Hi I'm new here! I am 46 and I live in Oregon. I have four kids ages 11-16. One of my children has multiple special needs, one has depression and anxiety problems. I am tired! I'd love to talk to others. How are you all out there???

Welcome aboard Skaia!!! We are glad to have you and are here to listen or just hang out with!

Welcome aboard.
I believe you'll find plenty of people to relate to and talk with here
My daughter had/has depression and anxiety problems also. We have gone through counseling for nearly three years now, including some time on medications. She's doing much better these days, off the meds, and just a monthly check in with one of the counselors......shhhh, I'm secretly holding a small amount of breath that she continues doing this well without any more big setbacks.
But yeah, welcome to the forum and jump in anywhere.

thanks Don and Mashell! So nice to hear from people so soon! Don - I have been feeling so wierd today because my daughter (14) started medication today (Prozac) for the depression and anxiety she has been having since february. It is so confusing and scary for me. I think mostly because I can't pinpoint exactly why things went 'off the charts' for her NOW. Her dad, my ex, is alcoholic and has many problems, but this has been the case for ages. We are divorced, but that happened four years ago...I am having trouble understanding what tipped the balance for her, and she seems just as mystified. She has a good counselor. She wanted to try medication because she is starting to really struggle with anxiety, sleeplessness and hopelessness. She is my beautiful wonderful girl and it breaks my heart she is going through this. Please, anything you could share would be wonderful. It is a very lonely place to be as a single mom. It is so hard not to feel so guilty, although she keeps telling me it doesn't have anything to do with me. we have a good relationship, but it's like I can't quite reach her. As if she is out of my reach. She cut her arm a few times, that is very scary to me, and sad. I didn't really see this coming, she has been a happy kid before this year. I think her starting the medication is causing me alot of stress, because it feels so official and permanent. I have had heart pains today and palpitations. i feel like I'm in a dream too. (stress!!!) thank you for listening. :-)

p.s. how do you guys add those nice pictures to your messages?

So very similar....
My daughter also had problems with an alcoholic/drug abuser mother. I took custody of her middle of second grade. She thrived coming here until in 6th grade she began cutting and this went on for a couple years....she hasn't cut in a year now come June. Most of it was pretty superficial, however the last time in June was the worst. We had also just taken her off Prozac then but it just wasn't the right timing. Altogether she was on Prozac for about 9 months and then about 9 months again this second time, she's doing very well off of it them this time.
I also had a very hard time with the decision to put her on the meds to begin with, but I also knew that just counseling alone was not working and I came to the conclusion that I would at least give it a try for a while. The meds helped for sure and I'd make that decision again in our case, even if I do harbor some thoughts in the back of my mind that some doctors are just too quick to medicate instead of trying other things first.
Know this, the psych who prescribed these meds should have also discussed that it's not a permanent thing. The plan typically should be anywhere from 6 mos to a year and then try to ween them back off. It's a hard decision and I can relate to what you are saying about it feeling "official" but do yourself a favor and don't think along the lines of permanent
Also, sometimes it's hormonal changes that finally set them into depression even though the life circumstances haven't really changed. My daughter was an "early bloomer" and I'm quite sure that this is what triggered her into cutting/depression to the level it got to.

quote:

Originally posted by Skaia1:
p.s. how do you guys add those nice pictures to your messages?

You have to host your pictures on someplace like photobucket, and use the [img] code from there to place into the signature box in your profile.

Reminds me....I still need to get around to another in depth write up/how to. We lost the other one when we switched software/servers.

Do we get to know what part of Oregon?

It's nice to have you on the forum.

Don, I can't tell you how supportive it is to hear from someone right away who knows just what i'm going through and feeling on my first day here! I was interested that your daughter's mother also is/was a substance abuser. i know rationally that both parents effect their child, but I wish that wasn't so and that I could protect my children from the emotional pain their dad inflicts so obliviously. He is just so blind to it. My daughter is expressing so much pain, anger and anguish over her dad. I think part of her cutting comes from hoping to get some kind of 'normal' reaction from him, some real 'sign' that he loves her and cares, but in fact this all is driving him even further away. He is marginally involved with them anyway, and is completely unable to offer her any support or empathy, he can't deal with anything.. as an addict, he can't put her first, he can't be there for her, or even summon up anything that looks like real caring or love. I think she is realizing these things as she is maturing. I know she will have to one day accept him as he is and i'm so sorry that she doesn't have the father she deserves or wants to have so much.
Yes, I was told that the medication would not have to be 'forever', but i'm still scared about it I guess. It felt like a really big decision to make and I am hoping it is the right decision, we didn't enter into it lightly, but my daughter herself wanted to try it, i think she has been feeling very stuck in everything. So i hope in retrospect it will seem to have been right. I am really glad to hear that things can improve and that your daughter has found more peace. i am so grateful to be in touch with you.

hi Granpa Dale!
We are in Scappoose! (i'm always trying to get them to agree to move to portland but i don't think that's going to happen while my girls are in high school:-)
thank you,
your family pictures are so nice

Your story sounds alot like mine but thank god she has not started cutting (other then scrapping a heart tatoo into her hand). My 14 year old Macie has been depressed and EXTREMELY moody since we have moved here almost a year ago. I am hoping that it will pass as she is finaly starting to come out of her shell and meet some friends. Her father is a drug addict and does not show any interest in her except for the VERY occasional phone call...yet she idolizes him as if he could do no wong. Some day she will understand.

hi Mashell,
My daughter has decided she doesn't want to see her father anymore, but i'm not sure if she'll stick with that or not. She is 14 too. It seems there must be a conection with addict parents and depressed kids. Which sounds like a no-brainer i guess, but I still didn't see it coming. My other daughter (her twin sister) isn't going through this. My 11 year old son does idolize his dad a little, I feel he can't bear to think anything negative about him and makes so many excuses for his bad behaviours. I worry about him becoming an 'enabler' personality, but maybe he will be wiser than that (i hope). It's so tricky, isn't it? And I hate how much his addiction spills over onto everyone else. i have been thinking of going to al-anon meetings even though we've been divorced four years, perhaps it will help me learn even more about healthy ways to interact with him and help me model some of that for the kids. your girls are so pretty!

I just wanted to say welcome, also!

quote:

i have been thinking of going to al-anon meetings

Check into al-ateen as well. They usually hold them right next door type thing to the al-anon meetings at the same time. My daughter also attended a couple years of that also. Seemed to help a good amount.

yea, I think those 12-step programmes must be good, even if only for them to feel less alone in their situation..........

I never did any 12-step programe but did do a therapy group for spousal abuse survivors. It was great, the group, and the content.
I came out of it so much stronger and it gave me my self confidence back.

All the best to all of you.