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Old 10-21-2004, 02:13 AM   #1
takwakin
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I have a beautiful bright four year old son. He is an only child. I was with his father for six years and we recently broke up due to his physical abuse.

I am not a young mother but I am a first time mother and my heart is breaking for my child. He loves his father so much! And he misses him like crazy. His dad has come over about once a week to see him, but for a kid who had his dad everyday this is so little time.

He was always such a happy little guy, so well adjusted and optimistic I see changes in him now that I just hate! He is becoming very weepy and emotional. He has started acting up at school and now says he hates it when he used to love it. He just isn't himself anymore.

I was watching him sleep tonight and I was so angry with his father! I gave his father the option of staying with us if he agreed to take a course for batterers, but he decided he would rather throw us away than make the effort to change. His selfish behavior is so cruel!! How could he throw away our beautiful son??!

I phoned him tonight to ask him if he was coming to see him because he hadn't seen him since last week and he said that he wanted to try and see him in a couple of days. What the?! What can possibly be more important than our son?

My baby misses his daddy so much and he doesn't even seem to care! I feel so helpless and angry. I know that nothing I do will ever fill that empty hole inside him that his daddy left and I hate it. He deserves so much better than a father who doesn't care enough to make the time to see him.

I will be the best mom I know how to be for him. And my family will be there for us as well, however the loss of his dad in his life will always haunt him. I wish things were different I wish I could take away all of his hurts and confusion, but all I can do is weep (once he is asleep) for the injustice of our situation. Tonight I wish I could go find his dad and beat the heck out of him!
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Old 10-21-2004, 02:13 AM   #2
takwakin
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I have a beautiful bright four year old son. He is an only child. I was with his father for six years and we recently broke up due to his physical abuse.

I am not a young mother but I am a first time mother and my heart is breaking for my child. He loves his father so much! And he misses him like crazy. His dad has come over about once a week to see him, but for a kid who had his dad everyday this is so little time.

He was always such a happy little guy, so well adjusted and optimistic I see changes in him now that I just hate! He is becoming very weepy and emotional. He has started acting up at school and now says he hates it when he used to love it. He just isn't himself anymore.

I was watching him sleep tonight and I was so angry with his father! I gave his father the option of staying with us if he agreed to take a course for batterers, but he decided he would rather throw us away than make the effort to change. His selfish behavior is so cruel!! How could he throw away our beautiful son??!

I phoned him tonight to ask him if he was coming to see him because he hadn't seen him since last week and he said that he wanted to try and see him in a couple of days. What the?! What can possibly be more important than our son?

My baby misses his daddy so much and he doesn't even seem to care! I feel so helpless and angry. I know that nothing I do will ever fill that empty hole inside him that his daddy left and I hate it. He deserves so much better than a father who doesn't care enough to make the time to see him.

I will be the best mom I know how to be for him. And my family will be there for us as well, however the loss of his dad in his life will always haunt him. I wish things were different I wish I could take away all of his hurts and confusion, but all I can do is weep (once he is asleep) for the injustice of our situation. Tonight I wish I could go find his dad and beat the heck out of him!
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Old 10-21-2004, 06:40 AM   #3
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[QUOTE]Originally posted by takwakin:
[QB] My baby misses his daddy so much and he doesn't even seem to care! I feel so helpless and angry. I know that nothing I do will ever fill that empty hole inside him that his daddy left and I hate it. He deserves so much better than a father who doesn't care enough to make the time to see him.


I am very sorry that your son is missing his daddy. It is impossible for you to make his dad feel what he just doesn't feel. It is unfortunate that there are so many parents like this. My advice to you is to STOP asking him to do anything for the two of you anymore. He is the one missing out. The dad will come around when he is ready, but in the mean time, you have to get on with your life and start planning ahead. Don't beg him. I think you are looking at this the wrong way....You have to look at this like you just got an abusive man out of your lives. You have just protected your son the best way you can. I know that it hurts right now, but your ex. is not going to change. Now you have to move forward and focus on making the two of you, your family. Your son is going to be just fine...kids are very resilient. If he sees you doing fine and getting on...he will too. When he asks you questions about his dad tell him the absolute truth. Truthful explanations, and a lot of love are all that you can give him. I feel for you. There are a lot of caring hearts in this forum and we are here to listen and help if we can. Take care and keep us posted.
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Old 10-21-2004, 07:02 AM   #4
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First of all, welcome to the site. There are many on this site that have been in your situation and can help by letting you know how they handled it. It is a fantastic place for a wealth of knowledge and wonderful new friends.

I agree w/what Thinker said. You can only do so much and honesty and your absolute love for your son will go farther than you realize. Don't beg him to do something he doesn't want to do because it will only make him aggitated and not put his all into it. I would quit asking him all together and let him come around when he is ready to stand up and do the right thing. It may happen really soon or it may not happen at all, but all you can do is be the best mom for your son that you can. Since that is what you intended to do anyway, that shouldn't be a problem.

I'm so sorry you and your son have to go through this. It is a terrible thing and I know how hard it is to see the hurt in your baby's eyes. It is the most excruciating pain. I see the hurt sometimes in my son's eyes, who never even knew his father, and it nearly kills me. It does get easier to deal w/the things that come your way and the pain will lessen a little as time passes and your son gets older (I wish I could tell you that it would go away completely, but it won't).

Good luck to you and your son! We very much look forward to getting to know you both much better and hearing how things are going for you. Keep us posted on the things that are going on and feel free to ask for more advice or a shoulder to cry on if you need it!
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