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Old 11-27-2007, 08:17 PM   #1
ctgirly
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I have a baby that is one and a half, with a man I was engaged to prior to getting pregnant. He broke it off with me half way during the pregnancy, and tired to get back together with me when she was born. Even though he claims he was trying to work things out with me, he rarely showed up or helped. I became so distraught over the lack of participation, even though that he said he wanted to work things out, that I suspected he was with someone else. I "invaded his privacy" and went through his phone. Only to find out that he was seeing someone, the same girl he was with when I was pregnant. He swore it was nothing. And then there was another girl. Needless to say, a year went by (without a visit to his daughter) and now he is back saying that he would of been around that whole year if I didn't invade his privacy and would just be patient and let him adjust. It has been two months that we have been trying to be friends and work towards being together. But, something just didn't feel right, and he was canceling visits with us or showing up hours late. He always wanted to see the baby at my house and not his. I started my investigating again (which I have never done in any other relationship). I found him on myspace. His profile is there for dating only, he says he has no kids, he says he is 6 years younger then he is 39 instead of 45, he opened it the same time he was saying he wanted to get back together AND the girl that he use to be seeing was listed as his friend on there. THE KICKER IS, he never told this girl about me OR the baby. She has no idea that I was engaged to him, or that she was dating him when I was pregnant and right after I had the baby. I was so mad, that I wanted to email her. I struggled for days, and I finally did. I was nice in the email, explaining I only wanted the truth and wanted to know if they were still together. The awful things is that my daughter will probably never see her dad again, or for a very long time. I wish I was strong enough to of taken the high road, but if I was her I would want to know. And I felt so decieved. I loved this man, and was still waiting for him to come back to us. Part of me feels I did this to make a final break. Should I of thought of the baby and taken the hight road? Did I do the right thing? Help!
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Old 11-27-2007, 08:17 PM   #2
ctgirly
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I have a baby that is one and a half, with a man I was engaged to prior to getting pregnant. He broke it off with me half way during the pregnancy, and tired to get back together with me when she was born. Even though he claims he was trying to work things out with me, he rarely showed up or helped. I became so distraught over the lack of participation, even though that he said he wanted to work things out, that I suspected he was with someone else. I "invaded his privacy" and went through his phone. Only to find out that he was seeing someone, the same girl he was with when I was pregnant. He swore it was nothing. And then there was another girl. Needless to say, a year went by (without a visit to his daughter) and now he is back saying that he would of been around that whole year if I didn't invade his privacy and would just be patient and let him adjust. It has been two months that we have been trying to be friends and work towards being together. But, something just didn't feel right, and he was canceling visits with us or showing up hours late. He always wanted to see the baby at my house and not his. I started my investigating again (which I have never done in any other relationship). I found him on myspace. His profile is there for dating only, he says he has no kids, he says he is 6 years younger then he is 39 instead of 45, he opened it the same time he was saying he wanted to get back together AND the girl that he use to be seeing was listed as his friend on there. THE KICKER IS, he never told this girl about me OR the baby. She has no idea that I was engaged to him, or that she was dating him when I was pregnant and right after I had the baby. I was so mad, that I wanted to email her. I struggled for days, and I finally did. I was nice in the email, explaining I only wanted the truth and wanted to know if they were still together. The awful things is that my daughter will probably never see her dad again, or for a very long time. I wish I was strong enough to of taken the high road, but if I was her I would want to know. And I felt so decieved. I loved this man, and was still waiting for him to come back to us. Part of me feels I did this to make a final break. Should I of thought of the baby and taken the hight road? Did I do the right thing? Help!
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Old 11-27-2007, 08:45 PM   #3
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I don't believe anyone should stay in a relationship that is filled with dishonesty. You have one life to live and you have the right to chose a pleasant one and you have the right to find someone who will treat you better than that.
I'm sorry you had to unveil all of those things, but obviously your intuition and gut were right all along.

Your a survivor..hang in there.
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Old 11-27-2007, 09:24 PM   #4
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I think it was Maya Angelou who said "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time."

Don't fall a victim to hints of promises. What he choses to do each day tells you what he has decided. What I mean is, each day he has a choice to be a loving commited person to you and the child you share.

When you live hoping for the possibility with this man, you take away the chance for someone else to build a loving relationship with you.
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Old 11-27-2007, 09:44 PM   #5
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Thanks tessmit, that was really good insight. xo
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Old 11-28-2007, 03:41 AM   #6
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<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by ctgirly:
I have a baby that is one and a half, with a man I was engaged to prior to getting pregnant. He broke it off with me half way during the pregnancy, and tired to get back together with me when she was born. Even though he claims he was trying to work things out with me, he rarely showed up or helped. I became so distraught over the lack of participation, even though that he said he wanted to work things out, that I suspected he was with someone else. I "invaded his privacy" and went through his phone. Only to find out that he was seeing someone, the same girl he was with when I was pregnant. He swore it was nothing. And then there was another girl. Needless to say, a year went by (without a visit to his daughter) and now he is back saying that he would of been around that whole year if I didn't invade his privacy and would just be patient and let him adjust. It has been two months that we have been trying to be friends and work towards being together. But, something just didn't feel right, and he was canceling visits with us or showing up hours late. He always wanted to see the baby at my house and not his. I started my investigating again (which I have never done in any other relationship). I found him on myspace. His profile is there for dating only, he says he has no kids, he says he is 6 years younger then he is 39 instead of 45, he opened it the same time he was saying he wanted to get back together AND the girl that he use to be seeing was listed as his friend on there. THE KICKER IS, he never told this girl about me OR the baby. She has no idea that I was engaged to him, or that she was dating him when I was pregnant and right after I had the baby. I was so mad, that I wanted to email her. I struggled for days, and I finally did. I was nice in the email, explaining I only wanted the truth and wanted to know if they were still together. The awful things is that my daughter will probably never see her dad again, or for a very long time. I wish I was strong enough to of taken the high road, but if I was her I would want to know. And I felt so decieved. I loved this man, and was still waiting for him to come back to us. Part of me feels I did this to make a final break. Should I of thought of the baby and taken the hight road? Did I do the right thing? Help! </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

You both obviously had problems with your relationship so there is serious trust issues already there (you felt you needed to invade his privacy and then there was the issue of you being right so you know he has no problem with cheating on women).

There is no excuse for cheating on a woman or man. My EX treated my like total sh*t and yet I never cheated on her and I had opportunities. I didn't even consider them because I believed in trying to work out problems ... lead er to cheating on me and she will tell you to this day it was MY fault she slept with another man I kicked out of my life previously because he threatened me (I didn't want him near my children, he was the first one she went running too).

It isn't worth it, let him see his daughter if he REALLY wants to but no relationship because it will only cause problems not just with you, but the complications will affect your daughter.

If you are wondering if your nuts, then think of it this way! The majority of us have been down your road and we all think we are nuts, so I guess we are ALL nuts! Just have to figure out if I am a walnut or chestnut ... I wonder ...
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