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Old 05-20-2010, 11:03 AM   #1
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beg or prayer Heart broken

I'm at a loss as to what to do.

For the last 3 days (Mon-Wed), E has come home and been a total nightmare. Normally he is kind, helpful, loving, and interacts with us. But this hasn't been so. Last night, I had just about had it with him. After telling him time and time again he is not allowed to trade things without coming to me first (he usually ends up getting the end of the deal), I found out in school he traded his cousin his pen that I gave him money to buy at the book fair for blue pencil box. Then traded the pencil box for a pointer thing with a hand on it. He actually came out on top, however, his cousin was out a pencil box, and I knew his parents would be livid. They as well don't like the trading thing. I grounded E from video games last night, explaining that not only was he defiant in not listening to what I had said about trading, but his attitude was getting out of control and I wouldn't tolerate it. He wasn't happy about it, however, he didn't argue. 20 minutes later, M and G come in my room where I was doing laundry and are screaming that E changed the channel while they were in the middle of bowling on the Wii. I went to the living room, and sure enough, E was sitting on the couch, remote in hand, watching cartoons. I took the remote from him, changed it back to AUX and told E to get in the corner. He was wrong for doing that, as M and G's time on the Wii were not up yet. He huffed and puffed and stood in the corner. I resumed folding clothes. When my timer went off, I called him into my room and told him that if he was going to be nasty, he could just spend the rest of the day and evening in his room. His response, "FINE, I don't want to be around my stupid brother and sister anyways." And stormed off to his room. I knew something was bothering him, however I like time to chill when I'm mad so I gave him the same respect. I went outside to smoke and take a phone call and came back inside. I can see his room from the front door, however I didn't see him. So walking towards his room I say jokingly, "Where is E? Did he manage to sneak out of the house and run away." He came out from behind his door and said, "Not yet, but I'm thinking about it." I was shocked. His response was in no way shape or form humorous. I asked him if he was serious and he said, "Yup, now go away and leave me alone."

By this point I'm at a loss for words. My wonderful, sweet, loving baby (who claims he's no longer a baby, he's almost 10) was NOT being his usual self. I went back to his room and asked him one more time if he was serious and where would he go. He said, "Yes mom, I'm serious, and don't worry about where I'll go. I won't be here." I got the number to the local sheriff's department to find out what I could do if he ran away. The b!tch on the other line said that I needed to take all measures to stop him. However, if he so much as got a scratch on him, I could be arrested. If he got out, and managed to take off, I had to go get him, and bring him home safely. Again, if he so much as got a scratch, i could be arrested! I was speechless, then asked, "Well if he runs away, can I call 911 and have the cops bring him home? Since that's probably the safer route?" Her response, "Absolutely not. It is not our job to parent your children. Nor is it our job to go get your child should he decide to run away. Obviously there is something going on in the home that maybe the child shouldn't be there. Be a mother, and take care of your child. Don't depend on us to do it for you."

EXCUSE ME?!? WHAT DID THIS B!TCH JUST SAY TO ME? IS SHE F*ING SERIOUS????! I told her to have a nice day and while she's at it pull the cucumber out of her a$$ and I hung up. First of all, his behavior is totally out of character for him. Second of all, when I do try to talk to him to find out what's going on, he tells me nothing. Third of all, in the mornings, he's fine. It's only after he's been at school all day. I just assumed he was tired and was ready for school to be over. I called my best friend to get her advice. She has a son 2 years older than mine, and I knew she had been through something similar. She told me to MAKE him sit down and talk to me. Something was going on at school and I better get to the bottom of it now before he ended up like her son. Completely defiant, abusive, and crazy.

I went in E's room, grabbed his hand, and told him to come with me. After making sure M and G were settled watching a movie, I took E outside and sat down in the grass with him face to face. I asked him what was going on at school, that something was wrong, and I didn't want to hear nothing. I want to help him out. For a second I thought he was going to spill the beans. He didn't, he just started crying. Hysterically. I pulled him into my lap and cried with him. I didn't know what was going on, but something was wrong. About 3 minutes later, he starts talking.

Rewind to last Tuesday, he came very irate at his cousin. Who by the way is also his best friend. Apparently during morning program, his cousin stayed in the classroom with 2 other friends. His cousin took his hat out of his locker, and went to the library to the book fair. When E came back from morning program, his cousin had his hat on and 3 erasers. His cousin was bragging how he stole the erasers using E's hat. But told E not to tell or else. Thank God E was so mad about him taking his hat and using it for something bad, that as soon as he came home, he told me. I called my nephews parents, and long story short, the nephew is in A LOT of trouble.

