I have a 5 year old son whom I have been very blessed to raise since he was 15 months old. His mother has Bi polar and a drug habit so until recently only had supervised visits. She only acted on theses supervised visits once in a blue moon when it fit her busy schedule of getting loaded and sleeping all day. When my son was 3 started really struggling with this mommy in and out stuff so I seeked advice from a child therapist if I should allow here any access at all being that this in and out **** was breaking my sons heart. She said a little access was better than none and he needs to know who his mom is. My son now 5 has struggled with it lately now more than ever. So I seeked advice from another counselor who said get his mom a list of non profit treatment centers and tell her she can not have any access to my son until she has 90 days sober and is back on her meds. I since have taken the advice and did this. I explained to my son that his mom was sick and until she gets the help she needs he wont be seeing her any more. I also imparted that he is such a great loving wonderful little boy and there was nothing he did to cause this or nothing he can do to fix it and that mommy is making bad choices right now. He sobbed for about 30 minutes strong. while he did not see her much or, just enough to get his hope up and then cut back down it still hurt him. just like any kid they want there mom there. I know in due time with lots of prayer, love and stability all this will come to pass and he will learn how to cope with this.Has anyone been through this and have any sound advice on me helping my son cope ?

Drew,
I am sorry for your son that his mom is not well.

Many of us have had to explain these types of things to our children for the same or similar reasons.

The best thing is to be diligent with the information you have given him already. Keep telling him he is loved and deserving.

I would also see about getting him counseling on a consistent basis right now.

I wish you luck and hope mom gets her self some real help.

Hey Drew, I've also had to deal with my daughter wanting her mom to be a more regular part of her life. Her mom's lifestyle sounds very familiar to what I just read in your story. Starting him in some sort of counseling now would be a good idea. As aware as I always thought I was of just how upset my daughter was by her mom's choices, I still got surprised last year. http://singleparentsnetwork.com/cgi-bbs/ultimatebb.cgi?/topic/5/1065.html

I won't try to tell you what to do about your situation and visitation. For us I gave in and began allowing visitation again, and had my daughter in for counseling, and she attends al-ateen (she's older than your son though, 13 next week and I've had her for 5 years as of yesterday. Anyway, being able to at least visit with her mom even though her mom isn't about to win any parent of the year contests has helped in our situation. The only thing that makes allowing it even bearable is that my daughter does do better by being able to see her mom.

I'm not even sure if I'm making sense what I'm trying to convey here, mostly just saying that I can understand how hard it is to try to make sense of and base decisions from. I do think counseling for him would be a good idea.....

Drew inless she decides she needs help I dout she will take you up on advice about mental health, mine wouldn't.
http://singleparentsnetwork.com/ubb/ultimatebb.php?/topic/60/10.html

sadly your child is at a young age. It probly would be best if the mother just didn't come around if she is not going to be active in your childs life.

Thanks for the direstion everyone. I am going to take the advice on keeping him in counsleing on a weekly basis. As well as myself just to have some one other than bias family to run ideas past on dealing with my son. Once agian thanks and any direction and advice is welcomed and I thank everyone who gives it.