Wild Dancing Thanksgivng Turkey Single Parent Vs. Grandparents - Single Parents Forum: Single Family Voices
All forums, topics and discussions are geared to single parents and the issues faced with single parenting.
Support a single parent today and one will support you back!
         


Go Back   Single Parents Forum: Single Family Voices >
(``'·.¸(``'·.¸ Relationships¸.·'´´)¸.·'´´)
> Your Parents as Single Parents


~ Donate Today ~ PLEASE
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 03-31-2009, 01:49 PM   #1
Louisiana198
I am New
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1
Rep Power: 0
Louisiana198 is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Single Parent Vs. Grandparents

OK, I'm 29 years old and a single mother. I have a 7 year old son that is in the 1st grade. My problem is that when I first had my son that I HAD to have my parents help. I work a full time job and they didn't want me to put him in daycare. So, my mother has kept him until he started school. They put him in montessori school when he was old enough and they paid for it. I had no problem with that. They have pretty much helped me with my son as much as anyone could ask for, and for which I am eternally grateful. My problem is that they have no respect for me. When I try to dicipline my son they tell me that I have no right to say anything to him because all I did was give birth do him and I have not raised him. I don't know what they want me to do. I still work a 40hr/week job and I am going to school at night to get my degree. Yes, I depend on them ALOT to help out with him. My great grandparents also help out. She picks him up from school and watches him for me. My son was staying the night with her 2 nights a week and my parents 1 night a week because I had class on those nights and it was past his bedtime when I got out of class. Being that I'm the irresponsible parent that I am, I have now gotten my boyfriend of 2 years to begin picking my son up from them in the evenings so that he can be in his own bed at night. OF COURSE, now this a problem with them. So, pretty much my parents want total control of my child. I am to a breaking point. I'm trying to do what's right, but it's like the buck against me every chance they get. NOTHING and I mean NOTHING I do is right according to them. They degrade and belittle me right in front of my son. I think that because they don't respect me and they do it in front of him is the reason that I am having so much trouble of of my son. He doesn't mind me and he constantly back talks and all. He makes me out to be a villan, because I make him get dressed by himself and brush his teeth himself and ask him to pick up his room himself. My parents thing that I should do those things for him. WHY? Doesn't he need to learn some responsibility? They still even WIPE HIS ____ for him!!!!!! He'll be 8 in Oct! Of course, he wipes his own ____ at our house. They have not allowed me to be a parent, they override anything that I say. What do I do to regain control? OH, here's the kicker... I live less than 2,000 ft from them! When I bought my 2nd house, they bought some land adjacent to them and asked me to just move there. Now I'm stuck for a while!!!
Louisiana198 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-31-2009, 03:31 PM   #2
LSL Female
The blunt one;)


 
LSL's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Somewhere on the left coast
Posts: 11,334
Rep Power: 412
LSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support Legend
Default

Well, as long as you are depending on them, you are going to have a hard time taking back control. The fact is, if other people have been caring for him, he is going to be confused as to who he listens to......

Your only way to "take control" so to speak is to find different daycare for him. In the long run this might be better for him. We all make choices. I make the choice to have my parents watch my daughter, also to place her in dance classes [she likes them], and so on so I can go to law school. I accede not my authority, but the fact that the rules and the way things are done are different at nana and papa's.

I lived with my parents for four years while I attended school. My daughter started acting out. She rebelled because she was tired of having three adults yelling at her, discipling her, and so on. So she started giving me alot of grief. When I moved out with her, those problems dissapated.........distance is the only thing that will give you help. It sounds like they do not respect you so having a conversation with them is not going to help at all.
__________________
“If your expectations aren’t to be the best, then… you know, nobody rises to low expectations.” - Chip Kelly, coach of Oregon Football.
LSL is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-08-2009, 11:18 PM   #3
ADAMD
I am New
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 14
Rep Power: 0
ADAMD is an unknown quantity at this point
Default yeah..

