Hi All,

I'm new to this site. I have a beautiful ten year old daughter whose father left me during pregnancy. Anyway...I appreciate all who read this post and answer...I truly do. Here is my dilemna.

I was just told that my job may not have the funding for my position next year. But you see this is not new news, my position is as a specialist in schools and is ALWAYS being cut first. SO...teachers, as you know are poorly payed and I am so damn frustrated having to look for a new job each year or every other.

I want to go back to school but I am SCARED out of my mind. I am no longer that nubile 25 year old who was fearless of the world. Now I am so scared and it mostly hinges on my age. I am 38 and worried that this is too risky financially, emotionally etc. to do. I want to go into medicine which, and I hope youre not all laughing now, would of course take time, commitment and courage.

Second, I am sooo lonely. My parents consider me an adult and I live in another state. Their stance is - unless you move to us we wont come to you. And they live in a very wealthy area but cant help us out.

I yearn for a relationship but feel tired, on edge, always on the go. You Know You Know.

Does anyone have advice? Please? I do not know any other single mothers, this town is full of families. My friends just do not get it.
Thanks again,
Livvie's Mom

quote:

Originally posted by livvie97:
Hi All,

I'm new to this site. I have a beautiful ten year old daughter whose father left me during pregnancy. Anyway...I appreciate all who read this post and answer...I truly do. Here is my dilemna.

I was just told that my job may not have the funding for my position next year. But you see this is not new news, my position is as a specialist in schools and is ALWAYS being cut first. SO...teachers, as you know are poorly payed and I am so damn frustrated having to look for a new job each year or every other.

I want to go back to school but I am SCARED out of my mind. I am no longer that nubile 25 year old who was fearless of the world. Now I am so scared and it mostly hinges on my age. I am 38 and worried that this is too risky financially, emotionally etc. to do. I want to go into medicine which, and I hope youre not all laughing now, would of course take time, commitment and courage.

Second, I am sooo lonely. My parents consider me an adult and I live in another state. Their stance is - unless you move to us we wont come to you. And they live in a very wealthy area but cant help us out.

I yearn for a relationship but feel tired, on edge, always on the go. You Know You Know.

Does anyone have advice? Please? I do not know any other single mothers, this town is full of families. My friends just do not get it.
Thanks again,
Livvie's Mom

again

and you can't move to where they live, have them help with your daughter, go back to school full time, do what you wish to do ... ?
you live only once !
Have them support you for another 5 years, or more if necessary. If this is what you WISH, then DO IT. You daughter will be proud of you.
It could change EVERYTHING for you. All the new people you will meet (yes, many young ones as well), the things you will learn...
I think, you have an advantage over the others, because you DO have a dream and you CAN make it come true, while others feel stuck and lonely and on edge, but don't know where to go from there.
...your friends don't get it: SHOW them
again, it's your life, and you live only once. It's for your daughter and you !

Dew makes very good points. You only live once and 38 isn't too young to change careers. It may be a bit challenging, but these days, a lot of people are changing careers often. I met an engineer who sells cars waiting for the next contract, many computer experts with a stay at home business waiting for their next consulting job, and I hear there's a big upset in California where many teachers were given a pink slip this year.

Moving to your parents also gives you an advantage of having them look after their grandaughter. What better sitter than a loved family memeber...If I had that opportunity my dating life would be different as well as my stress level. Your daughter is also old enough where she doesn't need to be supervised constantly as a toddler would. Nice age to bond with her grandparents.

I know what you mean about being single and living in a neighborhood full of families... even my peers at work are married. They don't seem to understand certain issues evemthough they try to be helpful.

I've gotta tell you, I agree with your parents. You are an adult. There is no reason they should move closer to you, especially given that your job is in jeopardy and you are lonely. It appears that there is not a lot tying you to where you live. If they would be willing to let you move back in with them while you go back to school I recommend jumping at that opportunity (if you can stand it, I could never "go home again" despite calling my mom every day and visiting once a week.)

