hoping to meet new friends and prayfully a new male friend would be great! my ex-husband has already "moved on" with a new wife and family. i am old fashion and want to set positive examples for my children. i am independent, but tired of being alone so much.

It is hard being alone. Being old fashion is great! It's good you want to set a good example for your children. You'll find a lot of people here who can understand the loneliness. There are a lot of good people here.

Hi and welcome :welcome: There are a lot of good people here you will find. Stick around a lot of them get quite goofy at times too. You'll have some fun.

:welcome:
Please do stick around and join in the fun!

:welcome:

Do you hear an echo in here

quote:

Originally posted by Don:
[qb] :welcome:

Do you hear an echo in here [/qb]

Amazing, isn't it?!! Thousands upon thousands of lonely people and we just can't seem to cross each other's path. <smile>

I know that when my ex and I split it was really, really hard, and I felt really, really alone. But it got better and my life is good now. Read this article about dating after divorce-
http://mary.com/articles/view.html?aid=60
It has a few good tips-

I so understand how you feel. I'm a single mother of 3. I sometimes feel like I'll never date again or even get married again. I've been busy with school and work.

Oh it is so good to hear there are other out they are experiencing what I am-I quess its' that misery loves company thing. I am really struggling with the loneliness. I almost feel embarrassed to talk about it. For some reason I want everyone to think I'm just so together blah blah blah-The truth of the matter is I HATE the loneliness that comes with being a responsible parent and a good role model to my teenagers I'm trying to find a healthy way to connect- Joining this group is one- It's great-I still find it hard-My kids are out all the time-And to be honest when they are in I wish they go out due to the attitude reeking out of them-They are 15, 17 and 18-lovely ages-I am the command post , nag and dishwasher-that tries to figure out how we are going to get through another month-I don't know-I'm just feeling down-I also just saw my ex's new partner-who looks better each time I see her-tan rested-younger and well dressed,high maintance chickie-I feel like something that just got walked over by life-I always said i wouldn't be a bitter divorcee-there goes another fantasy-anyway better go as I'm sure I'm really giving the support I'm suppose to-Anyways thanks for letting me know my loneliness isn't solitary-it takes a bit of the edge off- I'll continue my pity party in the bath Take Care Raging Mama

Oh, you are definitely not alone there. I get lonely all the time. My children are a lot younger than yours ~ I have two boys 11 and 3 1/2 and two girls 9 and 7 ~ so the teenage years are coming . I want to set a good example for them as their mom and a christian, but it gets hard sometimes. I am not really looking for a relationship, but more of just friendship right now. It would be nice to be able to go out just for dinner/movie and have someone who is a grown up to talk to. I have friends from church, but none of them are single parents ~ it is hard to explain to them how it feels to be raising my 4 children alone ~ how tired and lonely I get. I am glad I found this site. It is nice to hear from other parents who share the same struggles I do.

I can so relate. When I got divorced and turned 40 all about the same time, I could not imagine what it would be like. I am much happier now, but there are times when I get very lonely. Ya know what tho.... I look back on being in a bad relationship and realize that was a lot more isolating than being a single Mom @ 40!

I have dated some, the pool is much smaller and we don't have endless amounts of time to meet people like we did when we were younger ... but I agree - this is a very nice site and it's helpful to read what others are going thru - knowing we are not alone.

hugsssssss

Lonely but not alone. I think you just summed up for me what this gorgeous site is about.

Support, warmth, understanding, advice, encouragement,humour, and the knowledge that you are not alone.

God bless you amazing souls , who have the courage to speak up,relate your harrowing and at times heart breaking challenges endured as a single parent, thereby giving others the courage to open up as well,and know that even though life as a single parent can be achingly lonely,we are not alone.

Forgive me for replying in this thread, but its the replies in this thread which made me take a deep breath , and plunge right in , registering as a new member.

MelaMom , I heartily agree with you!

It *is* nice to "hear from other parents who share the same struggles"!!

Its actually more like slumping -in- my- chair in- utter- relief kind of nice to know that these struggles, and fears. and challenges are common amongst us single parents, as I honestly thought I was going crazy for the past seven months, trying to cope on my own!!!

As a mother of a troubled but creatively talented 16 year old girl, and a very sensitive but bright and witty 10 year old boy, Ive been trying ( and at most times failing) in fighting for their right to a stable home life for the past seven months since my emotionally abusive marriage of 17 years broke down.

Its been one heck of an overwhelming, stressful, frustrating, depressing,frightening and very very lonely rollercoaster ride !

