My story:
I don't know how many people out there have similar stories, but I thought while I've been replying and offering advice in a few places that it might help to have some background on my story. I guess to add some credibility, and maybe help someone else be able to say "I'm not alone".

I was raised an only child of a single mother. My father re-married very quickly after his divorce from my mother. I was less than 2 years old. He had two other kids, they live here in Spokane. I've met my father twice in my twenties, but never my 1/2 brother or sister. My fathers reason for this? He didn't want to "confuse" me while I was growing up, if my mom had met and married someone else. This is HIS reason that he told me when I was in my twenties. My mom and family all told me while I was growing up, it was because he had a jealous wife, that wanted him to have NOTHING to do with his past. When I'd ask to see/meet my dad, they would say they'd make a phone call and leave it up to him, but he'd never agree to it. I spent a lot of my youth trying to find that phone number, so I could make the call myself. Once I found a phone number of where he worked, but by the time I got the nerve to call it, a couple of weeks later, he no longer worked there.
He did pay $75 a month child support, off and on, depending on wether or not he was working under the table or if his income was being reported, and he HAD to pay it.

Fast forward...

I met a girl a few years ago, and we started dating. A few weeks after we started dating I found out she was a meth user. I told her I couldn't be with a drug user, and she swore she'd quit. A couple of weeks later, I found out she was still using, and we split up. A couple of months after that she came back and told me she had been clean for a week, and swore she'd never use drugs again! Again, I believed her. We started dating again, and before I knew it, she was running with the same old crowd, and was showing all the signs of using again. I was DONE DONE...
A couple of months later she called and said we needed to talk. I went over to her house and everything was packed up in boxes. She told me she was moving back home to a small town 5 hours away from where she was living. To go be with her brothers to get away from the meth community in Spokane. She also said she was pregnant and there was a good chance it was mine, but there was some doubt in her mind because she had been with her ex b/f while we were split up. She said not to worry about it, becuase she was going to have an abortion on her way out of town, already had the appointment set and everything. But because there was a chance it was my kid she wanted me to have a say in it. I told her I didn't want her to have an abortion. I figured she could move out of town, have the baby, and since she obviously didn't want another kid, I'd take custody and raise the child myself. She already had 1 little girl, 7 years old at the time, and didn't want/need another mouth to feed, or any more responsibility than she already had.
She said she wouldn't have the abortion. She stayed in Spokane, and we started dating again. about a month later she told me that she just "didn't love" me. That we were too different, and that she couldn't be with me. She said she felt "trapped". I told her I wasn't going to force her to be with me. That we shouldn't be together just for the child, becuase in the long run if either one of us is in a relationhship that we didn't want to be in, we'd resent each other and the baby would have a horrible life. The whole time we were dating I treated her little girl as my own. We'd go places and do things together, and she told her mom that she wanted me to be her daddy. But in the end, she just said we were too different and that she didn't think she could love me. I NOW know it was because her drug using lifestyle wasn't going to change, and it was something that I couldn't deal with. She swore she wasn't using drugs during her pregnancy, because she could never hurt the baby like that.
A couple of months after we split up, I started dating someone else. I told my new g/f all about the baby, that it MIGHT be mine, and the history.
She called me one day as I was driving home from work and told me that my ex was on the news. She had gotten arrested for dealing meth in front of her 7 year old daughter, while she was 7 months pregnant! I later found out she had admitted to using "every day" of her pregnancy.
CPS stepped in and she signed a letter saying she was going to turn over custody of her daughter to another family member. She had to check into a treatment facility, and attend aa/na meetings for a couple of years, minimum. When she was released from jail, she finally moved to that little town her family was in, and was kicked out of her treatment program 3 times for not attending. The charges she was arrested for were dropped because the police couldn't turn over their informant. She dropped off CPS' (child protective service) radar, because she was in a county that they weren't going to do follow up's on her.
I went to court to get custody, so my son wouldn't have to grow up in a drug infested environment. All of her family over there in that little town she lives in are all drug users.
In August of 05 he came to live with me. And a few weeks later I was married to that girl I was dating a year and a half earlier that saw my ex on the news.
The judge ordered my baby's mom to get into a treatment program, prove her sobriety, and then we would look at a more liberal parenting plan. Until then we were to meet at a "half way" point for supervised visits. To be conducted by a mental health professional. We decided on a town that was about 1 1/2 hours away from her. And about 3 hours away from me. There's not much else between us.
About a year later,(Aug '06) my wife moved away to another state for "professional" reasons, with my full support and understanding that she'd be coming back in a year. When I got home one night nearly ALL of her things were gone, and I didn't hear anything from her for 3 weeks. We ended up getting divorced. I have my theories on this, but it seems that hers are far from the reality that I know.
Back to my sons mom.
Here it is, a year and a half driving back and forth, and no effort on her part to get into treatment. Nor prove her sobriety. The Guardian ad litem on this case said that he wanted to see 6 months random UA's to be done, still, not one. I recently took her back to court to try to get the visitations moved here to Spokane. Our meeting in this other place was supposed to be only temporary, until my son's mom did something about proving her sobriety. He HATES the 3 hour car ride to get there, to sit with his mom for 2 hours (she scaled it back from 4, by her choice) and the 3 hour car ride home. He's going to start potty training soon, and he's not going to be very happy when I tell him we can't pull over for 40 more miles, until the next rest stop. Out of the 6 hour car ride, he screams for about 4 hours of it, and sleeps the other 2. The older he gets the worse it's becoming. He doesn't understand why we have to go so far just to spend a couple of hours with his mama.
She hasn't paid one red cent for child support. Has yet to buy him anything other than a toy or two. She has never turned in her financial paperwork to figure out how much child support she should be paying and refuses to have anything to do with it because she says "mothers don't have to pay child support".
We get by. And with her income the child support would be very small anyways. But at least I'd feel like she'd be CONTRIBUTING SOMETHING to his upbrining, instead of costing us, in gas money and emotional turmoil.
She doesn't get it. None of her decisions have EVER been about her sons best interest.
When we went to go back to court last week, she claimed she didn't know anything about any random UA's, etc... and we had to re-schedule to get all of the documentation out to prove she did. Her typical fashion, ostrich syndrome. Bury her head in the sand until the problem goes away. I wish she'd either quit drugs and start thikning about her son, or keep using and forget about him. It's not fair to him, and when he gets older, he's really going to start resenting her for doing this.
So... my attorney is meeting again with the GAL (Guardian Ad Litem) again next Friday to catch him up on the case, and to get a new reccommendation from him. At my request. The reason I know I'm doing the right thing, despite all of her protests, is that the GAL is always echoing my thoughts/sentiments. I told my attorney that whatever the GAL thinks is the RIGHT thing to do for my son, I'm willing to abide by it.
So, we are going to make this drive a few more times, until we can get the GAL's input and go back to court and get ANOTHER temporary parenting plan in place.

