quote:

Originally posted by Singleparentcoach:
I think the beauty of all this is to appreciate the other *** for the unique gifts they bring to a friendship and relationship. WHen we can understand some of this it makes it alot easier. AT least for me anyway. WHen I finally accepted that we are very different and ACCEPTED how different we are, only then can we let go of some of the issues and work around it.

My turn to say... AMEN TO THAT! LOL

It took me YEARS -- or maybe DECADES -- to really understand that men are sooo different from us women. It involved a lot of heartbreak, but the lessons were well worth it. I guess that's the reason why I appreciate my male friends, they're the ones who give me a glimpse into the male psyche without giving me the emotional entanglements of a relationship.

Even until now I still have to continually remind myself that men think too differently from us women. I still struggle over the fact that they have to go into their caves to think just when there are issues that need to be discussed; that they need "space" in relationship even though they know that you are at a point in your life when you need them most; that most of them are jerks who do not understand the emotional makeup of us women, LOL (just kidding guys). But oh well, it's just the way they were created, and there must be a reason why they are the way they are.

To me it is all too much work and stress now. Screw it. If anything, I will just have women friends.

LOL bikjon...having women as friends is good and it is okay to feel the way you do...just wanted to let you know, your fine as you are.

I guess I can admit to being a little afraid of women. I know it scares me to pick up the phone that first time and talk to a woman and ask her out. I'm about a year removed from my ex and feel ready (I think) to start dating again, although not looking for anything serious. But it's been 12 years since I was single, and don't remember it being that easy even back then (not exactly like riding a bike - though sure would be nice to climb back into the saddle again ). The one woman I did manage to ask out let me down easy and said just want to be friends - and we've managed to do that which is good, although didn't do much for my already shaky self-confidence. And I think that is my main problem, not fear but confidence. There are a couple other women I am acquainted with who I think would like to go out with me if I asked - now I just need to get over the hurdle and try.

I am not scared of women, only what they can do to your heart .

quote:

Originally posted by bikejon:
To me it is all too much work and stress now. Screw it. If anything, I will just have women friends.

Right there with you, Mister! Aint it the truth?!

John, again, hope you don't mind me replying about your post, being that I am a woman.
I agree that we are totally different species, and I also understand about your feelings of fear or apprehension(for lack of a better term) of being emotionally attached again. For me it has been almost a year, not near as long as you...but I have pretty much vowed that I am finished with the whole relationship thing. I do not want to get hurt again and even if I ever find a compatible man, I would probably turn him down at this point....because I'm just not ready. BECAUSE I don't want to hurt US-not JUST because of my feelings-his, too. Ya know? I would probably end up hurting him (unintentionally)if I tried to begin a relationship at this point in my life and I do not want to do that. There are things in me I need to fix first.....by the way....where do they make tape strong enough to mend a broken heart? I mean, a really broken heart?
I think you have alot of good tips from others who have replied.....take it one day at a time.
Begin with yourself and overcome any obstacles you have with you and then perhaps you will be released to move forward....
That's what I'm doing in me right now.
I hope only the best for you!

By the way.....friends is good.

My first post:

I have found that I have no interest in dating anyone. I guess I will at some point. But I don't even have a bachelor mentality anymore.

The thought of having a new woman around my 5-year old just doesn't appeal to me. At least not yet.

I have to comment - even though I am not a guy! Someone stated that some women are attracted to the bad boys and I have to admit that this is somewhat true. I am one of them and paying a huge price for it now.

Some women just like the mystery, the spontaneity (sp?). I want someone to make me laugh - a lot. I don't like the sappy guys that vow to take care of me or love me forever. I think I like the ones that let me breathe and don't over analyze me. I cannot tell you how many guys I have hurt (before my husband) that were just "too nice" and I hate that I was like that or that I did it. woulda-shoulda-coulda! I sat beside this man in church recently and thought to myself - I know that you are single, you could have sat anywhere else and you didn't, say something, look at me and just smile, laugh at the preachers jokes, something to let me know you are alive....I hate that I thought that, but I realized at that very moment what I wanted and needed in a man and it needs to be light and refreshing. Not all women are like myself, but a lot of women have got to want the same thing. The difference in me and Barbie's of this world is the fact that I know what I want and I am not willing to rely on superficial ways to get it. Even if a woman is not beautiful, she needs to be made to feel that way.

All of you men....lighten it up a little....just learn how to have fun and find that inner sense of humor that I know exists.

Hope I don't sound like I lack empathy - I am not that way...I understand...found out the hard way.

S-

if i may comment (I'm also a lady in this forum for men, LOL)... what's the definition of "bad boys" and "good boys" anyway? if someone makes you laugh a lot, does that make him a "bad boy" and if someone is too nice does that make him a "good boy"? the former sounds more like "naughty" and latter sounds more like "boring" to me. and naughty is not bad, nor is boring good -- its more like the other way around.

we've different definitions of "good" and "bad" that's why i can't put a label on guys as "bad boys" and "good boys"... everything is so relative in this world. and I think I tend to complicate things even more with all my questions on definitions. LOL

You are right...good usually means boring, but I will take a good boy with values and morals and a straight and narrow view any day over the bad boy that takes risk and does things that are not usually on the up and up. I am living proof of what a bad boy is...my husband is now in prison and I thought that he had changed. Most bad boys will tell you anything you want to hear...

quote:

Originally posted by itcomesback2u:
You are right...good usually means boring, but ...... Most bad boys will tell you anything you want to hear...

LOL...so that pretty much voids anything I was about to say................but I'll say it anyways.

Hey! Some Good boys are NOT boring! Hullo? Me!

And how would you know if a bad boy were telling you something you wanted to hear....and was not actually a Good boy?" Hmmmmm?

Like I said...I learned from experience and heard enough mess to know how to read um now. Sometimes you don't know until later if what they are saying is mess or not, but eventually the garbage comes out (my husbands mess took 17 years to surface)

Ya know, not every guy has a great sense of humor like you...know any guys like that in VA? I havent met any lately. I must have some major trust issues, cause I don't really trust many these days. What to do, what to do?

Boring is not good! At least not for me, LOL. So don't worry Paul, we'll put you in the "good" category.

Anyway, I asked the question about "good" and "bad" definitions because from experience, I learned that "good boys" can be "bad" ... and that "bad boys" can be "good". I've been in three serious relationships... one with a so-called "bad boy" and the two other with so-called "good boys"...

the bad boy had a drinking problem, tried drugs and was promiscious, but he was the one who was faithful to me and was willing to change for the better. My second relationship was with a "good boy" who was a pastor's kid and had a decent job in ministry, but he cheated on me with his former girlfriend and even hacked a credit card to buy himself a motorbike to take her around town. My present relationship is also what others may label as a "good boy" since he's successful in his career and loving towards his parents and siblings, but man, this guy is the one who got me pregnant but is not sharing in his responsibilities to his child.

so what's good and bad here?