And today I discover that Im not the only one on the rollercoaster ride! (I wave and salute you my fellow rollercoaster buddies!! )

Today, I read a simple phrase in here, and its impact hits me with crystal clarity..

" there are times when I get very lonely. Ya know what tho.... I look back on being in a bad relationship and realize that was a lot more isolating than being a single Mom @ 40!"

I coudlnt have worded it any better Inni! You couldnt have given me a more clearer perspective especially in when those pangs of loneliness bite that much more deeper. ( It would have been 18th wedding anniversary last weekend)

Thankyou for these epihanies, for sharing stories of similar struggles, and for a site that can take the edge off those bouts of loneliness.

Im not going to hold any more pity parties of my own, but rather enjoy being on the rollercoaster ride, with you all!

God Bless You All

<<hugs>>

Quartz,

I love your post and welcome. I'm new around here myself. Hugssss!

"And today I discover that Im not the only one on the rollercoaster ride! (I wave and salute you my fellow rollercoaster buddies!! )

OK .. let me off this one ~please?

This is my first time posting, so I really don't know yet exactly how it's done. Raginmama - It was good to see your post because dealing with the "teenager attitude" is exactly what lead me to this forum this afternoon! I have a son 19 (who gives me very few problems - he's away at college) and a daughter who is 16 who is living with me. Been divorced, a little over a year,
after having been with the same man for nearly 25 years (married over 21 years and dating 3). My Ex. is an addict - alcohol and narcotics.
Anyway, the divorce was nasty and he put my children right in the middle of it. After I asked him to leave, he took my children with him (he took my daugther while I was at school one night. I came home and she was gone). I fought for the next 1 1/2 years to get my daughter (who is still a minor) back. My Ex did his best to make it look like I was responsible for breaking up the family. It worked for a while. The courts were no help. Even though my Ex had a history of drug and alcohol abuse... the courts let my children stay with my Ex. I guess when they get to be a certain age, they can pick who they want to be with.... makes no difference if the parent is abusing drugs and alcohol! Anyway, I have them back now. He was transferred to Georgia. Overall things are pretty good. But.... I struggle a lot with attitudes. My Ex rarely sees his kids now, pays NO child support, etc. Once in awhile, he will come around, buy them expensive gifts and go back to GA. I can't compete with the presents! Last week he bought my son a car - he already had a car, mind you!
Now, his old car sits in my driveway (and my daughter wants to drive it). My daughter constantly talks about all the things she needs and wants, and I do the best I can (with the important things). I have an illness and can't work right now, and boy does that complicate things! I've been sick since 1997. Our marriage fell apart after I became sick. My Ex. had managed to stay sober for about 14 years; we had a good marriage for the years that he was sober... until I got sick. It all fell apart when I got ill. We stopped communicating, drifted apart and then I discovered he was stealing my medication! It was making me sooooo sick. How can someone do that? He did it for nearly 2 years! It got so out of hand that he was keeping me sick all the time... I needed my medication for the pain caused by my illness (they say the pain is similar to the final stages of cancer), but he was taking it for his own pleasure. It's been really hard getting over this, but I'm moving on (one day at a time). My life is so much better now! I can do things and get around, now that I am able to take the medicine the way it was intended. The kids didn't want to believe that he was stealing my medications, and for a long time, I think he had them convinced that it wasn't as bad as it seemed, but they have learned the truth on their own... it wasn't until they had to live with him that they discovered some of the truth. Things went downhill for my Ex. and recently he spent 2 months in a rehab hospital. The kids tried to keep it from me. They didn't want me to know he was in rehab. Guess that would have to mean admitting the truth! They know a lot more now, but even still, it seems like my Ex. can do no wrong, and I can do no right! It really gripes me! Today, I overheard my daughter complaining about me to my Ex. He had called her in the middle of the day and I was walking down the hall and I heard her saying all kinds of stuff! Where did that come from? What possessed her to say these things to him? I couldn't believe it! I've been wondering what the heck was bugging her, but I couldn't figure it out. I could tell he was egging her on and pumping her for infomration - and she was just complaining and complaining... imagine her surprise when I stuck my head in the door and said, "if you have compaints about me, you should be discussing them with me, not your father." She hung up and I haven't seen her since. She went out with her friend (thank God!) and is back now, and I am sitting in my room not even wanting to talk to her yet. Why is it that I can't get through to her, yet she can tell her father what is on her mind? I hate it! She was complaining that I say I don't have enough money to do this and that (BTW, I get NO child support from the dead beat -it's court ordered that he pay child support - he owes me, $7,000 now! There is a warrant out for his arrest for not paying, but since he is in a different state - he walks! He tells my daughter that I have no right to get child support since he is paying alimony.. the alimony doesn't help with the children... it mostly pays for my health insurance that I have to pay out of pocket now - it's expensive!).
Anyway, she has no idea how hard it is to survive off of what little I get from disability and the alimony that her dad pays... I meet ALL of her needs, but not on her schedule! Sometimes she has to wait a week or two if she needs something "extra." You know how that is????? I'm the one who cares for her every day, I feed her, cloth her, take her to the doctor, drive her all around, pick her friends up, feed them, etc., etc. When I heard what she was saying, I was like... "what nerve!!!" She is angry because she wants to get her license - NOW. I won't let her drive alone until she completes driver's ed. (I think that is fair!). She had a chance to take it free through the school system, but she didn't sign up. It's $300! Even after she does that, there is still the issue about the car she will be driving. Anyway, I told her if she wants to drive, she needed to get a job and save up for the insurance, driver's ed, etc. She is angry about that! She thinks I should pay half of everything. Her Dad won't pay for much of anything. When he does help, it's not even close to half! He makes great money.... Okay, sorry! If he didn't make good money, I wouldn't be so upset about the paying half thing. Can you tell I have no one to talk to about this? No one can relate... I have some other single friends, but their situations are different. I don't know what to say to my daughter. When we argue, it is always about money, her father, or her boy friend. I rarely hear from her anything that I do right. I'm very frustrated.... I want to talk to her, but she won't. She ALWAYS tells me that nothing is wrong... or, that I wouldn't understand. She oftens says that her Dad really understands her and I don't! I'm tired of her being ungrateful for all that I do for her. Sometimes, like today, I want to tell her, "if you think things are always going to be all rosey and perfect, maybe she should go back to living with him and she how she likes it!" .... but, I don't really want that. She knows how it was before. I can't believe she doesn't remember how it was when she was living with him! He never even took her to the doctor when she needed to go! Instead, he either gave her left over antibiotics (that were perscribed for HIM - great influence that is! Or once, he had to take her to the ER for waiting too long. That's what she was complaining about today! She wants to have her tonsils out and I don't think she needs to do that.)

