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Old 01-20-2014, 03:54 PM   #1
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humm Counseling with the ex (LSL?)

Okay, so has anyone on here done counseling to try and improve communication??

I spoke with my lawyer and he recommended giving it a go, saying that at best, things simmer down, and at worst, I have proof of the ex being totally unreasonable and unreliable.

In the meantime we will be working on a motion to modify the parenting time to include at least these provisions:

1. Ex is to communicate solely via email with me at provided email addresses.

2. Ex is to inform me 24 hours ahead of time to use parenting time, or the time is forfeit.

3. Wednesday hours are modified to concur with the child R's bedtime.

So, my question to y'all is, is the counseling even worth it? LSL is there a legal argument to be made for attempting it?

My big stoppers for the counseling are:

1. The ex outright lies and makes things up to seem sympathetic.

2. Cost- I will almost assuredly be bearing the cost of these sessions, as I am the only one with insurance and the ex is not even meeting his obligations for R.

Appreciate thoughts as always....
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Old 01-20-2014, 04:16 PM   #2
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Default Re: Counseling with the ex (LSL?)

I wish my ex would go to counseling to learn to communicate. Of course she walked out of counseling before the divorce and she won't communicate now.
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Old 01-20-2014, 04:20 PM   #3
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Default Re: Counseling with the ex (LSL?)

Yes, I am not even sure the ex would attend, or if he did attend, that he'd attend regularly.
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Old 01-20-2014, 05:38 PM   #4
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Default Re: Counseling with the ex (LSL?)

This usually is a horrible idea with someone like your ex.
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Old 01-20-2014, 05:40 PM   #5
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Default Re: Counseling with the ex (LSL?)

That is how I feel and I know I'd pay for it!!
So.

I kind of want to tell my lawyer I just can't do it.
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Old 01-20-2014, 06:41 PM   #6
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Default Re: Counseling with the ex (LSL?)

Nah, it will only stress you out more, and waste your money.
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Old 01-20-2014, 07:07 PM   #7
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Default Re: Counseling with the ex (LSL?)

Did it and it didn't work. Lasted maybe 2 months. Our last session, Big John (horse) slapped ex in the face with his tail
Best session ever.
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Old 01-20-2014, 08:04 PM   #8
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Default Re: Counseling with the ex (LSL?)

Do not do counseling with an abuser. It will not work. Ugh! Just another platform for him to manipulate and get to you. In order for counseling to work, there needs to be a fundamental willingness to change. Your ex does not have that, and forcing him to via court order will not make him do that, either.

In our state, we have coparenting counselors which help mediate communication. There are pros and cons to it, but it's covered by insurance. Some coparenting counselors meet parents together, some meet individually, it's up to the situation.

I absolutely agree that you should only communicate by text and email. !
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Old 01-20-2014, 09:07 PM   #9
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Default Re: Counseling with the ex (LSL?)

I doubt it would work in your case. My ex and I were both ordered to take co-parenting classes by the judge over a year ago. I took one and sent in my documentation. To my knowledge my ex has not, mostly judging from the hilarious and weird times he yells at me about how I am NOT co parenting with him. His examples are bizarre and don't really make sense.

The problem is our ex's don't actually care about co-parenting in real life. Only when whining to their new girl friends or their moms do they sound like they care. Otherwise they would have put these petty issues behind them and moved on.
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Old 01-20-2014, 09:23 PM   #10
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Default Re: Counseling with the ex (LSL?)

Quote:
Originally Posted by outinthsticks View Post

The problem is our ex's don't actually care about co-parenting in real life. Only when whining to their new girl friends or their moms do they sound like they care. Otherwise they would have put these petty issues behind them and moved on.
So true!
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Old 01-20-2014, 10:22 PM   #11
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Default Re: Counseling with the ex (LSL?)

Well he told me he wouldn't do it with or without a court order tonight. He also apparently thinks when I am hospitalized after my c section he can file for emergency temporary custody "until I can take care of myself again".
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Old 01-20-2014, 10:31 PM   #12
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Default Re: Counseling with the ex (LSL?)

I'm sure it works for some.....but given your exs track record, it would be a waste of time. He might attend the first session thinking he has the forum to bad mouth you......and then realise "it just isn't working for him".
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Old 01-20-2014, 10:31 PM   #13
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Default Re: Counseling with the ex (LSL?)

Omg...what an arse!
Has he always been so eager for custody?
I want to scream for you!
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Old 01-21-2014, 11:12 AM   #14
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Default Re: Counseling with the ex (LSL?)

I did it, I even asked for it to be court ordered. It will benefit me because it was through the court, and they will be part of this case. They found pretty much what everyone does, that he is very uncompromising unless it benefits him, and controlling. His refusal to sign the parental agreement to work things out in the end will also count against him. Actually my lawyer is hoping this pisses the judge off.

As far as what it was supposed to do, Nope. Ex didn't change a bit, still didn't compromise on anything.

If there is something through the courts, like the program I did, I might suggest it, but just private counseling, you just cant force someone to go.

As far as him being manipulative, Most Dr's can see through it. All but one of the kids Dr's have seen through his manipulations in my case. He is great on paper, not so great in person.

As far as emergency temp custody. Dont worry yourself about that. So far fetched. You will be fine after a few days. Takes about 3-4 days before you can get around pretty well again. He seems to think you'll be incapacitated for a couple months?

Last edited by mommarose; 01-21-2014 at 11:15 AM. Reason: adding something
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Old 01-21-2014, 12:30 PM   #15
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Default Re: Counseling with the ex (LSL?)

I wouldn't say he is eager for custody.... more eager in thinking of ways to hurt and/or punish me. Because I don't really think he wants R full time. He just wants to hurt me, and knows taking R is the way to do it.

MR, I think there is a court ordered program available, I have seen it in Ohio case law. I will have to check into it. If it's court ordered, they will probably order us to share costs, yes? So another bill for him to let go into contempt.

The emergency temp custody is a joke. In a way I hope that he goes for it because it is just another thing that will then be on the record of him being petty, vindictive and mean. When I explained that I wanted R to be able to see the baby so it wasn't a nasty surprise upon coming home, etc (because initially he said that he wanted to have him from the 3rd through the 5th) and that my father would come pick him up, he laughed and said "You can't really expect me to feel anything like sympathy for you when I had to sit in the parking lot while my son was born".

Boo hoo cry me a river, maybe if you weren't STILL calling me a as I was giving birth you could have been there sooner.... or maybe if you hadn't hit me, bullied me etc for my whole pregnancy...

But I got that on recording so that should pretty clearly show his motives.
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Old 01-21-2014, 04:19 PM   #16
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Default Re: Counseling with the ex (LSL?)

Yes probably you would both be responsible for payment, we were. We were responsible seperately though, so if either one of us had not paid, it would not have been the other's responsibility. You would just have to check into it and find out how its handled.
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Old 04-26-2014, 09:51 AM   #17
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Default Re: Counseling with the ex (LSL?)

Could you get a state counselor? Those are usually cheaper and they are able to answer to the court system and are totally unbiased so he couldn't come up later saying that you were friends or you chose that counselor because he/she was sympathetic to you. And I don't blame you for not wanting to pay though if you do go through with this you might want to include counseling for you child and J. The thing is you want a view on all fronts how your child see the biological father how the child views J there is going to be a huge difference. And the judge needs to know this as well not to mention it will help your child later on if they have counseling earlier in life they learn to communicate better!
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