I am a single father with four kids in my custody. The mother is a dead beat. Who hasn't paid any child support yet and all she has to pay is the state minimum of $100. She now owes $2,000 in child support. She get money and food stamps from welfare, plus section 8 and her phone is free. she is claiming she is disabled because of strokes she has had in the past two years. So she is abuseing the system. Iknow if the roles were reversed I would be in jail or on the run. But since she is a woman she gets away with everything. I am basically being screwed by the system. I work hard and take care of children and barely get by. While she get eveything handed to her on a silver platter by the goverment. And she get to she the kids every other week. Is there anything I can do to get some Justice.

Hi and welcome,
As Iam not familiar with your laws as I live in the UK I cannot comment.But there are others in the US who will offer advice of what to do.
But, Iam familiar with the global problems which concern Single Fathers such as how the State treats them as second class citizens and how the official paperwork is nearly always tainted in the Mothers direction.When are they going to realise that Men can do just as good a job raising kids.We are in the 21st Century where there should be equality of services and law regardless of Gender.

The fight for total equality in Parenting will be long,there will be casualites.But, we will win in the end.It is no longer the 19th Century and we, Single Father's will stand up,hold our heads high and be counted as equals in every aspect of the law.

Regards,

Mark

mbullman, Welcome to the site.
The times are changing albeit slowly. I look forward to the day that the newspaper articles, magazine articles, news stories, and certain websites etc. reflect "deadbeat parents" instead of the typical "deadbeat dads" titles. It's only fair I think, just takes society a while to change with the tides. And there certainly is a rising tide of us single dads being the ones to take on raising the children.

I want to start by welcoming you to the site, mbullman. There are many great parents on this site of both genders. Not all are like you ex or mine.

The only way to get justice is to continually contact the Department of Revenue Child Support Enforcement agency in your area. They will eventually get sick of talking to you every day and will do something about her being so far behind in support.

I wish you luck in this matter. I know how frustrating it can be. Hopefully, one day, it won't matter what gender, it will only matter which parent is better suited for the job of parent.

mbullman,
Welcome.Your thoughts have been reflected by many on and off this site. I know the problems with family law personally from experience. And it's universal. But by adding your voice to this site, you are making changes. Small ones but changes none the less. That is my goal too. The law can only change when all of society stands up and asks for it. And your voice being heard here, is heard by many. Maybe if enough fathers tell their stories, together, we can cause change in the way society looks at single fathers. Maybe we can change the title to "parent". Equal in all ways.

Hi mbullman, and welcome.
Just want to let you know its not always the mom that gets away with things. My ex. doesnt pay me child support, and I dont get any governmental help. Everything I try for I make Just above the limit to get it. I am still struggling to get by. I asked my ex. to give me just $20. so I could go to the thrift store to buy my child some clothes, and he wouldnt do it!!! Yet, he lives in his mommys trailer, and pays no rent. Works 24 hours a week, has had 3 new (not brand new, but new to him) cars in the past year. He gets his haircut on a regular basis, and is able to go out to dinner, and the movies with his girlfriend. When I had a few extra dollars to spare to take my daughter to the matinee movie, he gave us a whopping $2. I keep telling him how lucky he is. Other men, like you, dont get away with this, but I try to keep the peace for my daughter. Just wanted to give you another side of the story. To me it doesnt seem the gov. is on my side. I just keep getting the run around, and no answers from any one. (Sorry, just a little peeved here).
Welcome to the site though. Hope you enjoy it is much as I do.

Hi mbullman
nice to meet you. i have a step sister that sounds alot like your ex. trust me, pretty soon time will run out for her and she will have to change.

Welcome!

It's election time, grill everyone that comes to your door asking for your vote.

Call your legislators, your senators, your representitives, tell them your story. They are the people that can change things.

mbullman, how does she get cash assistance if youhave the kids? Does she have others or she get SS?
Meanwhile, have you taken her to court over the money she owes?
I have known of people like that, that are just plain lazy, and like to take advantage of the system, and it is frustarting. I do not see how people can live like that. I like to make money, and be able to but things for my kids and take them places. Also though, when you need something often the gov, comes down on you hard when there are people like that out there abusing the system.
Well, at least you should be able to claim your kids to yourself for the EIC tax credit? I assume you qualify for it since you say you barely get by...?
Well, good luck to you and hang in there!
Lisa

My story too, the kids mom owes over 20,000 by now. I don't say anything or go to court because I still can't believe I got full custody in the first place, I would be scared the ex would ask for joint and get it while we were in court. People think I dumb for not turning her in, but I just don't want to be without my kids for any longer than I have to( every other wekend now). So i do understand......

