Wild Dancing Thanksgivng Turkey Very complicated/ex is illegal - Single Parents Forum: Single Family Voices
All forums, topics and discussions are geared to single parents and the issues faced with single parenting.
Support a single parent today and one will support you back!
         


Go Back   Single Parents Forum: Single Family Voices >
(``'·.¸(``'·.¸ Single Parenting - Issues ¸.·'´´)¸.·'´´)
> Law & Legal Issues

Notices


~ Donate Today ~ PLEASE
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 07-17-2014, 11:58 PM   #1
Duped Female
I am New
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 2
Rep Power: 0
Duped is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Very complicated/ex is illegal

Hi there. I'm very new here so please bear with this long post...

I'm a 41 yo single mom. I have a very good career, work hard and consider myself to be a fairly intelligent person. Two plus years ago I met my ex. As is usually the case, sparks flew, we loved each other, etc. I got pregnant. Lost the baby 4 months in. We were devastated. Very shortly afterwards I found out the ex was here illegally. Bear in mind I had asked him on multiple occasions if there were any issues in that area as he is foreign. H assured me that everything was on the up and up and told me more than once he was here in the Us legally. That should have been the end. It wasn't. I loved this person and to top it off we had just gone through an awful ordeal. I was emotionally invested. I told him I wouldn't leave so long as he never asked me to contribute to anything illegal. He works, runs his own business, doesn't drink and generally keeps to himself. H does have a nasty temper. Fast forward 4 months and I'm pregnant again. Long story short I left while pregnant because of our constant bickering and fighting, his lack of emotional support with the pregnancy and the fact that he was just so angry that I refused to register a vehicle in my name for him (among other things).

He was around after I left mostly because I wanted our daughter to know her father. He is on the birth cert and we both signed the parentage document. He has, in the last year, made my life a living ____.

Daughter had reflux, colic, allergies. Ex couldn't deal so when he did visit he never stayed longer than a couple hours at a time unless I pleaded for some help. When he did come it was always when he felt like it, often unannounced and never with anything for the baby (diapers and the like). I've basically been a single mom since before she was born.

We started fighting about visitation and custody and support in December 2013. It's been long enough already and I'm losing my mind. I don't want visits at his home because he is here illegally, has a false identity I found out about, has been arrested for driving without a license, refuses to childproof, won't purchase basic items for her care, has no sleeping arrangement for her to nap and pretty much knows nothing of her routine. So visits have been at my house. I'm ok with that, provided he gets on a regular schedule and stops just showing up at my house when he feels like it. As for support, he paid it initially and then each time we fought he would skip it or decrease it as he saw fit. We sat down with lawyers over a month ago to nail out a few terms and followed up in writing. To date he has done nothing on that list yet insists that i produce daughter at his home. Oh and he has not paid any of the support we agreed to since that meeting.

He runs a business but doesnt report all of his income. hard to prove as he is in the trades. he has cars but they are registered to other people. He hides money and doesnt put much in the bank.

Her birthday just passed last week. I had 2 birthday parties and invited him to both. He didn't show up for either. When he arrived here Sunday he hadn't a card or anything for his daughter and didn't even acknowledge that she had a birthday. Nothing. Just wow!

He is mean, spiteful, emotionally abusive and certainly not doing anything in daughters best interests. He is simply pulling games to spite me. It's pretty unfair to daughter. Part of me wants to call immigration and report him but I know that isn't fair to daughter. It isn't my place to do it.

I've had my lawyer file papers for support, visitation and sole legal and physical custody to me. My question is this:

Given his immigration status, arrests, flight risk and general character what is the likelihood that he will be given any form of custody? I'm sick to death just thinking about it.

Thoughts???
Duped is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-18-2014, 02:31 AM   #2
LSL Female
The blunt one;)


 
LSL's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Somewhere on the left coast
Posts: 11,334
Rep Power: 410
LSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support Legend
Default Re: Very complicated/ex is illegal

Custody... Doubtful. Parenting time unsupervised.... Probable. In my state immigration status has nothing to do with parenting time. Custody is another matter.
__________________
“If your expectations aren’t to be the best, then… you know, nobody rises to low expectations.” - Chip Kelly, coach of Oregon Football.
LSL is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-18-2014, 01:21 PM   #3
DaddyCakes Male
The Other White Meat!

 
DaddyCakes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: The Great South-Left!
Posts: 2,479
Rep Power: 151
DaddyCakes Is Rocken These Boards With SupportDaddyCakes Is Rocken These Boards With SupportDaddyCakes Is Rocken These Boards With SupportDaddyCakes Is Rocken These Boards With SupportDaddyCakes Is Rocken These Boards With SupportDaddyCakes Is Rocken These Boards With SupportDaddyCakes Is Rocken These Boards With SupportDaddyCakes Is Rocken These Boards With Support
Default Re: Very complicated/ex is illegal

As LSL Said...

