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Old 01-18-2011, 06:46 PM   #1
LorieBnfL Female
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sorry Feeling like a horrible mom

I recently split up with my son's father for many reasons. He wasnt good for or to the kids or myself. I had to put the kids in R Club, a befor and after care program at school.
my issue is that i have to wake them up at 5 30 , 5 45 am to drop them off at 6 30am.
They love R Club because of the kids and fun they have there but they hate getting up sooo early! Understandable, I hate it too!!!
I have to be at work at 7am so I cant bring the any later then that. Ive had this job for 5 years now & in this economy it would be really risky leaving it.
Am I a bad mom for doing this to them?
They did nothing but complain that The "EX" was bad to them, and they didnt want him around when he was there but of course kids dont seem to remember the bad things when he is bringing over McDonalds and puppys every other week now!!! The say If he came home they would not have to get up early anymore. ( BTW "they" are 10, 7 and 6 y.o.) I know they arent mature enough to understand what they are asking for but It doesnt help my feelings of guilt.
any advice?
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Old 01-18-2011, 06:52 PM   #2
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Default Re: Feeling like a horrible mom

UGH I went through this when I first had t put mine into before/afterschool care when we lived in MA. Honestly, it was all fine. SO many other kids are there, have you asked them or discussed that? I bet they all hate waking early, as do the teachers. And guess what, if dad came home they would miss all the great stuff there and have to live thruogh all that other miserable stuff still.

I don't have wonderful advice for you except to keep on keeping on with what you are doing;. Our job isn't always fun and we are often the bad guy, but it sounds like you have a great/steady job and in this economy that is something to be very thankful for.

Keep on reminding them what you working gives them. Food, clothing, shelter, and I bet a whole lot of other things, toys, special snacks, outtings... etc.

Dad is now nothing but fun-guy. he doesnt' have to take care of them while working, do homework, get them to dr. appts, tell them they need their shots, etc. It sucks but as they get older they become much more understanding of the situation and once in awhile actually show a tad bit of thankfulness for our badguy characters

One thing not to do is make changes to appease the kids. They are much more difficult to reverse when you realize you can't get another job, you've lost your spot in teh R-Care program, etc. etc. STICK WITH IT!
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Old 01-18-2011, 06:54 PM   #3
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Default Re: Feeling like a horrible mom

It's life...... kids are always going to complain. I had to get up and have my daughter at the before/after care at 6:45 am when I was working and going to school...... It's life and the sooner they find that out, the better off they are. They are with friends, doing activities. what would they being doing at home? Being aggravated by a guy they didn't like to begin with..... or saying, "I'm bored." The fact is that we can't all be stay at home mom's. You are doing your best and teaching them that sometimes a family has to ALL sacrafice, even if it sucks, but that is what families do.

---------- Post added at 02:54 PM ---------- Previous post was at 02:53 PM ----------

Oh, and for the 10 year old, it's preparing them for middle school! LOL. My daughter gets up early now to catch the bus, or if I take her, to do homework club.... Life.......
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Old 01-18-2011, 07:23 PM   #4
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Default Re: Feeling like a horrible mom

LSL I was going to mention that. The middle school bus arrives at 7a.m. She's getting up at about 6:15 unless she doesn't shower the night before and wants to shower in the morning. Another year and we'll always be getting up at 5:30 -- especially next year with 3 going, EWWW.
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Old 01-18-2011, 07:43 PM   #5
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Default Re: Feeling like a horrible mom

Guilt always goes with being a mom period. The others are right, they will adjust, and they will complain no matter what. Just remember, if they pick up that you feel bad about it then they will think it must be bad if you feel guilty and on and on the cycle will go. Just tell them it was it is and you are going to have to make the best of it. Then come cry to us when you feel bad
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Old 01-19-2011, 12:34 AM   #6
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Default Re: Feeling like a horrible mom

Agreed. It stinks feeling guilty about the negative changes that occur as a result of a separation from the spouse, but the trade-off is SO worth it for all of you.
And yeah, he's being the fun parent now, and that just adds to how you're feeling- but in the long run, you are the parent who has done what you had to for your family to be healthy.
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Old 01-19-2011, 03:39 AM   #7
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Default Re: Feeling like a horrible mom

Quote:
Originally Posted by Re-Mom View Post
UGH I went through this when I first had t put mine into before/afterschool care when we lived in MA. Honestly, it was all fine. SO many other kids are there, have you asked them or discussed that? I bet they all hate waking early, as do the teachers. And guess what, if dad came home they would miss all the great stuff there and have to live thruogh all that other miserable stuff still.

I don't have wonderful advice for you except to keep on keeping on with what you are doing;. Our job isn't always fun and we are often the bad guy, but it sounds like you have a great/steady job and in this economy that is something to be very thankful for.

Keep on reminding them what you working gives them. Food, clothing, shelter, and I bet a whole lot of other things, toys, special snacks, outtings... etc.

Dad is now nothing but fun-guy. he doesnt' have to take care of them while working, do homework, get them to dr. appts, tell them they need their shots, etc. It sucks but as they get older they become much more understanding of the situation and once in awhile actually show a tad bit of thankfulness for our badguy characters

One thing not to do is make changes to appease the kids. They are much more difficult to reverse when you realize you can't get another job, you've lost your spot in teh R-Care program, etc. etc. STICK WITH IT!
you took the words right outta my mouth, well said!
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Old 01-19-2011, 04:44 AM   #8
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Default Re: Feeling like a horrible mom

I agree with the others. I have slipped into doing things in the reverse to appease my kids because of guilt and it just backfires badly. Because then they have the ability to use a guilt trip on you...mine are older and my oldest son is the middle child...he is almost 14. He is sharp as a tack and has no qualms on speaking his mind about somethings that bug him if I change and get wishy washy. It is hard and the guilt is heavy. My oldest is 16 and it is nice because she now understands alot more and sees things through older eyes and realizes my choices better and better all the time. Life is hard, no use sugar coating it. It will only get harder too with how the economy is and how fast paced society has become. No one else out there will stop and give breaks....our kids need to beable to be strong. It sounds like you are doing your best and you need to just pat yourself on the back....you are accomplishing what is necessary to raise some awesome kids
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Old 01-19-2011, 06:40 AM   #9
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Default Re: Feeling like a horrible mom

Im sure the kids will adjust, its just one of those things, you gotta do what you gotta do.
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Old 01-19-2011, 06:43 PM   #10
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Default Re: Feeling like a horrible mom

Thank you for all the great advice!!!!
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Old 01-19-2011, 06:51 PM   #11
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Default Re: Feeling like a horrible mom

Just make sure you're putting them in bed early enough - they should be getting 9-10 hours of sleep a night.
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Old 01-19-2011, 09:35 PM   #12
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Default Re: Feeling like a horrible mom

good advice has already been given....I'm discovering though, for my kids that they need closer to 11 or 11 1/2 hours of sleep....which really cuts our evenings short, but otherwise they are inattentive in school.
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