OK I just got off the phone with my 15 year old son.
I had called to ask him and his brothers what they want for lunch Sat. when we have our visit together and out of the blue he tells me that he thinks that I'm being greedy.
He doesn't tell me what I'm being greedy about, just that I'm greedy.

Now I didn't call him to fight and I'm not going to be bated into a fight with him. So I tell him that I didn't call for that and that I had worked out a time for Sat. to have our visit, and so on.

The only thing that I can think that would bring this on is that his mother is bad mouthing me again to them.
And after being in court Jan. 18 and the judge granting me joint custody of my sons and unsupervised overnight visitation (by April 25), which "She" did not want to do.

So What am I to do about this?

I'm not mad at my son. it's his mother that is making him feel this way about me. every time we have been together we have had a good time.
I'm trying to rebuild my relationship with my boys and everytime I get a brick down I'm finding two or three more put up.

I'm in need of some help.

Dawg

So I know that this is not everyone but when I was 12-14 I didn't want to visit my dad anymore, it wasn't that I didn't love him I just had things to do with my friends (you know that there the hole world at that age) Maybe it's just your son being 15, I don't know him or what he's like I can just tell you from what I know that if it is the ex telling him things you will probably never know. My mom use to say things about my dad to us (nothing real bad) but nothing I would tell my dad she said. I know my kids are young and I have a long way to go till there even close to 15 so take what I say with a grain of salt cause it's just me thinking out loud...

I hope everything works out for you and your son!!

Mom may be testing his loyalties too so he may feel obliged to say something on the phone and act like he doesn't want to come. You can look in his eyes though and see the truth. He probably needs you to look like a bad guy so he can spend time with you because you're making him.

Try not to be defensive or find a need to justify anything with him or you'll put him in the middle of your issue with your ex.

He's at that age where boys are far less fond of their Dads and much more of their mothers b/c they are beginning to stretch their legs as adults.

Perhaps he feels as if he's protecting his mother by lashing out at you...that's also another instinct.

The best you can do....is just to do the best you can do to be there for them. There is no formula to make it right...if there was I'd bottle it.

Basically impossible to say for sure what he meant by that, or better yet WHY he said it. I think you handled that exactly right for the time being in that it won't do you any good to get into that sort of thing over the phone especially at the "delicate" point you are in with your kids.
Just go on with the plans for Saturday. And for the time being I wouldn't bring it back up then just yet either, you already know that "she" has been working against you and part of why you are even going through the reunification process. Just be yourself and let them see that, the less you directly tell them that "she" misinformed them (lied) the better, they'll learn the truth in time without being in the middle of he said/she said. If it is brought back up by him maybe just ask him what greed he's talking about and let him know that you will be hoping that he changes his opinion after more time.

Thanks Don
Yes it is very hard not to reply and drag him into this mess.
We are still on for Sat. and I well get a better feel as to what is going on.

Ms Sky
I know what your saying. and I do think he is trying to defend his mom base on what "She" has been telling them. Only time will tell, so I am working on not losing my cool in front of them. That wont help anything and it's not his fault for whats going on right now.
If you do find a way to bottle it, put me down for a case.

Ms Tess
It may very well have been a test and "She" was near by listening in too.
Oh well, damn it's hard to be the big man.

Ms Sherri
I have posted else where here about what I have been going though. it may be like what you say, but I don't think so.


Dawg

I agree with Don. Just try to make your time with him as pleasant as possible. Let "her" be the negative one. If he brings up the subject again, maybe it's just his way of telling you there's something he's worried about or something he needs to talk about. If he does, try to really listen to what he has to say, and ask him what he thinks you should be doing differently. That will be a way to find out if he's really just regurgitating the negative BS she's telling him.

I think that it is a fallacy to believe that we can have a good relationship with our children with unresolved issues with our former spouse. Why does she not want you to see your son. Is it really possible to move on and create an healthy environment for the children with so much hurt and pain within the parents? Maybe you should try and address those unresolved issues with you his mother so that your son can truly bond with you and develop that relationship you want.

You handled it just right Dawg, I don't play them types of games either, I think it bugs my child that I can't be manipulated by guilt. I simply won't play.

Well I had a nice visit with my boys today.
I didn't say anything about what was said on the phone, and it was like nothing had happen. so who knows.

I did find out that my daughter has told her brothers not to tell me anything about her or whats going on with her.
That hurts (She is 19 now)

I am also learning more about how evil "She" really is, and what has been going on.
I guess good guys really do finish last.

Dawg

Dawg
I am glad you had a good visit with your boys and sorry to hear that your daughter does not want you to visit her or hear about what is happening in her life.

Well things are going a little bit better.
I'm getting the house fix so I can have UNsupervised visits.
The court walk though is April 5

and as for talking to "She".
"She" hasn't said two words to me since she left and took the children out of State.
So that is not going to happen.

Just a of support! My ex keeps the pot stirred with my sons. And they are instructed not to tell me ANYTHING about his life or wife. It is exasperating but I am learning to live with it.

Well update time.

Was in court today and starting on April 18 I get UNsupervied visitation every other weekend.
yeapee

I will need to go back on April 28, so the end is near.

Dawg

Dawg...this is good news....I'm glad to hear it...
And I won't go digging around past threads where you were told you'd get here so I can say I told you so....


Course now you'll have to start dating so you'll have something to rag about...LMAO..