Fast forward to last night. According to E, his cousin and 2 friends are being mean to him. They tell him that he HAS to play what they are playing or else they won't be his friend. His cousin also tells him that he can't pick what the play because he's a snitch and as his dad says, snitches get stitches. Since E can obviously beat his cousin up if his cousin tried to challenge him, his cousin is using the whole, "I made him promise not to tell, but he did anyways. So he doesn't get to pick ANYTHING we play." The other two boys are following suit. My nephew was warned by his parents that if he retaliated against E, he would be in even more trouble. He doesn't care. He's a liar and a thief, and cares about no one but himself. E also told me that he's tired of not having friends, but he's also tired of not being able to pick any games they play. He's tired of pretending there are ghosts in the school. It's getting boring now. He also begged me not to call his cousins parents. I told him I'd have to think about what I was going to do, and that I wouldn't make any promises not to call. What was being done to him was wrong. And no one deserved to be treated that way. He also told me that on the bus there are 2 7th graders that are picking on him. They have the option when the bus stops that if a seat becomes empty, they can move up. They can't move back, but they can move up. E has tried on several occasions to move up, however when he does, one of the 2 7th graders will push him back into the seat and tell him to "Sit down, you have no rights on this bus yet." The anger started building. When he was finished talking about everything he needed to get out, I gave him a big hug told him I love him and told him that things aren't always easy. But we have to keep our heads up and not let anyone bring us down. I told him I would take care of the bus and school incident and that from now on, even if it's every single day, if something like this happens, to please come tell me. He said he would.

I emailed his counselor and teacher about the 2 situations. I'm hoping they can maybe do a mediation with the 4 boys. And watch the video on the bus. I refuse to allow my son to be bullied by some 7th grade jerks, and if nothing is done about it, I'll take matters into my own hands and contact the police. I so badly want to go to his cousins house and beat that child like I got beat for doing stupid when I was a kid. I want to tell his parents what he's doing to E. But at the same time, I don't want it to get any worse. I told him we only have about 4 1/2 more weeks of school. And that I would be contacting his teacher and counselor about this.

I don't know what else to do. How to make the pain go away. He came to me this morning not really wanting to go to school because he just didn't want to deal with his friends. I made him go anyways, and told him to take a notebook outside at recess time and write me a story. Maybe what they all need is a "break" from each other. Maybe if he does his own thing and he's no longer allowing his cousin to treat him like ____, his other 2 friends will realize what's going on and decide they no longer want to play that game. I told him there were no gurantees, but the best thing to do would be to take himself out of the equation.

Other than that, I have no idea what to do or tell him. I don't ever remember things like this going on when I was in ELEMENTARY school!
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Old 05-20-2010, 12:30 PM   #2
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Default Re: Heart broken

It is so heartbreaking to watch your child be bullied and treated badly by other children.

I would contact the school and maybe you can get him in to see the school counselor, they should be able to help him come up with some strategies to use when these things happen.
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Old 05-20-2010, 01:59 PM   #3
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Default Re: Heart broken

Just want to say that I'm so sorry you and your son are having to deal with this, but I think you are doing an awesome job!
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Old 05-20-2010, 02:35 PM   #4
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Default Re: Heart broken

Update:

After the anger of last night started to go away, I decided to go against my son's request and contact my nephew's parents. I told his mom everything that was going on and that I didn't not appreciate the way he was treating E. She definitely agrees and says she will take care of it tonight. I also told her that after the wedding (they are getting married this weekend) I will not be able to take him home with me, that I feel making E be around him after what he's put him through for the last couple of days, would be wrong. I also told her that if her son kept his ____ up, I'd be going to the principle. She's not to happy about this, but understands why I have to do what I have to do to protect my son. She then proceeded to tell me that last night her son came home from school mad at E because E said to him during recess "You know what S? Your a liar and a thief and everyone knows it. I don't know why anyone would even want to be friends with you. I know I don't. I'm only friends with you because your my cousin. And I'm glad I'm going to my dads this summer so I don't have to see your ugly face." His mom wasn't too happy about it, but then again, she couldn't get an honest answer out of him as to why E would say something like that, so she didn't bother calling me with it. We then agreed that if I don't move out of the school district this summer, which I REALLY want to do, then we will make sure they are not in the same class. We also agreed that between now and when E comes back from AR and S comes back from DE (S's bio mom lives down there, his dad has custody) we will keep them away from each other as much as possible.

