Hi, I'm going to be 42 in December and have been considering donor insemination for a few years now and I've done all the testing and am good to go. Every time I've tried to get the process going, something would come up and get in the way like a car accident. When I started the process I was 39. In any case, has anyone here (I'm new) gone through this process and if so, how many tries until you got pregnant? It costing me over $4,000 for three months, but I'll get a portion back if, say I get pregnant the first try or first month. Also, what will you tell your child as to how she was conceived?

I can't say I can help much except to say that my son was not conceived under the best circumstances and the father has never been in the picture nor knows he exists. Being eight the subject has come up a lot, he hates not having a dad. Not to say that your child would feel that way. For my son it is a security thing. If something ever happened to me what would happen to him type of thing.

I found the best way for me to deal with it was to be as honest as I can and everytime the question arises he is a bit older and gets a bit more info. I wish I could have said it was insemination I think that would be even easier.

You'll have to gage your talks with his/her age but I would just say the truth. You wanted to have a baby so bad that you went to a doctor and they made it happen. Then you can skip right into what it was like to be pregnant. Keep is truthful but very simple. Most kids ask the question but aren't really looking for an indepth answer. They just want to know why they are there and that you love them. The birth story is my son's favorite, he loves to hear about the pregnancy and what he was like as a baby.

My son tells people he's special that he doesn't have a dad because God sent him early because I wanted to be a mommy so bad and I needed him more than I did a husband. Now we can work together to find just the right dad. I just wished he'd stop hitting on all the guys for me.

I wish you all the luck in this. It isn't an easy decision to make but if you truly want a baby this badly and you show him/her all the love you can everything else will work itself out in the end. Besides you'll have us here to help you along the way.

welcome aboard

Scoutmom is right. Just tell your son excatly that.

I told my son that he had a special family b/c his family consited of four very important females that love him. His grandma, his mom, our cat and his dog. and then of course he had my bro, stepfather and dad that love him too. How many kids are that lucky. He diecded not many. L. He also came up on his own that the dad that made him was not the right one so we were given a second chance to find the right dad for both of us. LOL.

Kids will come up w/explantions on their own that work just as good as the adult ones.

good luck to you and I would go ahead and try to have this baby.

SPIRIT

Thank you both very much for your input. Pretty much everyone says the same things about what to tell the child. Being honest is common sense but sometimes I think that maybe the child will think he was created by science in a way. But then again that's ME thinking it and not even given the child (who's not even here yet) a chance to ask any questions. This is me! Worrying about if I should do it, when I do it who will help me? My parents are in their 70s and I can't rely on them. I'm not talking financially, I'm talking just a little relief when I'm tired. Just basic worries like this. I've been spoiled. Single and doing what I want when I want and now I know a child will change things and it is scary. I need to stop worrying about the future so much and dive into right now. I've done a lot of research on this over the years and still haven't met the man right for me and my eggs are aging as we speak. I just have to get going with ordering the donor sperm and hope for the best. Thanks guys.

Leora:

Reading what you wrote has the wheels spinning in my head. I'm the same age as you, divorced with a 6 yr old boy. I've grieved that I didn't have another child - I've always had insemination in the back of my mind but haven't had the guts to check into it.

I am completely fascinated by what you write and your process. I know that once you've proceeded you will be very busy and probably not check in here much but I would like to offer my support for what you're doing and if you need someone to chat with, don't hesitate to write.

As far as the tired issue, I will tell you single parenting is NOT easy. My parents are also in their 70's and my son is very close to them but I hate asking them to watch him just so I can rest or accomplish something. Just know that the tough stuff will pass. Emotionally and physically it will be draining and there may be days that you question yourself but in the end it is an AMAZING thing to be a mom and love that little person. It will feel like nothing you've ever felt in life -- as if your heart is walking around outside your body.

I wish you the greatest luck and applaud your courage to not let life stop you from experiencing the joy of a child. Feel free to write anytime

Lisa

I was 41 when I finally got pregnant by insemination. I tell my daughter, who is now 6, that she is my miracle child. I have also told her that she has a biological dad...and when she is 18 she can choose to try to find him.

I don't give her any more info than she asks for...and so far she doesn't ask.

She truly is my miracle...and am blessed. Go with what feels right to you...that is the best you can do...

Good Luck
dreamcatcher

Leora,

I agree with honesty, based on age. You do have to keep in mind what, and how much your child can truly understand. Even in a regular situation, I find the questions start out very simple and get more detailed and delicate as the kids begin to grow up and understand more.

I had two c-sections, so part of the explanation was easy for me. "they cut mommie's tummy and took you out" ... a lot easier to explain than traditional childbirth.

Pretty normal to worry about something that important, Leora ... and I think it shows that you care, and want to do the right thing. Good Mom traits.

Hey Leora, I hope you haven't left the site. It's been awhile since your post. I'm 41 and am also going to use a donor. It seems that my Mr Right is nowhere in sight, so I'm taking motherhood into my own hands. I started the process about 5 months ago. I'm waiting to do the blood work, but my Dr. has informed me that I have dissfuctional bleeding. Since going off the pill, my cycles have been 23 days, 48 days, then 16 days. Once I start again they will put me on Clomed (sp?) for 5 days then do the blood work. Once that is completed, the next month I should be able to try, :lovehearts: hopefully in March. I would love to correspond with someone who is going through the same process as me. My mom is very supportive, one sister is supportive, another sister and my brother are totaly against it. My friends are very supportive. Hope you or anyone else is out there and wants to chat.

