Good morning I am new to all this so I dont know where to start. I am a new single parent of a wonderful little 6 yrs old girl. Her mother walked out on us a couple of weeks ago. I was hoping she just needed sometime to get her head cleared out or something like that. I have had a lot of signs over the past year or so. We were both married before. I was the one who broke her marrage up. We have been cival as we could be through all this, but I told her when she left that he she slept with someone else that I didnt think I could let her come back home. We talked yesterday morning and I told her I would do anything for her to come home. I knew she had been out with someone but thats all. SO I kinda got my hopes up a little that she might come back. I sent her a dozen pink roses to work, She called me a little while later and advised me not to get my hopes up that she had slept with someone. If that wasnt bad enough the roses hadnt gotten to het yet. I am sick to my stomach all the thaught in my head are her being with someone else and I cant get them out. I know I have to think of my daughter but I lossign it. I need help is there anyone out there that can help me please. I am 43 disabled and she walked out on us. I dont want to do anything stoupid.

Don't do anything stupid and keep thinking of your daughter first. The only 2 things YOU CAN control is your actions and your daughter's well being.

Welcome to the site, I hope that someone here has experienced this type of thing and can help you more. You are very vague in what the problems are and the situation, so it might be hard to advise you in what direction to go.

Sorry for being vague. The problem I guess are I didnt want her to leave, I get these pictures in my mind of her and this other guy. I cant sleep and I have no one to really talk to. Its hard when I am told not to show any emotions around my daughter. I dont understand how I can just act like nothing has happened. I love my daughter with all my heart and dont want to hurt her (emotionaly) in any way. I have been through a devorce before but no kids involved. So it was pretty simple. Its a really long story and I dont know if anyone really wants to hear it all. But the end results are she walked out the door and left my daughter :lovehearts: and me for someone else, cant beat that one I guess. She made me sign some papers she wrote up about joint custody and I cant leave the state. She also put in there that she didnt abandon us (lmfbo) at that one because what else do you call it. If I am at the wrong place for my problem do you know of any chats or something where I can just talk to people like myself. I dont want to go to yahoo, msn, ect. all they talk about is trash and I am not about that. shewwwww ok Thanks in advance for your help and time.

Hey MrMom,

I am sorry to hear your in a situation like you are. The best thing you can do is turn your thoughts form off of yourself, off your wife, and focus them on your daughter. she is the real victim in this situation and needs your undivided support. Don will most likely reply to this post and he and JD would hopefully have some more insight into single fatherhood. Buckle down, accept where you are. Yes, it will be lonely. I was there for a while too. But if your redirect your thoughts and attitudes things DO get better. Let her go. Don't try to woo her. It sounds to me like she has made a determination (the paperwork stuff kind of confirms that). I found my strength in God. Read the Purpose Driven Life. Even if you are not a Christian it can help you with coming out of your loneliness and help you to redirect yourself.

Good luck and God bless.

MrMom,

I don't agree with acting completely like nothing has happened with your daughter. She is old enough to discuss her feelings with you and that will help you heal as well as her. Do not get into heavy details about your relationship with her mother, but discuss her feelings and let her know that the two of you need to be open and honest about feeling hurt by the situation. Counseling sounds like a good idea for both of you. You can't fall apart for the sake of your daughter, but you WILL fall apart if you don't find someone trained to help.

mrmom, welcome to the site. You have come to the right place to help you sort this out. This place is full of great people that can help you out, or even just lend a supportive ear.

I would first suggest to be hesitant about signing anymore papers. Give this a bit of time before signing/agreeing to anything that might end up being legally binding. It's fine that she doesn't want you to leave the state with your daughter, that's normal. Just do be careful with anything else she is asking you to agree to such as the abandonment, just too early for that sort of thing is my opinion.

I'll tell you, for the time being do try to come to terms with some of the emotions concerning her. Yeah, easy said right? But your daughter needs you and you need you, put as much as your energy as you can into continuing on with the regular things of life. Work, caring for her, the house, you know "that stuff". I don't mean to just stuff those feelings either, but be careful around your daughter with them. At 6 yrs old, your daughter will be realizing a lot of what's going on, you can't fully shield her from it. You can try to keep most of your energy focused on the positive things in your life so she feels that more than anything else. Be open to feeling what your daughter is feeling. If she wants to ask some questions talk a bit about it but keep it as simple as possible, definitely not too many details.

With this being only a couple weeks now this has taken place, it's all still quite fresh. Time will help, and try not to dwell too much at the moment on what she is doing, that really is out of your control. You can really only control how you deal with it there with your daughter. If you feel like it's a bit too much, talk to a counselor if you can. Keep in touch here as well. You really have found a great group of people who will be quite understanding to what you are going through. Quite the therapeutic place actually.

I'll leave it at those thoughts for the moment. And I'll look forward to hearing more from you. Hang in there.

