why do i here how great you are raising your own kid. but it seems no women want to go out with a single dad.once they find out they are gone.i did have someone tell me that she liked me and did not mind me haveing a kid already but she would not stay with me because of that.even talking to diffrent women once they find out its like something is wrong with me.well im confused not sure what to thing anymore

Welcome to SFV

Well I am 54 and have 6 kids, the oldest is 33 and the youngest is 5. Also have a real nut case ex to deal with, live with my 78yo mom.

So who is going to give me a first look?

I don't know what to tell you, I got remarried when I had 2 teen boys, but now I have lots of drama.

Hey Rich, welcome to the forum. If I had to guess I'd say you are just choosing the wrong women so far. Wait until some of the ladies here read your post, I think you'll find that there are women that don't feel that way about a man raising his children.
Do these women you've been dating even have kids of their own already?

I hope it's o.k. to respond, even though I'm not a man.

My ex had three children when I met him, ages 3, 12, and 13. I wasn't sure how things would go, especially since I had no children and was quite a bit younger than him. But I didn't (and wouldn't) want to miss meeting a potentially great guy just because he had kids. I'm glad I got to know him. Even though we're no longer together, I wouldn't change the time I had with him or the fact he had children.

I can't explain the reactions of other women. Everyone's different. But I know I'm not the only one who's dated/married a man who already has children.

thank you for the welcome.And yes the women i've dated have had kids of there own.sometime i wonder if they think im just looking for a mom.But i,ve been both for 6yrs now(LOL).and yes gabriels mom its good to know there is someone out there like you.it gives hope.wish i found this site yrs ago.

Okay...female here....

I prefer a man with children personally. For one they understand the needs of "kids first" instead of "themselves first". I know single men with no kids who are very demanding and annoying..so adios... The second reason is I wouldn't mind having an extended family. My son is an only child.

Chosing a man with children gives me the opportunity to see how he is with his own children. Of course if there are some values in the home that I cannot cope with, it would be difficult for me to continue the relationship. Unless of course the man I meet has the same values I do and simply requires some help reinforcing them, then I don't mind stepping in. It is really a transition for the kids and maybe it has nothing to do with you. Maybe the women you dated simply was unsure of the relationship and rather get teh kids attached, she opted out. Women often do not verbalize the truth about how they truly feel which is unfortunate...many just take the escape route.

If a woman enters your life and you feel leaves because of the children, those are not the women you are really wanting. She has to want to care for your kids also. She will never be a mom but the right one will be an amazing support person to you and your children and she will show how beneficial it is for you to be in her life and vice versa.

loneliness has to be the single parents worst enemy. i have gone through long periods of accepting that i was not going to be in a relationship (i think those were actually the happiest because i was not so hung up on being lonely) and through times of looking or being in a relationship, which can be very stressful.

i dont think i have ever even allowed myself to be happy always fearing that the relationship would evenutally end i would never let it get very far.

i feel a lot differently these days, and this weekend has been a very strange one - i may post a very strange event that may lead to a finally good relationship =) but i finally had to accept that 1) i would like to be in a relationship and 2) i wont hold back or (*shudder* sabotage it)

Let me just say that while it is not easy, it is possible. I have recently met a woman that finds it simply amazing at how much love, compassion, and caring I have for my son. While she may not be my dream woman, she is a good person, and she is a good friend. She has flat out told me that one of her biggest attractions to me is how passionate I am about Trey. Granted, I get a lot of negativity thrown my way by others, but at least this is one person that sees me for the real me and not just a guy with a child.

-J

I admit, when I was younger, I wouldn't date a man with kids. I guess it's the fear of being a step mom -- if the guy's kids would accept me, and thought of taking care of another woman's kids (they may only compare me to their mother) really scares me. But lately, I realized that I really prefer someone with kids -- because that means they are responsible and they already know how to be father (as opposed to men who'd get scared at the thought that they'll have a child).

On the other hand, I also know of men who'd run like the wind when they learn the girl has children, though there are a few rare breed who'd prefer women with children and accept the kids as his own. Different people have different preferences. And sometimes, preferences do change. Mine did.

I know this is kind of old but if somebody is still reading it I have this to say:
I have been looked at like a super hero because after my gf car accident I did all the things I did in order to raise my daughter when the easiest thing for me to do would've been to keep driving the truck I had and leave her with her grandparents, I guess it all goes with how old you are, when we are younger we want to do a lot of thing with our other half and if that half has a kid we can't, but now I'd love for my daughter to have a stepsister and stepmom so it'll be great to find somebody with a kid.

Dawn you are jewel

Thank you

i hope you're still reading the posts...i wonder the same thing - do guys think i have been looking for a dad for my boys? then i realized i was looking at the ones who have never had children - not always, but i love kids and even tho' mine are "grown" or so they think (20 & 15) they will always be in my life somewhere and the man i meet will have to be okay with the fact that i do have children. hang in there! someone will come along, and it doesn't have to be love at first sight, we learn to love by being around the people we like. I'm sure God will bless you, he already has!

I have to agree with singleparentcoach. I too actually would prefer to date men that have have children. It's just that they know what's it like to be responsible for another person, they know what it's like to put someone else's needs before their own... I think it's common ground in a way. How wonderful to have had that same experience in life so far.

I think the hard task is finding someone with similar parenting skills...my older sister had a really hard time, she raised three kids and while her youngest was still at home married a man with three boys who didn't discipline his boys when they got into trouble and whenever my sister would put her two cents in, he would berate her for intruding on his relationship with his kids (that sounds really terrible, i know)

barb


www.zenmothers.com

Well I am new and I can tell you I am raising two boys 12 and 13 and I hope I do not go through that much trouble. I could have her or the boys and I took them. Do they put me threw the ringer for that.

I know this thread is a bit stale, but I'll add my two cents.

I prefer to date single moms with one to two kids between 5 and 15. I have a 7 year old son and 14 year old daughter, and if things went well, it would be cool to have an "enhanced" family some day. Of course, our parenting styles would have to match, and neither one of us would really be a "step" parent to the other's kids as much as an occasional proxy for their real parent.

I can't see how someone who's never had kids, or at least had a lot of exposure to them, could ever understand what I go through as a parent, so kids are a plus in my book.

Failing that, I don't think I'd want to date someone who, at least, hasn't been in a long-term relationship (7-10) years with someone. Same line of reasoning: relationships take some effort, and previous experience with the dynamics of them is a plus in my book.

That said, an otherwise great potential relationship ended because she could not deal with someone who had young kids: a previous relationship of hers soured because his kids downright hated her, undermined her, and he did nothing to draw appropriate bounderies. Once bitten, twice shy, I guess.

People here write about "baggage". Well, if you truly care for someone, you care for their "baggage" too -- it's part and parcel of who they are. I was seeing someone for a while and her daughter warned me, "You won't stick around once you see what a b*tch mom is in the morning." Well, "mom" just needed a little TLC in the morning: coffee served in bed, and the kids' breakfasts started, until she took over hussling them off to school. And, for the first time in my life, I had the joy of someone cooking dinner for me (my ex didn't cook). Pity it ended, but such is life.