You might consider checking into a few things:

Utility discounts
call the electric company gas company water company that provide you service and ask about discounts for low income based on family size
discounts

If any of your children have a medical need that requires you to have a phone in the home the phone company may very well furnish you with a basic phone like plus the taxes on that
(anything extra you pay for caller id, etc)

If your family is just low income without the medical need they may still offer a phone line monthly discount

If your ex gets social security disability very possibly either of these situations may apply:
call social security and see if the kids can draw social security on her SS# because she is supposed to be providing support for them

I dont know the exact circumstances for this, but know of a mother of 3 who is disabled and she got
all 3 kids able to draw on her SS# to the tune of
2 or 3 hundred a month - DO NOT think of it as charity or a handout, it is money that has been paid in by her and you (your FICA etc pays for her medicare)

Second, if any of the kids are disabled or delayed they may qualify for social security disability in their own right

Even when a friend of mine was divorced her ex was on ss disability and reg soc security and he still had to pay $50 per month the minimum here in AZ (i think it is)

unfortunately for her she was getting food stamps and maybe some cash benefits and she never saw a penny of it ever because the state took if from him and kept it -

Just some things to think about

also, if your kids are in school they may qualify for free or reduced lunches

also reduced fees at summer programs for parks and recreation and other public and sometimes private organizations like the YMCA or JCC
offer scholarships not just to kids but to entire families - you dont have to be jewish or christian to go to either place.I think that the Y will NEVER turn a child away that wants to participate - I think I read it somewhere.

Hope some of this works for you

take care,

LIsa :thanks:

quote:

Originally posted by mbullman:
[qb] I am a single father with four kids in my custody. The mother is a dead beat. Who hasn't paid any child support yet and all she has to pay is the state minimum of $100. She now owes $2,000 in child support. She get money and food stamps from welfare, plus section 8 and her phone is free. she is claiming she is disabled because of strokes she has had in the past two years. So she is abuseing the system. Iknow if the roles were reversed I would be in jail or on the run. But since she is a woman she gets away with everything. I am basically being screwed by the system. I work hard and take care of children and barely get by. While she get eveything handed to her on a silver platter by the goverment. And she get to she the kids every other week. Is there anything I can do to get some Justice. [/qb]

Hello,

I just would like to say I completely agree on the dead beat parents. It isn't always a "man." I myself am having this problem with my ex husband. I make copies of the letters I send the Department of Social Services here in Missouri. They usually have websites that can direct you to your states laws and child service information. I had to search online and I have found that they let the dead beat parent get away with a lot before doing anything. I even have a court order. You may look into that with your state. I find it rediculous that she only has to pay $100 on 4 children . Absolutely rediculous. If I were you, I would apply for assistance. There is no shame in getting help when you are soley supporting your children. And they should not have to do without because she is a dead beat. I would also check with the local prosecuting attorney's office. They put them in jail here in Missouri.

quote:

Originally posted by mbullman:
[qb] I am a single father with four kids in my custody. The mother is a dead beat. Who hasn't paid any child support yet and all she has to pay is the state minimum of $100. She now owes $2,000 in child support. She get money and food stamps from welfare, plus section 8 and her phone is free. she is claiming she is disabled because of strokes she has had in the past two years. So she is abuseing the system. Iknow if the roles were reversed I would be in jail or on the run. But since she is a woman she gets away with everything. I am basically being screwed by the system. I work hard and take care of children and barely get by. While she get eveything handed to her on a silver platter by the goverment. And she get to she the kids every other week. Is there anything I can do to get some Justice. [/qb]

Hello mbullman! I'm new here too but I can so empathize with you!!! My ex has an "arrears problem" also! I just posted a few minutes ago trying to get ANY suggestions as to how to get the courts moving. The first time her arrears became a problem ($10,000+) the only way I got anything done was to ALMOST harass the local prosecutor ALMOST daily there for a while! I found that constantly putting him on the spot by asking "Is there anything new yet?" made him tired of hearing I was visiting him AGAIN!!! Hang in there!!!