I am a divorced single father of two little girls they are four and five. They are dealing with an inattentive mother. She has a very liberal visitation schedule consisting of two weeknights and every other weekend. However, she see them maybe for six hours over the weekend and rarely calls them. They constantly tell me they miss their mommy and it just breaks my heart everytime. I comfort them and tell them it's okay to miss her and they have nothing to do with the divorce. I have made it clear that she can call anytime as can they. At least she returns their calls. Any books or articles that help us cope?? My girls mean the world to me!!!

First off welcome to SFV!

Continue to be supportive to your girls , in all honsty that is all you can do.If she steps away from them , there is nothing you can do .Nothing they can do.I always tell my kids that their daddy loves them,and thinks of them, even though he isnt around and worrying about his next baby.

Its hard to fill both parent roles when your on your own.Just keep positive , for them. She will either come around , or they will learn on their own what is important , that daddy stood by them. Keep your chin up , and just let them know love is always there, they may not see it ( from her ) , but its there...

So hard for the little ones..

- SFV is the best single parent book i can advise you to read. So many points of view, and these are real people with real experiances, all you need to do is read them , and vent when you need to , we are all here for eachother!

Welcome to the forum....and well said mum of two.
I lost my manual that told me how to cope with some of the stuff Alright, lame attempt at humor but that's one of the things you'll want to hold on to. Good dose of that if you hang around this forum. There's also really a lot of good reading material through the older topics as well, might find some good tidbits how to get through it.....you'll at least find a lot of perseverance.

I can relate, I have a 14 year old daughter whose mother might call every couple/few weeks....average visit every few months....and she knows her daughter is in counseling etc because of her mother's "lack of mother qualities" I've had custody of her for nearly 7 years now and she's finally just about accepting her mom's situation for what it is. Of course some of that is because of somewhat of a replacement obsession....BOYS.
Well maybe I'd better shut up before I scare you more.... I can't force her mother to change, all I can do is be the one to be there for my daughter, in both "roles" even, because that's the cards we're dealt with sometimes. Try first bra shopping, uh....monthly cycle talk/feminine product purchases.....oh that's right I was going to shut up

Same difference for some of the women on here also.

welcome to sfv in my opinion she is hurting the kids by not spending time with them, she has he visitation rights yet she is pretty much absent..talk to her let her know how you feel about this and let her know that her kids miss her...i mean its sad a person would do this to her kids but the most important thing is they have you well keep strong

Hi,
It sounds like we have a lot in common. I've been dealing with this same problem for the last couple of weeks. I have a boy 2 1/2 and a girl 14 months. Their mother lives 600 miles away. She has unlimited amount of visitation that I gave her, hoping to keep her in their life. We've been seperated (going on a divorce) for about 7 months and she has only seen the kids 4 times, and she quit calling. So recently my son has been asking why his mom lives in colorado, and tells me that she is comming to see him tommorrow. I try to explain to him she lives a long way from us, I even showed him a map.(like he understood but I tried) he just says why daddy why? I called her and told her and she said to tell him she loves him and she will see him soon. I already did that. She could hear him in the background and didn't even ask to talk to him. sorry I needed to vent a little.
I am also not sure what to say to my son. and am dreading the day that my daughter asks me the same questions.
It sounds like to me that you have done everything you can to explain to your daughters what is going on. I think it will only take time to help them understand.
I get mad at their mother becouse I have to hear my son ask for his mother and see the look on his face when he's tring to understand why she's not around. It doesnt seem to bother her.
I don't understand how a woman can give birth to a child and not want to be in their life 24/7, and see all the wonderful things kids do.

good luck!

fantasticfather....don't believe I've welcomed you yet...so....welcome to the forum.

Great looking kids.....I do need to ask you to resize those pictures though. In our signatures we try to keep the photos to around 250/300 pixels.
Bigger pictures are alright in the photo album area, picture sharing threads but it makes posting/reading in general topic areas harder for dial up users......or anyone when it's so big that it alters the page breaks.
Thanks

quote:

Originally posted by Don:
fantasticfather....don't believe I've welcomed you yet...so....welcome to the forum.

Great looking kids.....I do need to ask you to resize those pictures though. In our signatures we try to keep the photos to around 250/300 pixels.
Bigger pictures are alright in the photo album area, picture sharing threads but it makes posting/reading in general topic areas harder for dial up users......or anyone when it's so big that it alters the page breaks.
Thanks

Thanks for the welcome. i've been trying to make the pic.. smaller. I thought I had it. guess not. I'll try again.

Both of you Dads, Welcome!

As far as the topic at hand. Talking to their mother (assuming you have a civil relationship with her)could help with her understand the effect she is having. If you DO, speak with her, do your best to keep your feelings out of the conversation. It's difficult.

If that is not an option, realize as a single parent there is only so much you can do. Dont beat yourself up about it. Kids are pretty tough and can adapt very well, especially with regular attentive talking.

I know it sound cliche, but it DOES get better over time. Maybe some of the member here can suggest things to do to keep your girls a little more distracted or pacified during those stressful moments.

Hang in there. Good to have you here.

I want to thank all who have replied. I have tried talking to her about at least calling them everyday. I tried being nice at first, then I see the affect on them and I am furious with their idiot of a mother and told her again in not so many words to take 5 minutes out of her busy day to call her daughters. Why should I have to do this, she just doesn't get it. These girls don't deserve this. Obviously, I was wrong for lashing out in anger and I realize now that I can't change her and make her be the mother they need and deserve. I just have to help them cope and deal with the anger. It's comforting to know I am not the only one out there yet sad at the same time. My ex has five children (including our two) and not a single one lives with her. I guess that says a mouthful right there. I got some books for them at the liabrary, it's hard most of the books cover absent fathers not mothers. Both situations are an absolute tragedy. Thank you all for listening!!!

I am in a similar situation. The difference is that my children's mother hasn't even tried to make contact. I believe you have it more difficult with the in and out mother of your kids. When my kids long for their mom, I tell them that mommy still, and will always love you, but she has to work with herself before she can be the mother she was before and can be again. I know your girls are still very young. Maybe if you can find a way to word something like that to their comprehension level, it may help quite a bit. It has for my kids, it took a few months after moving in with me, but eventually they reached the point of verbalizing their sadness without the crying or depression-like behavior surfacing.

Bare with me here...I'm new to this. I just wanted to give a special shout-out to all you other dads that are sluggin' away at this, too. Keep your chin up. I am a single father of four. 1 boy and three girls. 2 of my kids are now teen-agers. My ex is currently incarserrated. This means VERY limited visitations - absent in all other aspects - no child support and she STILL wants to tell me I'm not raising them correctly ??? WTF ???

Anyways, just wanted to say - keep on going...despite the many mountains to climb.

Does anyone know if there is any finnancial asistance available to single parents, other than the standard state programs? Private programs ?

Much appreciated - thanks.

Hi Roadkil,

Welcome to the forum. I'm impressed...4 kiddos and two teens. I'm trying to get used to my 1 teen.

Anyway, Robin posted a prescreening site that may tell you about assistance you may qualify for. Here's the link:Assistance link

Good luck