Hi All,
I am new to posting and I have been looking for a site that I could either get advice or feel like I am not alone in the game of life called "solo parenting when over 40"!

I just wanted to say hi and make sure I had figure out what I was doing!

Well I am over 50 with a 5yo so join right in.

And I'll be 41 this month with 3 kids...does that qualify.

Welcome to the site Rain Drops! You will find that there are several wonderful people here in your same shoes

rain drops in as she will.....welcome ray

Welcome to the site

welcome to the site, I am 49 and have a 18 year old and a 15 year old. I figure that if I am not in a rest home, or a insane assylm by the time I have the last one raise I will be ahead of the game.

Hiya! i haven't reached the 40 and mommy, but a lot of respect to you just the same. It is a great group of people here

Hi RainDrops!

Welcome to SFV!

I'm in my twenties but have found great comfort here as I'm assuming you will too. There are wonderful people on here and a plenty of room for more. Jump right in where ever you want!

Gabriel's Mom

Hi Raindrops,

I'm a solo parent over 40 as well.

Solo parenting
is a hard to do

Your not alone
come and join us too.

Gabriel's Mom

Your son has adorable dark curls!

Ok, this looks like the noob place to start. I just registered on this board and am navigating at a snail's pace. Do snails test waters? I wonder.....

As the solo parent of a nearly 12 year old daughter, I find that the challenges of single parenting are pretty daunting some days.

By way of biography: My daughter is my only biological child, her father died very suddenly last September, which makes me not just single, but solo. And it's a whole different ballgame, let me state for the record.

In the time that her father and I were divorced, he remarried a woman (3 days after the divorce was final) who spent some 8 years demeaning me in very subtle (and some not so subtle) ways. My child has a close relationship with this woman.

For my child's entire life, I've been the homework-clean-your-room-bedtime-doctor-discipline-appointment-Mom. The ex-stepmother was Disney Mommy on every single school holiday and vacation (my fault for allowing my child to maintain a strong relationship with her father, yes, I know).

So, now my child questions every decision I make (Remember saying "I'll never say 'Because I'm the Mom'?") and informs me that when she's 16 she'll go to live with the "other mother."

Trying not to let eight or more years of hurts and interference by this woman make me insane.

The real question, if anyone has not yet divined it from this rambling: How the bloody **** do you un-do manipulation from outside sources on your children?

Sircumspect1 (Xanax in the water supply was already suggested. I'm just not all that willing to share my supply!)

Hello and welcome to the site. Have fun navigating; there's a lot to read.

One thing that may comfort you is that in the long term, your daughter will learn to appreciate you. Kids grow up and learn to appreciate the things that the "tough" parent did for them, especially after they have kids of their own. As for the immediate, don't let her statements affect you too much. Kids say lots of things they don't fully understand or mean as they're growing up. Really, when she's 16yo she'll probably have changed her mind about all this several times!

I like your quote about the priorities and options BTW.

Later,
Bobby

Bobby,

Thank you for the kind words.

You're right, kids say things they don't fully grok until much later. Recently I called my mother (some 900 miles away) and said "I'm sorry."

"What for?" she asked.

"Twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen" had her laughing uncontrollably.

Her three best friends emailed me shortly thereafter to echo the laughter.

The ironic part? I teach middle and high school and darned if I haven't been "dealing" with this stuff for years. It's just very different when it's your own.

Best,

Sircumspect (Liora)

Heh...no problem, kind words are free...although they're really just true words (and it sounds like you already knew everything that I told you).

Just wondering...if your daughter *did* still want to live with Disney Mom at 16yo...would it even be an option? Most Disney Moms that I know don't *want* to have the kids with them full time. It's awfully hard to keep Disney up 24x7...