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Old 09-19-2013, 04:19 PM   #1
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Default Let It Go or Keep Trying

As previously mentioned, NCP and I went to court. He was awarded parenting time by Indiana guidelines, joint custody, and for me to change our daughters last name to his.

I was pretty sure visitation would go that way. Indiana is apparently fond of joint custody if father acts like he wants to be involved so I dont see that they will aware me sole custody since he is not abusive or anything.

However, I am extremely upset with the decision to change her last name from mine to his. This makes absolutely no sense to me! I want to fight the judges decision but I dont know if it is worth it or im just going to waste my time and money.

I spoke with my lawyer and he said he doesnt think its worth it for me to fight it because the Judge basically gets to choose which last name the baby gets and he doesnt belive the appellete court will over rule her decision. I dont really feel that he fought very hard for what I wanted in court because he just assumed it was going to go a certain way and there was no point fighting it.

With that said I dont know if he is right and I should just leave it alone because they wont change it or if I should continue to fight to change her last name back to mine. If I am going to fight it Im thinking I will need a new lawyer to do so.

Advice? Oppinions? I need all I can get please.
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Old 09-19-2013, 05:36 PM   #2
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Default Re: Let It Go or Keep Trying

Given that exs often drag their feet on matters and never seem to suffer consequences, what happens if you just don't get around to it? It might be contempt but will the ex truly push for this? I'm not suggesting this is a legal remedy but it seems exs can ignore what they want all the time! Why not give some of it back?
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Old 09-19-2013, 07:03 PM   #3
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Default Re: Let It Go or Keep Trying

The more of us that fight that, the more judges who may think on it a bit. It is MUcH easier on a single CP to have the child have the same last name and, I definitely believe easier for the child, too. Less explanation, less annoyance ....
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Old 09-19-2013, 10:54 PM   #4
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Default Re: Let It Go or Keep Trying

I agree that this is a very important issue--in fact, I didn't change my name so i could share my children's name for the time being. Maybe one day I'll change mine.

At the same time, I wonder about taking on the judge's ruling, too. My state's family court is pretty much has the final say when judgments are entered. On appeal there has to be a seriously gross error--i.e. full custody given to an incarcerated person, etc, for things to be overturned.... I think at the very most--you need to find an attorney with a lot of experience who can answer this question for you honestly. Do you have the funds to sink into this battle? Would your ex fight hard against you?

Just a thought--when was the judgment ordered? If it falls into the 'reconsideration' timeline--perhaps your attorney could file a motion to reconsider just that part of the ruling. Then it's not a complete formal appeal...here i think it's 30 days from when the ruling is filed...

Then again, i'm not an attorney, so please be sure to consult a real one!
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Old 09-19-2013, 11:04 PM   #5
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Default Re: Let It Go or Keep Trying

Think of a friends mom trying to look the parent up in the phone book or on Facebook...or anywhere, even class list. There are many many small but important reasons to have the same name. I do not and it has made it more difficult and all of my girls have questioned this many times as well as have communicated their wish that our last names were the same.

I say fight it...not sure if you will win, but maybe he won't show up that day!
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Old 09-20-2013, 10:50 AM   #6
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Default Re: Let It Go or Keep Trying

Ok so I think I am going to do a motion for reconsideration and write out my justification for L keeping my last name. However I am contemplating getting a new lawyer to do this.
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Old 09-20-2013, 11:21 AM   #7
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Default Re: Let It Go or Keep Trying

Sounds like a good plan. Start making a list of pros. Also make a list of why it would be positive for her to take his name.....helps in making your case to really outweigh the pos on the other side of your argument
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Old 09-20-2013, 12:01 PM   #8
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Default Re: Let It Go or Keep Trying

Thats the thing, I cant think of any positives for her to have his last name.

Im pushing my 30 days so I think I am going to have to let my lawyer do the reconsideration and if things dont get changed then Ill get a new lawyer for the appeal.
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Old 09-20-2013, 03:15 PM   #9
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Default Re: Let It Go or Keep Trying

Well I called another lawyer for his opinion and he also doesnt think I will get anywhere if I try to fight the name change! He said by her having NCPs last name it incooperates him into the "co-parenting" aspect of the agreement.