Leora, I had my daughter when I was 42. She's 4 yrs old now and I'm going on 47. I did it the "tradional" way - yah, one time without a condom. Oh well, I'm still laughing at myself but loving every minute of being a mom.

I just wanted to address the issues of being an older mom to a young child. Yes your parents are older and will not be able to help out as much if at all. If you are financially stable you can find ways around this - mother's little helpers (a sixth grader who loves kids), part time day care to give you some breathing room and if you have them, friends who are understanding and willing to help you out. Also, when your child is an infant expect to do most if not all of the work yourself. In the end it is worth it.

Nobody said we can't have children in our 40's did they? I'm still 16 in my brain and turn into a 4 year old when I play with my daughter. Your stamina will come and go but from talking to other moms in their 20's and 30's they have all said the same thing.

I wish you luck in you endevors to conceive. Get back to us and let us know what's your outcome.

Hi
Like you my at 41 prince charming never came so I started the insemation thing last year in Sept after a couple of very expensive tests(thank God that my insurance at the time, paid for most of it) it was discovered that there was "nothing" wrong with my ovaries uterus and etc. But after two failed attempts I have decided to go with adoption. I still try the old fashioned way but I have come to terms with adoption. As a matter of fact am in the process and that is why I am here looking for new friends.

All i can say is goodluck and please be careful but spending a whole lot of money. I know people who have spend over 20,000 in treatments and still no baby.

Baby dust to you!!

Well Sugarplum, Welcome to SFV and I'd be honored to be your friend. I come at this from the polar opposite of you, but that's sort of the beauty of it I think. <grin>

I was adopted at 11 days old.
I was a birthmother almost 20 years ago.
I desperately wanted to adopt to 'complete the triangle' but was too old!! So I had a natural baby almost 5 months ago.

It is ironic to me that most folks want to have a baby and 'settle' for adoption while I wanted to adopt and 'settled' for having one.

But in the end it is the baby, not the logisitics - so let me wish you ridiculous amounts of luck and offer whatever support I can.

I spent a decade counseling and giving lectures to both potential birthmothers and potential adoptive parents. I was on the board of an agency for a while and am still personal friends with the owner. If you go to the adoption thread, I posted my favorite poem there.

Baby dust to you as well!!

Laurie... your story is so beautiful! I love it! I spent over 10 years working with teen pregnancy and crisis pregnancy centers and I have a place in my heart for birth mothers and adoptees.

As far as the insemination - I am only 29, but I'm considering going through IVF in the future. I have three beautiful children with one sorry rat ******* (sorry!! haha) and I think I want to have a child with the love of my life. I don't know if it will happen for me since I had my tubes tied after the last pregnancy, but hearing you ladies talk gives me hope.

Even though I have children, something within me wants to "do it all right" I guess. Plus, since it looks like my ex is going to have my kiddos most of the time... ::sigh::
I am so thankful that I at least get to be a part-time mom, though.

quote:

Even though I have children, something within me wants to "do it all right"

Oh and how I wish that for you.

There is a price for everything. I love being a mom more than anything in the world. Every single day is the best day of my life - I never knew I could love this much, be this happy.

But, as much as I love this beautiful little girl, I will hurt her when she misses having a daddy. I look over my shoulder in fear of her other biological component wanting contact with her.

I went in to this thinking I wont be single forever. But now I have no desire to date and fear that I will deprive this sweet little girl of a well-rounded life.

There is guilt in being a single mom on purpose.

Mornin' just checkin before going to work... I am so glad I did coz am so encouraged by your story. so you had a baby huh? is she the one in the picture? what a cutie...

I am happy that you want to be friends coz I sure could use one right now. The adoption process is going well but there times it feels a little scary. For instance yesterday I had to complete the questionanire(sp) on what kind of child I am willing to adopt and the day before that when I called the agency the lady on the phone referred to me as one of the 'families'. Its all becoming so real. Yesterday I almost bought my first baby item... I spend like ten minutes looking at it but decided to wait....plus i seem to tear up at the drop of a hat. what's up with that?

Anywho.... I am so happy about your news and like i said its a lovely way to start my day

quote:

Originally posted by sugarplum:
Mornin' just checkin before going to work... I am so glad I did coz am so encouraged by your story. so you had a baby huh? is she the one in the picture? what a cutie...

I am happy that you want to be friends coz I sure could use one right now. The adoption process is going well but there times it feels a little scary. For instance yesterday I had to complete the questionanire(sp) on what kind of child I am willing to adopt and the day before that when I called the agency the lady on the phone referred to me as one of the 'families'. Its all becoming so real. Yesterday I almost bought my first baby item... I spend like ten minutes looking at it but decided to wait....plus i seem to tear up at the drop of a hat. what's up with that?

Anywho.... I am so happy about your news and like i said its a lovely way to start my day

aw sugar just go for it. Buy the 'baby item' it is fun to have something tangible to look at while you wait.

I collected things that said "Faith" for 15 years, because I just knew... someday... and it is really cool to have all these random things from trips, from friends, each with a story of love for her when she grows up.

Imagine telling your grown-up child "this teddy bear is what I held in my arms when I prayed God would send you to me....."

ooh, and every year on his/her birthday take a photo with the bear (or whatever else you buy) how sentimental when grandma sugarplum gives that bear to her grandchild!!!

Ok, I'll stop. For now....