i know how you feel. I HATE relying on anybody else in general, especially taking care of my girl. But, i have to look at the situation, and I feel I relaly do not have a choice but to rely on family and close friends to help out with her. but, there have been many incidents where they try to discipline her in front of me, or tell me to "jus let me deal with her, you relax and stay out of it" but it seems after having told them off about it on a few occasions, they don't do it anymore. even though i'm completely grateful for the help and that i can always count on tem, i still wish i could do it all alone and not have to rely on anybody but i know right now it's simply unrealistic to not have help with her. i got two jobs one from 8amto1pm, and the other 4-9:30pm weekdays so she spends alot of time....BUT on the bright side in this will be done in 36 weeks and i will be copmletely able to care for her alone which is what i really want.

now if your parents are putting you down and showing your kid thta what you say does not matter, that all you have to do is tell grandma and they'll tell off your mom, and what she says still won't matter, that's a REALLY BIG problem. try talking to your parents, if not, just tell them off and assert yoursefl every time it happens until they smarten up and start showing you some respect
ADAMD is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-02-2009, 09:19 PM   #4
rositaria
I am New
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2
Rep Power: 0
rositaria is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Re: Single Parent Vs. Grandparents

I think everyone is on the right track. The only way to take control of being the respected parent in your son's life is to break control from your parents and get some distance in that relationship.

Have you tried putting your son in daycare so that he can be around other kids his age after school? This helps out a lot because your son is no longer under your parents rule for key times of the day. If it were only at night, he would probably be tired from being in school all day and asleep most of the time while he was with your parents.

So take small steps and try daycare or an afterschool program before giving up your digs.
Hope this helps.
rositaria is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-16-2009, 03:51 PM   #5
jenk
I am New
 
jenk's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 11
Rep Power: 0
jenk is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Re: Single Parent Vs. Grandparents

Boy, that's rough! Don't kick yourself too much--you owed it to your son to use every resource available to take care of him BUT- I think the problem really lies in your relationship with your parents. Have you tried a heart-to-heart explaining how you feel their behavior is having a bad effect on your son? You deserve respect, from them and your son. You may have to make some financial sacrifices and take him away from their control somehow-even if just to give them a wake-up call. Remember, they probably need to take care of him as much as you need their help!
jenk is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-23-2009, 10:33 AM   #6
confused1996 Female
Board Beacon Parent

 
confused1996's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Saint John NB
Posts: 1,814
Rep Power: 179
confused1996 has a brilliant futureconfused1996 has a brilliant futureconfused1996 has a brilliant future
Default Re: Single Parent Vs. Grandparents

Wow just found this thread I hope you figured out what to do. Everyone needs help sometimes when they are a single parent. Your parents talking down to you infront of your son is not right. You need to sit down with them and explain what is going on. If they dont listen then maybe you need to find other support. At 8 there is no reason that your son shouldnt be able to do the things u ask him to. My heart goes out to you.
confused1996 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes


Resources: youngrobin.com
Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
actually want to be a single parent msark Single Moms 12 03-11-2008 08:45 PM
single mom looking for colleges with single parent programs. babyjustin Campus Single Parents 5 04-22-2007 07:24 PM
New single parent Anne30 30 - Something Single Moms 6 01-06-2005 07:40 PM
20 yr old single parent 20 Something Single Moms 1 07-06-2002 11:12 AM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 08:03 AM.

Some parent places to visit:
A Single Parents
Parent Arium
Solo Parents
Single Parent Personal Ads



Go Like Us On Facebook = facebook.com/SoloParent
Go Like Us On Facebook = facebook.com/SingleParentsInformation
Powered by vbulletin

All forums, topics and discussions are geared to single parents and the issues faced with single parenting.
Support a single parent today and one will support you back!

A Community for single parents, step parents and blended families

Disclaimer Under Section 107 of the Copyright Act 1976, allowance is made for "fair use" for purposes such as criticism, comment, news reporting, teaching, scholarship, and research. Fair use is a use permitted by copyright statute that might otherwise be infringing. Non-profit, educational or personal use tips the balance in favor of fair use.