Forgive me if this sounds trite, but have you looked at it from the perspective of it being an exciting and amazing adventure? As polarized as folks are about Madonna, just about everyone credits her with being amazing in her ability to "re-invent herself" over and over again. I find it fascinating. She's got a dozen years or so on you, so feel young :-)

I was in sales, then was chef on a yacht, back to Executive sales, then bought a B&B, it is now on the market and I will open a cafe when it takes off I will franchise. Reinventing is exciting and terrifying all at the same time.

What a terrific role model for your daughter. You'd be teaching her that it is never too late to follow a dream. If you believe in yourself, life is full of opportunites. Dont worry if you have to fake self confidence to mask the inner terror, you'll catch up to yourself! Granted when opportunity knocks it often shows up in overalls looking a whole lot like hard work - that's why so many people miss it. Most worthwhile things are hard work.

Hey there,

You asked me to reply, so I am It's nice to be wanted...

I think that I'm going to be giving you different advice from the others. For one thing, I'm interpreting this statement like moving to the wealthy area where your parents live is not an option:

quote:

Originally posted by livvie97:
My parents consider me an adult and I live in another state. Their stance is - unless you move to us we wont come to you. And they live in a very wealthy area but cant help us out.

So I see your question as, "Can I go back to school on my own?" My answer is that I did.

My parents distanced themselves from me when I was 18yo, after I married my 17yo pregnant girlfriend. I was working two jobs at the time, but quickly saw that it was not a good long term plan and went to school instead. I didn't get money, babysitting, or even kind words from my parents for most of that time. Sheesh...there were years my father didn't talk to me. I did have my ex-wife for those years, but for the most part she behaved more like another kid I had to raise than a wife. I do admit that she provided free babysitting, however, and I don't know what I would have done for daycare without her.

I was divorced when I went back to school for my Master's degree. My son was in school by this time so daycare was not as much of an issue. Heh...honestly, I didn't really go back to school to get the degree as much as to take time off from work to focus on my family. Employers don't like gaps in resumes, however, so filling the gap with an MS degree was a way to hide the break in my employment.

The real secret I've found for going back to school, is to learn to be happy with nothing while looking to the future for your inspiration. Get rid of any bill that's not a necessity. Find ways to minimize your clothing and food expenses, and that includes WIC and Goodwill. Forget about any entertainment that costs money, and focus on the free things you can do with your daughter instead. The equation for a budget = income - expenses. When you're in school your income will be fixed and low, so you have to focus on minimizing the expense part of the equation. You'll feel sad when you're living poorly and see others living well, but keep in mind that half the humans born on this planet will *never* have enough to eat while yours is a temporary situation.

That being said, I'm not sure that medicine is the best choice for you. If you're talking about a nursing program, I fully support it as it's very employable and I know many single mothers who have done well in this field. If you're talking about becoming a doctor, I believe that's going to take around 8 years and many thousands of dollars...and then you work hard hours for less money than you'd expect for the first years of your career. That plan would span the remainder of your daughter's childhood, and I don't know if you'd ever be able to work off ~$100k in school debt starting your new career at 46yo. A lot of employers will be hesitant to hire a new graduate of that age too, and while it may not be fair it is the reality you must face. I'm sorry if this sounds unsupportive, but it's my honest take on the situation.

This isn't to say that going back to school to find a more secure field isn't a good idea. I'd just suggest something a little less ambitious. What kind of a school specialist are you now?

Later,
Bobby

Dear SFV Family,

Thank you all for taking the time to write - your words are all encouraging and have given me much to internalize and reflect upon.

I appreciate having a place to go where others understand or have lived similar experiences.

Livvie's Mom

Hey Livvie'w mom!
what ever you do choose to do... decide and do it. I did not have my son till age 41(1st child) and I just happened to have to move to VA and take care of my sick father at the same time. that left me in dire straights! Now I will be attending WIU to become a special ed teacher, and am feeling odd trying to start all over. I used to live in Colorado Springs and work at the Deaf and Blind School there. I do not care for Illinois, but know in 2 years or so, all will be better. I will finally have a 4year degree and be more marketable.
It kinda sucks, but I have my son!!
Hang in there!!!