Besides that, everything is wonderful! I'm happier and healthier than I have been in MANY years! I still have limitations, but I am improving. I would never go back to being in such an unhealthy, abusive relationship... I don't care how broke I end up being! I'd rather be poor and as healthy as possible than financially comfortable and unhealthy! As far as loneliness goes, yes, I'm lonely, but no where near as lonely as I was when I was married to him. It's hard being lonely when you are still married and living together! I'm no where near ready for a relationship with another man. I have to heal first... then, maybe... but I'm not looking for anyone. I'm enjoying the time I have right now. I'm healing and using this time to get to know myself better. Okay, I've said enough. It's been a bad day. Sometimes, I don't know how to handle the "darts" that my daughter throws! I know that someday it won't be this way with her, but it doesn't make it hurt any less now. All I want is a good relationship with my kids. I'd do anything for them. It goes in spells. It will go really, really good for awhile and then she will see or talk to my Ex and then I have to start all over again. I have no idea what he says to her! I can only imagine.
This too shall pass.....

I just keep saying.... "what doesn't kill me will make me stronger!" I'm strong enough, thank you!! Enough already!

Thanks for listening!

ET

quote:

Originally posted by ragingmama:
[qb] Oh it is so good to hear there are other out they are experiencing what I am-I quess its' that misery loves company thing. I am really struggling with the loneliness. I almost feel embarrassed to talk about it. For some reason I want everyone to think I'm just so together blah blah blah-The truth of the matter is I HATE the loneliness that comes with being a responsible parent and a good role model to my teenagers I'm trying to find a healthy way to connect- Joining this group is one- It's great-I still find it hard-My kids are out all the time-And to be honest when they are in I wish they go out due to the attitude reeking out of them-They are 15, 17 and 18-lovely ages-I am the command post , nag and dishwasher-that tries to figure out how we are going to get through another month-I don't know-I'm just feeling down-I also just saw my ex's new partner-who looks better each time I see her-tan rested-younger and well dressed,high maintance chickie-I feel like something that just got walked over by life-I always said i wouldn't be a bitter divorcee-there goes another fantasy-anyway better go as I'm sure I'm really giving the support I'm suppose to-Anyways thanks for letting me know my loneliness isn't solitary-it takes a bit of the edge off- I'll continue my pity party in the bath Take Care Raging Mama [/qb]

Momstheword .. Welcome to SFV. Your situation is very complicated and I feel for you. I think we have to take things one day at a time, one situation at a time.. and work on it.

This is a wonderful place to find support.