I am nut nuts-
Thats how much time has passed since my baby's father has walked out of apt-

My question to you fathers is how much longer do I wait till I contact him?

Let me give you the long story short -
He moved out in mid april.
He would come by 1x a week or so.
I got hit by a car so I am temp home from work - left arm cast, knee bone contusions, messed up back -
I asked him to please come over to help with our son -
I cant bathe self or son or wash dishes .....
He knocked on my door 430am friday morning drunk & slept on sofa. I woke him up in moring to change baby "explosive" diaper.
/i painfully got baby breakfast & tried to clean house since baby speech terapist coming.
At lunch I woke him up to run to the store on the corner for me & to cook baby lunch,
(He is a cook)
He got mad I woke him up & shoved me out of the way & ran out of house.
He didnt even say bye to his son or close the door.

Please fathers tell me what to do next?

(My phone has countdown on it so I put the date in to see how long it would be - I am sad for my son that it has been this long)

Thank u

I'm not a father - am a mommy, but see you have no replies, so here's mine.

DON'T CALL HIM ANYMORE!!!! If he's there, get him out. He's causing you even more work than you had doing this alone. Screw him. You are stronger than you think - it's obvious from what you write. Resign yourself to the fact that, at least for now, you are better off without him. You don't need him around to make you work more or degrade you. He's not doing you any favors.

As for the logistics of the cast: is it not one of those that can get wet? (If it's not made of plaster, it can get wet, just needs a thorough drying. The non-plaster type has a mesh wrap around it. If you are not sure, call the facility and ask - unless they specifically told you not to get it wet) If you can't get the cast wet, then sponge-baths for you and kiddo will do for now.

Think outside the box. This condition is not permanent and you can get through a couple of weeks this way. As for the dishes - use paper and convenience foods as much as possible. Perhaps there is a neighbor/teen who could use some small change (if you have any to give) in exchange for lite duties you really can't do. Contact the girl scouts/4-H. Sometimes they need to do stuff like this for badges or community projects (and it will be free) Give it a try.

Blessings to you while you are healing and far beyond...

I am a father. I can only say it is a shame he can't step up and help with the baby. So what if he got aggravated at being woke up, it is part of being a new parent.
To me it sounds more like he needed a place to crash from drinking than he was there to try to help. If that's the best he can do for you, it probably would be easier, less aggravation, to come up with a different plan to make it through this.
I just can't imagine since it's been this long already that he has stayed away, while knowing your situation, that contacting him would make much difference in his willingness to help you out. If you do try 1 more time there's no time like the present, but if he can't help simply by you stating your need without having to pressure him, then drop it and come up with plan B.
Good luck, hope you get some sort of assistance.

thanks for replies!

i still have not heard from him

i do need money

any ideas on what steps to take

i have plaster cast - it cant bewet
my cousin came & washed baby hair today

11 days 8 hours 50 minutes

uuuuuuuuuugggggghhhhhhhh

oh yeah to make matters wosrt i got jury summons today[


QUOTE]Originally posted by dsconstructs:
[qb]I am a father. I can only say it is a shame he can't step up and help with the baby. So what if he got aggravated at being woke up, it is part of being a new parent.
To me it sounds more like he needed a place to crash from drinking than he was there to try to help. If that's the best he can do for you, it probably would be easier, less aggravation, to come up with a different plan to make it through this.
I just can't imagine since it's been this long already that he has stayed away, while knowing your situation, that contacting him would make much difference in his willingness to help you out. If you do try 1 more time there's no time like the present, but if he can't help simply by you stating your need without having to pressure him, then drop it and come up with plan B.
Good luck, hope you get some sort of assistance.[/qb][/QUOTE]

BlondMamaof1,

STOP THAT COUNTER !

Please, believe me, I know what I am talking about.

Watching this thing IS making you go nuts.

Get on with your life.

quote:

Originally posted by stardust:
[qb]I'm not a father - am a mommy, but see you have no replies, so here's mine.

DON'T CALL HIM ANYMORE!!!! If he's there, get him out. He's causing you even more work than you had doing this alone. Screw him. You are stronger than you think - it's obvious from what you write. Resign yourself to the fact that, at least for now, you are better off without him. You don't need him around to make you work more or degrade you. He's not doing you any favors.

As for the logistics of the cast: is it not one of those that can get wet? (If it's not made of plaster, it can get wet, just needs a thorough drying. The non-plaster type has a mesh wrap around it. If you are not sure, call the facility and ask - unless they specifically told you not to get it wet) If you can't get the cast wet, then sponge-baths for you and kiddo will do for now.

Think outside the box. This condition is not permanent and you can get through a couple of weeks this way. As for the dishes - use paper and convenience foods as much as possible. Perhaps there is a neighbor/teen who could use some small change (if you have any to give) in exchange for lite duties you really can't do. Contact the girl scouts/4-H. Sometimes they need to do stuff like this for badges or community projects (and it will be free) Give it a try.

Blessings to you while you are healing and far beyond...[/qb]

I couldn't agree with you more...Sweetie, we have to stop making ourselves the victims. You're already in a situation that is stressful (cast and needing help with baby), why call on someone (even if its your baby's father) that isn't willing to be a contributor to your needs versus a dang headache.

Lose the countdown...that's just a constant reminder of his neglect to be there for you. Learn when to let it go and move on...I know that's difficult to consider in your situation, but who is really caring for you and the baby right now..WE ARE TRULY A LOT STRONGER THAN WE APPLY OURSELVES TO BE....