None of this makes sense to me!!!! They says its all about the best interest of the child, but in this situation that is just not the case. Its just giving NCP a way to claim the child he sees a few times a week and pays support for. Its claiming ownership like she is property, not taking into consideration the confusion it is going to cause her!!! I AM SO MAD ABOUT ALL OF THIS!!!
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Old 09-20-2013, 04:16 PM   #10
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Default Re: Let It Go or Keep Trying

i'm sorry mommaslove, this sounds so f-ing frustrating.
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Old 09-20-2013, 04:18 PM   #11
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Default Re: Let It Go or Keep Trying

Call some other attorneys...
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Old 09-20-2013, 04:29 PM   #12
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Default Re: Let It Go or Keep Trying

As an attorney, I agree with the position your attorney is taking. The child is a baby and will know no difference. Courts tend to agree that giving the child the father's last name keeps them feeling bonded and involved. To appeal a decision like that, you have to have an abuse of discretion... doesn't sound like you do. Let it go. It's not worth it.
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Old 09-20-2013, 04:34 PM   #13
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Default Re: Let It Go or Keep Trying

I realize its not effecting her now, its when she gets older thats my concern. Having his last name is just to make him feel better, it has nothing to do with her best interest.
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Old 09-20-2013, 04:43 PM   #14
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Default Re: Let It Go or Keep Trying

LSL- why then, in my case, was R's name not hyphenated? The situation was essentially the same, minus joint custody..... I guess I just don't see why the father's name creates a better bond than the mother's? What about the mother's name and her bond to her child?

What is wrong with hyphenation?
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Old 09-20-2013, 09:25 PM   #15
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Default Re: Let It Go or Keep Trying

Honestly, the name change thing isn't something the gov should be involved in....so if attorneys say, don't bother how does it ever change? This issue stings IMHO...and yup she's a baby and yes she will absolutely know the difference...all three of mine do

---------- Post added at 08:25 PM ---------- Previous post was at 08:11 PM ----------

And if/when he stops being around at all she has this name that means nothing...if it means something SHE can choose to change it. It is her name, he wasn't there when the birth certificate was filled out or the SAN card given...and who is to pay for the changes and use their time? Oh yes, the parent with the funny name that doesn't match the child for whim they give up their lives for. Sorry, it is bullcrap!
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Old 09-21-2013, 12:42 AM   #16
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Default Re: Let It Go or Keep Trying

Cf..... Your judge had a different stance for what ever reason. Some the stance your Judge did. I had a judge order my client to change the name of a 5 year old. Better to have it changed now, then at 5. That child is truly disturbed.

Im not saying I agree with this Judge. What I am saying is it is likely unappealable. You have to have a legal error to appeal a decision.

There are a lot of kiddos who have different last names from mom. Usually it works fine. Choose hour battles carefully. This is not one to expend a ton of money on as you arent likely to prevail.
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Old 10-15-2013, 09:38 PM   #17
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Default Re: Let It Go or Keep Trying

Well my lawyer did the motion to reconsider and the judge still denied it so I have to change Ls last name to NCP's. It kills me that they try to say this is "in the best interest of the child" when it is strickly the judges own personal bias on an outdated tradition. Now my daughter has to be confused about something she doesnt understand for most of her childhood, Thank You Judicial System!

To top it off NCP tells me he wants to start getting L overnight soon!! She will be 9 months on the 24th, I think that is WAY too early! Today has not been a good day.
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Old 10-16-2013, 03:24 AM   #18
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Default Re: Let It Go or Keep Trying

hummm, can you have her name hyphenated ... ???? I mean if you have to change it, why cant you just hyphen it and then you can still use the original in no formal settings...

just a thought... and I Truly wish the Judges had to go periodically for mental evals to keep their seats ...
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Old 10-16-2013, 01:59 PM   #19
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Default Re: Let It Go or Keep Trying

What exactly did you ask for in your motion? Hyphenated name? Or to keep her name?
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Old 10-16-2013, 05:10 PM   #20
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Default Re: Let It Go or Keep Trying

Just to keep her name. I feel like having our names hyphenated just isnt in her best interest. It would soley be to appease me but make it more difficult for her.
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Old 10-16-2013, 06:31 PM   #21
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Default Re: Let It Go or Keep Trying

Compromise is what courts want to see. I am not a lawyer but I think that insistence did you in
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