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Old 11-14-2016, 06:36 PM   #1
kmt22
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Unhappy Please Help

i am 20 years old and 8 weeks pregnant from a one night stand, I was on birth control so obviously this was a mistake, but abortion isn't an option for me. Since I was 13 I've struggled with depression so I know aborting would destroy me. I was raised in a christian home, but as soon as I told my dad he immediately told me to abort and soon after my mom agreed with him. I have for sure done some dumb things in the past but I am ready to take leave that behind and take on this responsibility. But they are making it very hard for me mentally and emotionally. My dad has told me how selfish my decision is, and accused me of doing this on purpose and told me he feels bad for the dad. My mom didn't have sex till she was married and is kinda "prude" (idk if that's the right word to use here), and has told me I need to be "checked in somewhere for my sexual behavior" and that she knows I'm not capable of being a mom. She's even told me that she would be concerned about the welfare of my child. Everything they've said has hurt me so much. I am not a partier, I don't drink or go out I literally go to work and go home every day. I am not a bad person, but they are really getting into my head. I think part of the problem is that the baby is bi-racial and my parents are not okay with that. I've been kicked out before for being with a black guy. My dad has told me if I don't get an abortion then I need to find a new place to live. I'm really stressed and overwhelmed. I got a new job in an office but I will still only be making $10/hr. I know there are family members that are willing to help me. Is it wrong of me to have this baby even though I'm young and not in a perfect position to have it? I know there are a lot of programs that could help me. I don't want to regret anything.
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Old 11-14-2016, 07:59 PM   #2
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Default Re: Please Help

Welcome to SFV

Not sure there is ever a perfect position. May appear that way....

You're the only one who can make this decision, as hard as it is. A lot of us have done it, regardless of the why, we're single parents and a lot of us have done it for a long time.

____ yes it's hard at times. But it also has it's rewards.

I hope you find and surround yourself with people who are supportive of you and your decision(s), and your baby, without judging.

This place has been quiet lately. Hang in there. I doubt your parents reaction to the situation is going to change. Hopefully it will but you have to consider it may not.

I wish I had more clarity to offer...words escape me at the moment
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Old 11-14-2016, 09:00 PM   #3
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Default Re: Please Help

Quote:
Originally Posted by Woodsimply View Post
Welcome to SFV

Not sure there is ever a perfect position. May appear that way....

You're the only one who can make this decision, as hard as it is. A lot of us have done it, regardless of the why, we're single parents and a lot of us have done it for a long time.

____ yes it's hard at times. But it also has it's rewards.

I hope you find and surround yourself with people who are supportive of you and your decision(s), and your baby, without judging.

This place has been quiet lately. Hang in there. I doubt your parents reaction to the situation is going to change. Hopefully it will but you have to consider it may not.

I wish I had more clarity to offer...words escape me at the moment
Thank you for that, even getting a response makes me feel less alone! I have been reaching out to extended family that supports me and knows how my parents are. I'm hoping some of this stress and worry goes away for a while
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Old 11-17-2016, 01:53 AM   #4
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Default Re: Please Help

I'm so sorry to hear what your going through! I wish I could help you out some how and wasn't so far from where you are. Have you looked in to adoption? There are plenty of agencies made up of loving people that are set up to help people such as yourself in such a difficult position. Please just know that you aren't alone! If you ever need to talk about things, feel free to message me.
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Old 11-17-2016, 07:44 AM   #5
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Default Re: Please Help

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Originally Posted by BlueSkies View Post
I'm so sorry to hear what your going through! I wish I could help you out some how and wasn't so far from where you are. Have you looked in to adoption? There are plenty of agencies made up of loving people that are set up to help people such as yourself in such a difficult position. Please just know that you aren't alone! If you ever need to talk about things, feel free to message me.
I have thought about it, but I think it would be so hard:/
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Old 11-17-2016, 11:36 AM   #6
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Default Re: Please Help

I understand. There is no emotionally easy alternative, now though.
Being a single mom is difficult, but doable. Just realize that it will affect yours and your child's life for the rest of your lives. But think about what will be the best for both of you, not for your parents--for you two. There is help out there! Don't isolate yourself or give up! You are strong and you can do this. I do want to remind you that there ARE beautiful parents out there who are hurting deeply to raise a child of their own and are ready to give that child the resources of a loving and nurturing life. I actually have several friends who are not able to have a baby right now, and they struggle every day with the disappointment. I just want you to be aware of that and maybe even take comfort in that? I don't want to pressure you into anything, though. Just know that you ARE in charge, and there is help beyond the pressures and fears of your immediate family. Please don't let someone else threaten you into a choice that you don't want to make. ❤️
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Old 11-17-2016, 12:27 PM   #7
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Default Re: Please Help

Quote:
Originally Posted by kmt22 View Post
I have thought about it, but I think it would be so hard:/
I think all of the choices you have are hard. Whatever choice you make, make sure it's yours and you don't feel like anyone bullied you into it. With that, it seems abortion is out and your parents need to respect that.

