Wild Dancing Thanksgivng Turkey In desperate need of support/advice - Single Parents Forum: Single Family Voices
All forums, topics and discussions are geared to single parents and the issues faced with single parenting.
Support a single parent today and one will support you back!
         


Go Back   Single Parents Forum: Single Family Voices >
(``'·.¸(``'·.¸ Single Parent Mothers ¸.·'´´)¸.·'´´)
> Single Moms


~ Donate Today ~ PLEASE
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 11-14-2016, 05:31 PM   #1
kmt22 Female
I am New
 
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: Michigan
Posts: 5
Rep Power: 0
kmt22 is an unknown quantity at this point
Unhappy In desperate need of support/advice

i am 20 years old and 8 weeks pregnant from a one night stand, I was on birth control so obviously this was a mistake, but abortion isn't an option for me. Since I was 13 I've struggled with depression so I know aborting would destroy me. I was raised in a christian home, but as soon as I told my dad he immediately told me to abort and soon after my mom agreed with him. I have for sure done some dumb things in the past but I am ready to take leave that behind and take on this responsibility. But they are making it very hard for me mentally and emotionally. My dad has told me how selfish my decision is, and accused me of doing this on purpose and told me he feels bad for the dad. My mom didn't have sex till she was married and is kinda "prude" (idk if that's the right word to use here), and has told me I need to be "checked in somewhere for my sexual behavior" and that she knows I'm not capable of being a mom. She's even told me that she would be concerned about the welfare of my child. Everything they've said has hurt me so much. I am not a partier, I don't drink or go out I literally go to work and go home every day. I am not a bad person, but they are really getting into my head. I think part of the problem is that the baby is bi-racial and my parents are not okay with that. I've been kicked out before for being with a black guy. My dad has told me if I don't get an abortion then I need to find a new place to live. I'm really stressed and overwhelmed. I got a new job in an office but I will still only be making $10/hr. I know there are family members that are willing to help me. Is it wrong of me to have this baby even though I'm young and not in a perfect position to have it? I know there are a lot of programs that could help me. I don't want to regret anything.
kmt22 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-20-2016, 11:48 AM   #2
momof5inTX Female
I am New
 
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: TX
Posts: 12
Rep Power: 0
momof5inTX is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Re: In desperate need of support/advice

Personally, I feel that keeping your baby or at least having your baby is the appropriate action of responsibility for your actions. You had sex... that runs the risk of getting pregnant. Having the baby would be the responsible thing to do. One of the first things in becoming a parent is realizing that you have to tune some other people out and put yourself and your child first. I'm sure it's very difficult with what your parents are saying to you.

Your parents ultimately want what is best for you and I am sure they are hurt over the fact they can't control what you do and want to protect you. You can always put the baby up for adoption if you don't want to keep it, but I'm guessing your instinct is telling you to keep and raise the baby.. which is a great decision as well.

I would say this... find people who will support your decision to keep your child and get help getting on your feet. Get a place of your own and support yourself! Join a support group locally to garner more support for your situation and find people who are in the same situation. That will give you some emotional support as well as resources for providing what you need/encouragement etc. You can DO this!

I applaud you for wanting to be responsible for your actions. A baby is a blessing. You'll definitely be up for many challenges but you will learn and you will grow through the process!!
momof5inTX is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-29-2016, 07:01 PM   #3
bluewave Female
At A loss for Words - NOT!

 
bluewave's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Somewhere in the Pacific
Posts: 1,742
Rep Power: 152
bluewave Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportbluewave Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportbluewave Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportbluewave Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportbluewave Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportbluewave Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportbluewave Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportbluewave Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportbluewave Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportbluewave Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportbluewave Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Support
Default Re: In desperate need of support/advice

Dear kmt22,
Welcome to SFV.

This is your decision, not your parents, and I also would feel hurt and sad if they were saying these things to me.

I think it's very helpful that you have supportive people in your life, and you have a job, and yes there are programs out there to help single moms, so make your decision based on what you think is best. You are an adult.

There are many people in this world who would scream from the rooftops that abortion is not an option, and many people in this world who would scream just as loud to defend that choice.