One other thing, Aparently he's not to bright!
He could use the child to become legal...if he wanted. Then the whole thing could change around if he gets a legal status.

Anchor Babies are really common here in So California. Generally it's an Illegal mom comes across the border, has the child in a US hospital, and the child is a US Citizen so mom gets to stay. I would imagine that men could do the same thing.
__________________
Repeat after me.....Alba Gu Brath!
DaddyCakes is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-18-2014, 01:57 PM   #4
LSL Female
The blunt one;)


 
LSL's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Somewhere on the left coast
Posts: 11,334
Rep Power: 410
LSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support Legend
Default Re: Very complicated/ex is illegal

He could use the child to stay. Especially if he has legally established parenting time order. I have had undocumented clients do this on several occasions.

---------- Post added at 09:57 AM ---------- Previous post was at 09:54 AM ----------

And let me back up one minute... unsupervised visits are probable from most countries. If your ex is from countries were he could flee and the State Department could do nothing (like Iran, or Brazil, or some others), then there is an argument to be made. The thing is that the passport laws make it almost impossible to escape with a child.. though we all know we can get in and out of countries fairly easily.
__________________
“If your expectations aren’t to be the best, then… you know, nobody rises to low expectations.” - Chip Kelly, coach of Oregon Football.
LSL is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-21-2014, 08:56 AM   #5
Duped Female
I am New
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 2
Rep Power: 0
Duped is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Re: Very complicated/ex is illegal

Hi there

I've read quite a bit on anchor babies and I did speak with an immigration attorney here in Boston. My ex has not been and is not now the primary caregiver. If he were to be deported, in order for him to stay solely on the basis of having a child here, he would need to prove that there would be hardship if he left and the criteria for that are fairly strict. There wouldnt be undue hardship inflicted on daughter or me as I support the two of us. So Im less concerned about that part.

Visitation isn't an issue for me. I'm not trying to keep daughter and father apart. I think they should have a relationship I've worked with him to establish a routine and schedule for that. Unfortunately, my ex seems to think it's fine to just come ad go as he pleases without any sort of schedule, depending on his own work schedule. What I would like, and what daughter needs, is consistent, scheduled time with her father.

My biggest concern is the custody piece. That is what's keeping me up at night.
Duped is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-21-2014, 01:41 PM   #6
LSL Female
The blunt one;)


 
LSL's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Somewhere on the left coast
Posts: 11,334
Rep Power: 410
LSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support Legend
Default Re: Very complicated/ex is illegal

Uh, that piece of information on anchor babies is in direct contradiction to information that the immigration attorney in my office gave me. I often represent parents here illegally in custody and parenting time issues.... if the child is here, and there is a custodial/parenting time agreement through the courts, the illegal parent stands 99% chance of staying. Given it is federal law, which is consistent, wonder why there is this divergence in opinion. It's neither here or there, but just a curiosity the legal mind in me wants to know.

Custody goes to the primary caretaker unless he/she is proven unfit. I doubt you are going to have that issue. Sleep easy.
__________________
“If your expectations aren’t to be the best, then… you know, nobody rises to low expectations.” - Chip Kelly, coach of Oregon Football.
LSL is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-06-2014, 12:30 AM   #7
Honey21 Female
I am New
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Ontario
Posts: 10
Rep Power: 0
Honey21 is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Re: Very complicated/ex is illegal

Dont worry, make the right decisions.
Honey21 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes


Resources: youngrobin.com
Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Illegal Adoption-WV Brina2013 Adoption 14 06-28-2013 08:27 PM
This is complicated Sprinklergal Mentally Unfit Other Biological Parent Support 5 09-10-2010 07:30 AM
is it illegal? looney911 Massachusetts 3 06-18-2005 01:22 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 06:52 AM.

Some parent places to visit:
A Single Parents
Parent Arium
Solo Parents
Single Parent Personal Ads



Go Like Us On Facebook = facebook.com/SoloParent
Go Like Us On Facebook = facebook.com/SingleParentsInformation
Powered by vbulletin

All forums, topics and discussions are geared to single parents and the issues faced with single parenting.
Support a single parent today and one will support you back!

A Community for single parents, step parents and blended families

Disclaimer Under Section 107 of the Copyright Act 1976, allowance is made for "fair use" for purposes such as criticism, comment, news reporting, teaching, scholarship, and research. Fair use is a use permitted by copyright statute that might otherwise be infringing. Non-profit, educational or personal use tips the balance in favor of fair use.