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Old 01-13-2016, 11:15 PM   #1
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worship Consensual Adult Adoption

Not really an issue - more of a legal question...

Psychological parent of a now 24yo wonderful daughter. Met her mom when she (daughter) was 1yo and bio father was not in the pic, so I took the role - and have never regretted it. Daughter and I have a great bond and even though she was told the truth at 13yo, we are still dad and daughter to each other.

I had reasons in the past for not adopting her, but now it feels like something left undone - a step I should have taken. I briefly looked into it, and even asked her how she felt about it. She was ecstatic and agreed (she would even want to change her last name to mine...LOL).

I found that going through a lawyer would be around $1500. Is there a way to perform a consensual adult adoption without using a lawyer? Is it just a paperwork thing?

Any help/suggestions/tips/advice would be greatly appreciated...
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Old 01-14-2016, 12:16 AM   #2
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Default Re: Consensual Adult Adoption

Hi lds dad, welcome to SFV!!! Yes, depending on our jurisdiction it shouldn't be too hard because she is now an adult. my deceased father did that with me when I had my daughter...it was so wonderful for my daughter to have an official grandfather! Such a great idea.

Do you have a local law library? They may have the forms...or does your family court have a self-help center? When I have more time I'll take a look at your state's legal resources...

Should be okay to do yourself!! Congratulations on this exciting venture!
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Old 01-14-2016, 12:28 AM   #3
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Default Re: Consensual Adult Adoption

Thanks very much, bluewave, for the response. I will start looking around for those local resources. My only hangup is... she lives in NY, I'm in So Jersey. I'm assuming I would start the ball rolling from where I am, and send her anything she needs to fill out/sign to send back(?)
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Old 01-14-2016, 03:25 AM   #4
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Default Re: Consensual Adult Adoption

Actually, you may be able to do it in her state, if you check her state resources that could be helpful. Or you could get the forms from her state and have her fill it out, hen the next time you visit her, you could do it. It just depends on what each of your states allow. My adopted dad lived in a different state, he had the paperwork filled out by an attorney in my state, then when they came to visit we went down to the courthouse. The attorney we used didn't charge that much, and it was just peace of mind that he got us to sign everything and got it ready for court and figured out the court date to be sure that it coincided with his visit. At the time my daughter was just 1, I was working full time, so I was too busy to figure it out myself, but it was fairy straightforward and I think I could have figured it out, just needed the time to do it which I didin't have!

If I were you, I'd look into a local law library and ask them if they have any legal resources regarding adoption...our state has an adoption manual that was put together by the state bar association, maybe your library would have something similar. I'm about to go to bed now, so if I have time tomorrow, I'll look into what kind of law libraries are in New Jersey?
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Old 01-14-2016, 01:19 PM   #5
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Default Re: Consensual Adult Adoption

Hey ldsdad, I just read your introduction post...out of curiosity, is the mother of thee daughter you're trying to adopt the woman you separated from and having a custody dispute with the son...? I hope not...sorry, I just didn't want to be encouraging something like that in a middle of a conflict...think it would be hard on the kids...
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Old 01-15-2016, 11:45 AM   #6
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Default Re: Consensual Adult Adoption

Hi, bluewave. First off...thanks much for all of your responses - over all the threads. You seem to be *everywhere*. LOL.

No, daughter's mom is a previous relationship from 20-some years ago. Ended pretty civilly and she's married now. No animosity there. More recently found out from my daughter that even though she was only 5 when they moved back to NY (from here in SJ), she always considered this "home" and always felt she should be here (there's some buried anger over the whole issue about them having to go back to NY - family stuff on their end). It was *that* conversation that got me thinking about doing this...
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Old 01-15-2016, 01:26 PM   #7
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Default Re: Consensual Adult Adoption

Hahahaha, yes...I do respond as much as I can when I'm online... This board was so helpful for me when I was going through my crazy divorce/custody battle, and is still helpful when I encounter new challenges from my ex.

Glad to hear you have a positive relationship with your (step)daughter!! I hope the adoption works out and congratulations to you!!

After my adoption, we had such a nice celebratory dinner...it was really special, I still remember it to this day. Sadly, my dad passed away two years afterwards, so I'm just glad we were able to make it official before that happened. Good luck to you!

P.s I promise there are other people on this board, they have great advice and I look up to them as true veterans of the divorce craziness. They've taught me a lot!
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Old 01-15-2016, 02:01 PM   #8
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Default Re: Consensual Adult Adoption

Welcome to our hide out!

Interesting topic. I grew up with bunches of Foster siblings. My parents had around 150.... mostly newborns that needed safe place till permanent arrangements could be made. A few were teens. A very few kinda "stuck" we even adopted one new born officially.
I never had thought about Adult Adoptions thou.

Defiantly food for thought.

Good luck!
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Old 01-15-2016, 02:04 PM   #9
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Default Re: Consensual Adult Adoption

I think it is a wonderful, sweet gesture for you to adopt her. I don't think it is a big deal when adopting an adult. Might be a lot of paperwork? But definitely worth it.
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