For my oldest, she can refuse, she's now 18.

My youngest is 11, Friday.

Thanks.
-paul.

forcing counseling will only lead to resentment... I can honestly say I know where your kids are coming from... my mom left when I was 15 to pursue a relationship with a woman...

I can honestly say when I was put in counseling it did me no good. I went briefly and it just made me resentful. the best thing I think you can do it to try and get your kids into writing... in a journal, songs, whatever it takes... writing helped me a great deal to get out the emotions I was feeling, and the ones I didn't know I had...and at one point they will all have to have a brutal talk with their mom. they are wounded and with good reason.

Poofer, you are a good dad. Just being htere for them when they need to talk is a great tool for them to begin to heal. hugs to you :huggies:

I think your son is at a phase in his life that's challenging already - let alone having parents divorcing and a mother coming out of the closet. I think you should continue in talking to him about what respect is and encourage them to go to counselling. The eldest will have to take it upon herself but the youngest should go regardless.

Well,..... sigh. Thanks.. Tab,Jes....I really appreciate your input.

Luckily, my son is and has been a musician/songwriter for a number of years now. Has written over 200 songs. ok ...some are more like Adam Sandlers songs about a "froggy" but those still count.

Anyhow, that has really helped him working his way thru this. That is the main reason I have not pushed counseling and my initial considerations did also lead me to believe he would be resentful of just 1 more thing that he has no control over being forced on him...ie. counseling.

My oldest.. she assists in songwriting and has spent the last four years writing a novel. Including a second novel she is writing online. I'll post the link, if I can find it.

My youngest is a "Flamenco Dancer" and along with music and painting... which she is eerily good at... this also helps her. Btw, she starts Karate in 2 weeks.. she's so stoked...LOL.

She cant wait to kick boys in the "Junk"...LOL..

Anyhow.. thanks for your input and taking the time.

-paul.

All 4 of my kids get really blunt with there dad but to them he is the fifth child.
My oldest is 17 he is a great drummer he went to live with Dad and his Dad pawned my sons drummers and said to blame me that is how he got his lawyer.My eldest will not do counceling either.He has turned to drugs and drinking dropped out of school at his fathers advice.I have a punching bag that he and my second can get all of there stress out and yell all of the obsenitise they want.
My second is 16 he has been suicial with depression and learning disabled.He will not do counceling lives with dad .He also is no longer on his medication his dad thinks it is stupid.On 3 occations he has tryed to stay on the railway tracks so a train will hit him.He uses the punching bags as well.
My third is 14 he draws,writes novels,designs websites and videos.He is a straight A student and he wont go for counceling.He is very angry with his dad he left the house before me.He calls his dad on every broken promise.
My fourth is my daughter she is 13.She is doing the best out of all of them.She gets angry when Dad makes degrading calls about woman.Her defence is she just wont go down to dads.She is not interested in counceling.


Forced counceling will only cause them to quit talking all together.They will also stop talking to the supportive parent cause they will see it as if I tell my dad or mom how I feel then they worry and I have to go to counceling.

Hope this helps some teenagers know it all just ask them.They will one day realize that maybe counceling will help but that will come after the I can handle anything phase and the Im fine.

Hey Paulj - I know respect is important and I would continue to encourage that, but at some point they will need to resolve some of their issues directly with their mother and tell her exactly the way things are between them (hopefully with respect). I say this because I never had the opportunity to resolve issues with my own mom (my abuser) before she died at the age of 38, I was 19. It sounds like your kids have found outlets, but maybe consider having your son write a letter to his mom (not necessarily give it to her) and write everything he would like to say to her. Maybe at a later date he could finesse it so that it was respectful enough to send/give to her. Just some of my own thoughts. I hope they help!