I have and will always teach my kids to voice their opinions, providing their opinions were not hurtful or disrespectful, or a lie. Although I understand why E said what he said to his cousin, it hurt his cousins feelings. So when he gets home tonight, instead of patting him on the back and saying, "Good job E for sticking up for yourself!" I'm going to make him write an apology letter to S for saying what he said. True or not, it was hurtful.

Oh and I called their teacher and asked that he do his best to keep E and S away from each other from now until school is out. He said he was already trying that, as they have been doing nothing but fighting over EVERYTHING for the past 2 weeks. UGH!
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Old 05-21-2010, 04:10 AM   #5
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Default Re: Heart broken

I would encourage you to give boys space, for now.....but please try and foster peace, they are family.

This is normal stuff. If it weren't his cousin, it would be a close friend. My daughter is going through something very, very similar with her best friend. Her best friend has started telling DD that she has to be friends with these two girls. Well these two girls are TROUBLE. So the bff tells my DD that she is a brat and selfish. DD says that she is not going to hang out with girls that are not nice, ditch class, and smoke pot.

Both girls accuse each other of mean behavior. My daughter has said some mean and hurtful things to this girl, and this girl doesn't seem to care about my daughters feelings either. They have fought over boys, friends, and over who has the most stressful life. The bff tells my daughter that she is not good at dance, is short, and not attractive and that's why boys do not like her. She has been home in tears more times then I even care to count.

The bff's mom and I have been in close communication together. While we support our daughters, both of us believe that they need to learn to effectively communicate with each other. We are both Christian and we are working on teaching the girls about respecting boundaries, feelings, and opinions of each other....it's HARD work. But DD is learning and growing, becoming stronger in the face of adversity.

So, I would encourage that the two of you work together to resolve the issue....cousins should be friends...but perhaps between the personal time they spend together and the time they spend in the classroom---its' just too much.

Something similar happened in DD's classroom with her bff last year too. It's like this time of year they are just tired of each other......for me it usually begins in March.

Good luck.
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Old 05-21-2010, 09:57 AM   #6
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Default Re: Heart broken

I agree with L

They are probably more like brothers than cousins. A little time away, but this will blow over, you really shouldn't have them stay away from each other, no matter what hurtful things are being said atm, this will blow over, Remember (correct me if i'm wrong guys) the boys fight and get over it, where as girls are more emotional and hold "grudges" I'm sure by the time they come back from their visitations this will be almost forgotten
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Old 05-25-2010, 12:29 PM   #7
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Default Re: Heart broken

Here's what happened this weekend:

After deciding to keep the boys away from each other until they come back from their visitations with the NCP's, we found that would be nearly impossible.

My cousin and I sat both boys down and had a long talk with them. E apologized for "ratting" S out, but then S admitted he probably would've done the same thing. S apologized for putting E in a position to do the right thing and hurt S, or do the wrong thing and possibly get in trouble along with S. They both agreed that being mad at each other and doing hurtful things was wrong. They decided they no longer wanted to talk about it, and get on with their 9 year old lives, leaving my cousin and I wondering what the heck just happened!

Needless to say, they are planning a 3 day camping adventure at S's house before they have to go to their other parents for the summer. They also came up with the bright idea that I keep S's little brother for those 3 days so that they don't get interrupted.

S's parents and I have decided that we're just going to take their newly rekindled relationship one day at a time and hope that nothing else seriously goes wrong between now and the time they get out of school.

On a much more positive note, somehow I got conned into signing up to be the host of 3 9 year old boys (E, his cousin S, and their friend from school), my boyfriends 7 year old son, my 5 year old son, my 3 year old daughter, and my 3 year old nephew this weekend. I'm starting to think that 6 boys under 1 roof may not be such a great idea!!! UGH! How do I manage to get myself into these messes!!!
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Old 05-25-2010, 12:33 PM   #8
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Default Re: Heart broken

Yikes!! That's a lot of kids under one roof. I would spend A LOT of time outdoors with them if that were a choice.
Glad to hear the other two are working it out. Hopefully it lasts...
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Old 05-25-2010, 12:43 PM   #9
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Default Re: Heart broken

WTG boys! And better you than me with all those kids, .
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