Thanks Don for your kind word of hope, As far as the abandonment its my opinon that is what she did when she closed the door behind her right? She even took the daughters bed I am having to try and get a bed and clean up after she has done this. Thats why I say I cant understand how she could do this. Let me tell you all a little about myself, 43, disabled (lower back injurys) was on a lot of medication for a long time I am at this time trying to get myself off some of it. I worked 3 jobs before I got hurt she didnt have to work. when we moved here from the chicago area she had to get a job until my disabilty came through. It came through in January!!! Go figure and she was leaving in Febuary, Her afair has been going on for sometime I dont know how far it had been going but I do have my ideas about it the little signs you could see in her. But back to the past 2 plus years I was not able to perform all my husbandly dutys ( i hate I am spilling my heart and soul out in here but you should know everything) she could not understand the pain and medication effect it had on me I tried my best to please her it was never enough. I always thaught that when you marry someone its for better or worse and so on. I was wrong. I had gone to counceling as she wanted me to do for the depression, I basicly done everything she asked me to do. No fighting I wouldnt even get into an heated argument with her. I cooked, cleaned, done laundry, took care of or daughter school and all. She had to do nothing and thats what she done she would not even pick up the ash tray if she missed her garbage can next to her. I did say something about it one time but she already didnt care. I look back now and see she was disconecting herself from us and getting ready to make her move and she did. Broken hearted sick to my stomach when she told me she has already been sleeping with someone. If I repeat myself I am sorry. I have to get this out some how I have no other outlits at this time, I have called a counceler waiting on a call back to get in, can not find a support group around here, AND YES I RELY ON JESUS ALOT for comfort and he has not let me down nor will he. I do thank you from the bottom of my heart for letting me in your group here. If I become a burden to you all please let me know, as you can probley figure out I have no selfasteam right now. With love to all and God bless each of you... Dave

We are alwasy here to listen Dave. and I am glad you found us. Welcome! You will find a lot of support and if you venture into other areas of the board you will find a laugh, cry, debate, and even movie and book clubs! Stick around and let it out. We care.

Hi everyone I got a call from a councler and I will be able to go Tueday. The X called to talk to out daughter and I broke down again. I cant help it I truly love this woman is this normal even if she has left and slept with someone else, or am I just crazy stupid all that stuff??

Hi Dave, no worries I think this is probably the best place to be able to let it out. Helps us to understand the situation in the event we might have advice to lend, and just helps you to vent it.

I'm 43 myself, and been through a number of things myself over the years. Only married once but I have three daughters all told, and not one of them has the same mother. My only marriage was with my oldest (22 yr old) daughter's mom. We had many issues and the last issue for me was her stepping out on the marriage, just I was the one to pack up over it. I so very nearly got married to my youngest (12 yr old) daughter's mom but didn't, we actually split up before my daughter was born. I now have custody of that daughter for a little more than 4 years now.

Guess I'm just saying that things will get better with time, and that I can relate some. It does sound like there were things that led up to this over time, and you may just end up finding more relief from it than heartache in the end. I hope you get in to talk with the counselor. Meanwhile, feel free to vent on here, we are listening. Stay in touch and let us know how you are doing. And as Pita says, feel free to check out more of the forum, you'll see plenty of support around here, and may just find a few smiles as well.

Hey Dave, I was posting while you were adding your last post.
Is it normal to feel that way? Only when you have a heart man
Crazy stupid? No, just love does not stop so easily.
Hang in there. Glad you got an appt. with the counselor, and remember that we'll be around, before and after that appt.

Thanks for listening to me everyone as I dont work I will probly be on here alot i have kept it on all day....

Dave/Mrmom_of_1,
I feel your pain and this is a great site/message board. I am new here and discovered this site only this week and I've been on everyday since then. It's so helpful to be able to talk and express yourself and receive helpful comments and advice in return. Don you are GREAT!
Dave it is normal to still love your wife, even though she has been unfaithful, time heals all though. And regardless of your disability she made a vow in front of God through sickness & health and should have kept that vow. Just keep focused on your little girl, her and your faith will pull you through this just fine.

Good Morning all,
Well I woke up today thats good, but the same old thaughts are still there. I sat online last night I think just hoping she would send an e mail or pop up on my yahoo. I cant understand why I put myself through this. I am having a pitty party and she cant even attend to help me out. Do you ever feel like giving up? is that normal? Because I feel like giving up I have lost my best friend and my wife at the same time, and I know its my fault. I should have done better as a husband if i would have she would still be here and would have had no reason to be put in the postion of looking somewhere else for what she needed in her heart and soul. but we never realize this until its to late. I thank you all

Gee...you weren't the one who gave up and left for someone else. Maybe you could have been better, but it takes 2 to make a marriage work, so you can't take all the blame.