I see it as being left up to you. Dig deep in your heart and if you're willing and ready to move out on your own and provide for you and your child, then do it. If not, don't. At the end of the day, you're the only one who can answer that question. Hang in there and know you aren't alone.
bluewave is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-22-2017, 01:48 AM   #4
Reina Female
I am New
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: South dakota
Posts: 3
Rep Power: 0
Reina is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Re: In desperate need of support/advice

OP, I had a lot of guilt about not aborting my daughter because her father abandoned us when I was pregnant and I thought, who am I to be so selfish to keep my daughter when I can't give her the perfect life. I too, refused to abort. My family had similar worries (though the religious part died down since my baby is the 5yh grandchild born out of wedlock and they kind of got over it being a "stigma"). I don't know the particulars of your situation, but what I can say is this... we ALL have our things in life. Whether it's an absent parent, a dead parent, a smothering parent, disinterested parent, abusive parent... we ALL have something. None of us have perfect lives. Do what you feel is best... once the baby is here, assuming you don't abort, your parents will get over it eventually. I look at my daughter now and can't imagine not having her here and am so glad that I didn't let her jerk father determine her fate. Do what is best for you and best for your baby. If you have the will to provide your child with a good life despite your situation you WILL find a way. Good luck to you
Reina is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-22-2017, 01:17 PM   #5
Dad1st4boys Male
Failure is not an Option.

 
Dad1st4boys's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Western Plains area
Posts: 7,564
Rep Power: 299
Dad1st4boys Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportDad1st4boys Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportDad1st4boys Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportDad1st4boys Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportDad1st4boys Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportDad1st4boys Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportDad1st4boys Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportDad1st4boys Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportDad1st4boys Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportDad1st4boys Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportDad1st4boys Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Support
Default Re: In desperate need of support/advice

It's not the baby's fault he or she was conceved. Each is a gift. As for out of wed lock. That does not have the stigma it used to, especially for the child. Yes it is better for the child to have a married set of parents, but it's do-able. Why punish the child for the faults of the parents.
__________________
If not me, Then who? Speznaz

The Only Easy Day was Yesterday. NavSpecWar

If it is Important to us we make it happen.......
If it's not, then we make excuses...
Dad1st4boys is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-25-2017, 06:34 PM   #6
ECRuiz Female
I am New
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Arizona
Posts: 5
Rep Power: 0
ECRuiz is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Re: In desperate need of support/advice

Hi KMT22. I speak from experience.
ECRuiz is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-25-2017, 06:55 PM   #7
ECRuiz Female
I am New
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Arizona
Posts: 5
Rep Power: 0
ECRuiz is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Re: In desperate need of support/advice

Let me try this again... (I pressed return by accident)
Hi KMT22. I speak from experience. I got pregnant at 20 and had my baby at 21. I am in my 30's and my son is 17 now. It was a struggle for me. When he was 2 I became a single mother. There was so many things i had to learn. From daycare costs, putting food on the table, to transportation etc. working etc. it never ends

Now i tell my son to finish school, go to college, travel then find a partner you can share and build a life with. i told him this because i don't want my son to struggle the way i did.

I'm sure your parents mean well and are trying to do what's best for you in their own way but ultimately it is your decision. i wanted to share with you my experience and not sugar coat anything but i want to say it will be okay and if you decide to have this child he or she will be a blessing. And because of your love for this child you will concur all struggles that come your way

~Follow your heart~
ECRuiz is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes


Resources: youngrobin.com
Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Desperate for advice! zoiezmommy Law & Legal Issues 7 10-20-2014 02:42 PM
Desperate for advice mommyof2boys Dating & Relationships 5 06-01-2005 10:06 PM
Desperate need of advice kristiep Law & Legal Issues 7 03-29-2005 04:34 PM
New to site and desperate for advice/help jcb and kgb always 30 - Something Single Moms 7 09-25-2004 10:20 PM
Need Advice and Support M-KathleenD Ex's 4 12-11-2002 08:20 AM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 07:44 PM.

Some parent places to visit:
A Single Parents
Parent Arium
Solo Parents
Single Parent Personal Ads



Go Like Us On Facebook = facebook.com/SoloParent
Go Like Us On Facebook = facebook.com/SingleParentsInformation
Powered by vbulletin

All forums, topics and discussions are geared to single parents and the issues faced with single parenting.
Support a single parent today and one will support you back!

A Community for single parents, step parents and blended families

Disclaimer Under Section 107 of the Copyright Act 1976, allowance is made for "fair use" for purposes such as criticism, comment, news reporting, teaching, scholarship, and research. Fair use is a use permitted by copyright statute that might otherwise be infringing. Non-profit, educational or personal use tips the balance in favor of fair use.