I applaud all of you single parents out there that are making EVERY decision based on what's best for your children. There are a lot of hard decisions that upset a great many people sometimes, but you HAVE to do what is right for your kids. Always. Period.

Her recent counter offer to visitations being moved back her to Spokane, was to have unsupervised visitations conducted here. All day Saturday, and All day Sunday. That would be GREAT for me! I'd FINALLY get some time to myself! I haven't had more than 2 hours alone since he came to live with me a year and a half ago. But I am not about to trust her. She would most likely spend her days with the only friends she has here in Spokane, all known meth users. She's already shown she's not afraid of dealing drugs in front of her children, or doing drugs in front of them either. That was also in the reports. How she'd use meth in front of her 7 year old daugher, and her daughers friends. He daugher is massively overweight, because she hoards food. She never knew when her next meal would be so she'd steal food from the neighbors, and wherever else she could get it. Her mother even padlocked the refrigerator.

<sigh>

This is just getting SOOO old.

I hope I didn't bore you too much with my story, and I do feel better now that I've vented!

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i was just browsing and found your story. I am so happy to read about your story. I to make all my decisions based on what best for my daughter. Not what everyone else thinks isbest for her. I know its a struggle but you know that one day your little "man" is going to know who loved him, put him first before anything and when he is older he will make his own judgements on his mother. I commend you on trying to keep her involved because if it was not for you his mother prob would of and may still forget about him. So sad but true. Keep on being strong. Your story really inspired me. Thanks for sharing it.

Yes that is quite the cutie you have posted up there I might say...
Sorry that you had to go through all that.

By the way...do you think we share the same father? LOL I didn't meet mine till I was 25.

As for the drugs...I don't know if I could ever trust again. My ex used to do that and I didn't know until I was pregnant. Hmmmm so alot of worrying before the baby was born wondering what if...

He does have mild tourettes...I don't know if it is related to the drugs he used or not. It is not hereditary that we know of on either sides of our family.

Anyway, I hope things work out for you and as for her little girl she is going to need alot of help later on.

Miranda