I decided some time ago that I needed to seek some sort of support and it has taken me awhile to get here.

It has been over a year now since my ex-wife told me she did not want to be married anymore. It was a shock to me, I was looking at all the blessings I had (beautiful wife and two wonderful sons) and she was looking at what she didn't have. I felt like a total failure and couldn't understand why things couldn't be solved, she just wanted out.

I am writing this of course not only to tell my story but I just need some direction.

We were living overseas and she got her wish and left with the boys to return to the United States. It wasn't long before my son revealed to me the real reason behind her wanting to separate when he announced that someone I knew was staying with them... It seems she had been having an affair and as soon as she got her own place one of the guys I worked with moved in! Obviously there is alot of anger involved with my situation.

One of the stipulations that she insisted was in the custody papers is that all travel for the boys between homes would be split 50-50... for the summer I requested that the boys come stay with me which she is all for but this summer I can't have them because she cannot afford her half of the airfare. Why can't she pay for her half (which I remind you was her rule)... well because she spent all her money on a breast enhancement! So, I sit here and dwell on the fact that I don't get to see my sons for this reason and where exactly my child support goes...

If anybody has any ideas on how the process works to where I can get my kids please let me know. This whole thing is really upsetting to me and I'm starting to feel like a door mat.

This is my nightmare and I guess I just needed to tell someone.

Welcome to the board, glad you found us. It sounds like maybe you don't have specific dates/schedule outlined for visitation? since you mention requesting them to stay with you for the summer. If that's the case it will be harder to deal with and press the issue. Sometimes it's just stated as "reasonable" and leaves too much to interpretations.
If that's the case you could look into having visitation modified for specifics so that she would be liable to follow that schedule, or just end up paying the airfare so that at least you get to see them. Yeah, I know that's gotta sound like insult to injury, but at least it sounds like that's the only thing that would keep you from seeing them, not like she's refusing them to go.
I hope you find a way to work it out.

The dates are all specific in the custody papers but the fact remains that she doesn't have the money to come up with her half of travel, and I don't have enough to pay for the whole thing. Right now I am working on returning so I can at least see them but I have done that the last two times and not only is it catering to her but I am tired of the boys having to sleep on sofas and in hotels whenever I'm with them. I have a house with a bedroom for them, I want them to know that I too have a home for them. So, you're right, I get to see them and that's what matters to me but second to that is their perception of the situation.

Hi and welcome to the board. It is a great place to be. I am sorry for your situation. The only thing I can think of and it is kind of out of line, pay for a one way ticket and let her worry about getting them back. She will find the money when the time comes.
I wish you the best and hope things get better for you.
Lots of prayers.

Hi losingit and welcome.

Feel better? A little bit anyways?

Is your legal situation an international one? I'm assuming because of your "from" indication. I can suggest one thing for sure. Seek out and investigate legal help in the jurisdiction where the boys live. Then come and vent here. Arm yourself with facts and knowledge.

I think you must be proactive. Do what you have to get your boys and take care of the other stuff later. Keep your reciepts and a diary. A day may come when the tables are turned.

And I feel your anger...been there done that. Don't let it into all of your life. Keep some things separate for your own sanity.

Good luck.
(edit: One more question. Is the divorce final? That could make a big difference.)

A little more on me.

Yes the divorce is final, I don't know how she did it but it was done not long after she got back to the United States. She used some legal service in Guam... don't ask me, it is for the dissulution of marriage not the cutody of the children. The whole cutody thing came later and is still going on.

I am in the Marine Corps and stationed with the American Embassy in Syria right now. Making it difficult to investigate the legal aspects of this whole fiasco. My boys are in Washington (state that is) so the whole thing is falling under their set of rules.

Tough situation there Losingit. I can't offer much more except that right now, google may be your best chance.

Keep venting here. It would be interesting to learn more from the international aspects.

Best of luck to you.

I'm in kinda the same boat for advice. You mentioned the visitation is spelled out in a schedule so you could, in theory, take that to court for her not upholding her end of the agreement/court order. But then the legal fees, logistics of where you are and it may be worse than the visitation cost falling on your shoulders for the time being.
No, not fair.
Do you have any access to legal help that could represent you through the Marines?

There is really no avenue for in depth legal help from the Military side, and you're right as far as legal fee would far exceed what it would cost to fly them out here on my own so I am pretty much stuck.

On a different note: I just recieved an e-mail from her with the bill for what it will cost for my boys to go to summer camp. Because that is what they'll have to do since they can't come live with me. I already pay more than what is required for child support.... I know, I know why am I venting AND paying more than I need to for child support? Well in my mind the money is going to the kids... maybe I am nieve. Anyway, my point being, should I be paying for summer camp, which, let's face it, is actually day care or is this part of what child support is for?

No worries about venting, that's what we're all here for if need be. I've just recently done a bit of venting myself about child support for one of my daughter's that's 18, not attending school though "enrolled" etc. but I'm working on that one........enough about me

Unless the court order specifically states you are to pay for things like summer camp (extracirricular activities) you are not liable to pay them. She would have to take that back into court to get a ruling on it. Read through your court order for any specifics about that, and better yet if need be, have a lawyer read through it. I'm not sure what summer camp costs compared to airfare, but if you end up paying for summer camp (liable or not) maybe you can just find a way to get the airfare. Another thing to consider...does your child support go directly to her or through Child Support Services. Maybe you could ask her about deducting her half of the airfare from child support if it goes directly to her? If it goes through CSS they wouldn't accept that though. Just a thought.
Other than that it's understandable that child support alone wouldn't necessarily be the only money spent for your kids. But honestly, it seems kinda strange that she would expect you to pay for summer camp instead of them coming to see you.