As for adoption vs. raising the child alone? The best way to look at it is the kid's point of view. If they're adopted they might always wonder about you, but they're also likely to get in a good stable home that wants the child badly. If they're raised by you alone? Well, it's up to you to write that story, but I'll tell you it was very difficult. If you look at some of my older posts you'll see how much I had to pour my whole life into my kid, only to feel like I was always still failing him in some way. I can't say adoption was ever a choice for me (I married his mother when she was pregnant), but I can't imagine my son having grown up without knowing him. If I look at it from his side, however, how can I know he wouldn't be in a better place today if he'd been raised by a two-parent household and maybe even siblings? I can't know that obviously, but I can say I did the best I could.

Good luck with your decision. Does the father know that you are pregnant?
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Old 11-22-2016, 12:29 AM   #8
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Default Re: Please Help

There is never a good time to have a child. It sounds to me like you already know what you want to do. So what if your parents are jerks, so what if you don't have fancy things?

As my child once said to me, "I looked at all the bellies I could grow in and I picked yours because I love you"

Need I say more?
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Old 02-05-2017, 11:40 PM   #9
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Default Re: Please Help

Right now i would take it one day at a time .your the only one that knows whats best for you and the baby no matter what your choices are you will have to find the strength within yourself to decide what to do
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Old 02-07-2017, 04:46 PM   #10
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Default Re: Please Help

My colleague from college had a baby when he was about your age and he sad that getting a baby in the early age was the best thing in the world. In the beginning was hard but after the time went by he became more responsible in his life.
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Old 04-03-2017, 12:26 AM   #11
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Default Re: Please Help

Quote:
Originally Posted by kmt22 View Post
i am 20 years old and 8 weeks pregnant from a one night stand, I was on birth control so obviously this was a mistake, but abortion isn't an option for me. Since I was 13 I've struggled with depression so I know aborting would destroy me. I was raised in a christian home, but as soon as I told my dad he immediately told me to abort and soon after my mom agreed with him. I have for sure done some dumb things in the past but I am ready to take leave that behind and take on this responsibility. But they are making it very hard for me mentally and emotionally. My dad has told me how selfish my decision is, and accused me of doing this on purpose and told me he feels bad for the dad. My mom didn't have sex till she was married and is kinda "prude" (idk if that's the right word to use here), and has told me I need to be "checked in somewhere for my sexual behavior" and that she knows I'm not capable of being a mom. She's even told me that she would be concerned about the welfare of my child. Everything they've said has hurt me so much. I am not a partier, I don't drink or go out I literally go to work and go home every day. I am not a bad person, but they are really getting into my head. I think part of the problem is that the baby is bi-racial and my parents are not okay with that. I've been kicked out before for being with a black guy. My dad has told me if I don't get an abortion then I need to find a new place to live. I'm really stressed and overwhelmed. I got a new job in an office but I will still only be making $10/hr. I know there are family members that are willing to help me. Is it wrong of me to have this baby even though I'm young and not in a perfect position to have it? I know there are a lot of programs that could help me. I don't want to regret anything.
Hi kmt22. I don't know if you are still on this site or if you can still get responses to this post or what. I'm new to SFV and I have NO IDEA how this works. But a little over a year ago when you posted this, I was in a similar situation.
I was pregnant. My parents believed I was still a virgin. I come from a strict, Republican Christian family household. Telling them... was so scary but I manned up and did it. I was lucky enough that the worst thing they did was tell me that they were disappointed. But they were excited to have a grandchild. But, I rarely see or even speak to my father for various reasons. I moved back in with my mother, who told everyone that I was practically a teen mom. I was 23 when I got pregnant. She blamed me for what happened and told me how horrible I was for what I did. She... is not the greatest person to be around sometimes and doesn't hesitate to say something really mean and horrible.
But I had to be tough. I had to take care of my daughter. So I did move in with her, however humiliating it was to move back in with my mother at my age. After I had been independent for so long. And I take the abuse. I am a nanny now, which is part time and I make a little over $1000 a month. It's hard, but at least I can take care of my daughter. I don't really have anyone to talk to, but I will make it because I have her. I am taking classes to become a RE agent so I can get out of this dead end job so that I can provide for her.
Take the help from those who will help you. It will be humbling, but right now, you have to do what you can to protect your child. Good luck! You will make it.
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