I know family can let you down too...Is there anyone else that can assist you? Church members, neighbors, etc....

Best Wishes and let us know how things are going...

Prayers for you!

thanks again all-

my brother is coming tonight -

i was a bad girl & texted him this afternon0
he didnt respond-
i knowwhat a shock

but i need money

my neighbor - his babyitter - had2 move so there really is no one to help

we r trapped in house all day

what steps can i take to collect miney

quote:

Originally posted by All4Mine:
[qb]

I couldn't agree with you more...Sweetie, we have to stop making ourselves the victims. You're already in a situation that is stressful (cast and needing help with baby), why call on someone (even if its your baby's father) that isn't willing to be a contributor to your needs versus a dang headache.

Lose the countdown...that's just a constant reminder of his neglect to be there for you. Learn when to let it go and move on...I know that's difficult to consider in your situation, but who is really caring for you and the baby right now..WE ARE TRULY A LOT STRONGER THAN WE APPLY OURSELVES TO BE....

I know family can let you down too...Is there anyone else that can assist you? Church members, neighbors, etc....

Best Wishes and let us know how things are going...

Prayers for you![/qb]

quote:

Originally posted by BlondeMamaof1:
[qb]thanks again all-

my brother is coming tonight -

i was a bad girl & texted him this afternon0
he didnt respond-
i knowwhat a shock

but i need money

my neighbor - his babyitter - had2 move so there really is no one to help

we r trapped in house all day

what steps can i take to collect miney

[/qb]

As far as what you should do about money for your child, you have several options basically: 1) look for employment yourself (if you have a job but ends are still not being met, then perhaps think of second part-time job or looking for higher paying job), 2) find an attorney to file for child support if he is working, and 3) don't be to proud to contact your local public assistance office and see if they can help.

Another thing that you may want to keep in mind is that there are organizations non profit that provide legal services for free or at little cost to individuals who can not afford it. This may be something that you may want to check into. If you let me know where you are located (city/state), I would be willing to assist you with this, if you would like. Also, contact your local Attorney General office and see if they can help you get child support from the father. I personally think it is VERY sad when fathers do not want to financially support their children. I have seen situtations where the father has literally kicked the mother and child (baby) out of the house (believe it or not in winter) because he wanted "the other woman" to move in so he could know what she was doing when they were not together. It very much saddens me when fathers are able to take care of their children, but don't because of personal issues.

My advice is to pursue the child support as quickly as possible becuase it can take time before you get before a judge.

Good Luck.

quote:

I got hit by a car so I am temp home from work - left arm cast, knee bone contusions, messed up back -[snip]

At lunch I woke him up to run to the store on the corner for me & to cook baby lunch,
(He is a cook)
He got mad I woke him up & shoved me out of the way & ran out of house.
He didnt even say bye to his son or close the door.

Let me get this straight...you were *hit by a car* and actually have a cast on your arm and this man not only was not a help, but *got mad* when you woke him up *at lunch time* and the SHOVED YOU and ran away like a punk? I think everyone else covered the more practical issues, but I am left wondering why you would even waste your time missing a person like this. IMO you're better off alone than with a bully who shoves around an injured person.

The only thing I can say is I agree with all of the other comments made. STOP the counter and stop him from coming over. This man has shown you what he will do for you when you are down I don't imagine it will get any better when youre up.

For your sake and your babies let him go call a family member or a friend or church member. My aunt tells me all the time a closed mouth will get you nothing... I sure do hate you are going through this right now and to top it all off that sorry excuse of an exboyfriend/ babydaddy is treating you this way. You deserve better than that. I hope things get better for you and I will keep you in my prayers. GOD BLESS!!

thanks again all

i do have a full time job - i am a teacher - i am on mdical leave WITHOUT pay - i am going back this friday with my cast and cane - it should be interesting? :}

tomorrow i am meeting with a social worker

i left him a message today - saying if i didnt hear from him i would start calling every number i find

he doesnt have all his papers yet and i dont want to be responsible for kicking him out of the country

for 2 reasons 1- i will feel bad that my son will never see his "father" then
2 - i will never get child suport hen

ooooohhhhhh what to do?

thanks again

quote:

Originally posted by Kimmie123:
[qb]The only thing I can say is I agree with all of the other comments made. STOP the counter and stop him from coming over. This man has shown you what he will do for you when you are down I don't imagine it will get any better when youre up.

For your sake and your babies let him go call a family member or a friend or church member. My aunt tells me all the time a closed mouth will get you nothing... I sure do hate you are going through this right now and to top it all off that sorry excuse of an exboyfriend/ babydaddy is treating you this way. You deserve better than that. I hope things get better for you and I will keep you in my prayers. GOD BLESS!![/qb]

He should be the one thinking about that, I understand that you want the child support but you really are not getting any now are you and he really does not come around now right. so what is the difference of him getting papers he still won't see him nor help financially. Yes, you will probally get the child support but it won't make him be the father you want and that he should be. Stop thinking so much about what he needs and think about what you and your son needs at this time. That is the one thing that kept me going back and giving my kids father chance after chance thus allowing him to do or not do whatever he wanted and still not help. Think about YOU and BABY let him worry about not getting his papers.

I am a single father of two and cant imagine being without my children. I say good riddens to him if he is not man enough to take responsibility of his children. I dont know the specifics of your accident but I know that your PIP on your car insurance covers you regardless of who hit who, this coverage will allow someone to come into your home and do the things you are not able to do because of the accident. You might want to check into it. I hope this helps you.