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Old 09-02-2005, 09:01 PM   #1
whiteswan
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today is my Mom's 80th birthday. My son and I live with her and have done our best to make the day wonderful for her. However, my sister hasn't even phoned her and my 39 yr old nephew who my Mom practically raised hasn't seen her since she was in hospital in April! (His last visit prior to that was at Christmas 2004! ) My sister used to teach at my son's school until she retired in June and we haven't heard from her since either -- she never even phoned my son to wish him a happy 7th birthday in August! My nephew who is her son does not answer his phone if we call . We have no idea what their problem is . My nephew is married , has a 10 yr old son and a 7 yr old son who love my son and he loves them but they never see each other anymore which hurts my son. Two nights ago I emailed my nephews wife to ask her if we did or said anything to offend them and if so it was not intentional. Have not received a response yet. My Mom thinks my sister has a part in it as she never liked it that my nephew and his wife/kids always came here with my Mom, myself and my son for Christmas day and never went to see her until Boxing Day as he doesn't like her new husband and didn't want to spend Christmas day with him. My Mom thinks my sister said something to them that we did not say and now they are mad at us. My question to all of you -- should I leave it alone now that I emailed my nephews wife and have not received a response ? I really miss my great- nephews, especially the older one as I used to baby sit him a lot and I really love that kid! What do you all think? Please tell me that I'm not the only one with a screwball extended family!
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Old 09-02-2005, 09:56 PM   #2
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Are you kidding? You don't even want to know about mine, . I'm pretty sure I could have stories that would scare you. I would say just let it be known you love and miss them and hope to hear from them and just let it go. I know it isn't easy but forcing the issue is only going to get yourself upset and disapointed. Just know they are the ones missing out in the end. Just do what you need to to feel good such as sending cards or what not and leave it at that. They may come around.
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Old 09-02-2005, 10:36 PM   #3
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This is so weird! Five minutes after I posted my nephew called my Mom to wish her a happy 80th birthday then said to her "You know about Ryan, don't you?" (Ryan is his oldest son -- I guess the one who is my favorite although I shouldn't have a favorite). My Mom said "Know what about Ryan?" My nephew was very shocked and said "You mean my Mom didn't tell you?" (Oh yes , my psycho sister is behind it all no doubt, just like my Mom thought!) My Mom said to him "I haven't heard from your Mom since April when I was in the hospital. Patrick saw her at school but not since June when school was over for the year." (Patrick is my son). My nephew was shocked and said "Oh! Well, Ryan has been limping for over three months and we had him to all kinds of doctors who couldn't find out why then one night we had Devan at baseball and a bone doctor was there with his son and he saw Ryan and told us to get him to the hospital. He met us there , did a bunch of tests and found out that his leg has slipped out of his hip socket just like mine did when I was 10! He gets it operated on tomorrow morning." (My nephew had the same thing when he was 10 -- it is common in bigger boys who grow too fast.) My Mom didn't want to ask him if he was mad because he thought we were being uncaring about Ryan as he thought we knew about it all from my sister. My Mom didn't want to go into all that with him and his wife being upset about their son so she let it go. We are all upset about Ryan so keep him and us in your prayers. My son is nosey and as soon as he heard the name Ryan being said by my Mom on the phone he picked up the extension and heard the whole thing , proceeded to burst into tears as he adores Ryan . My nephew heard him wailing so asked him if he wanted to talk to Ryan and of course he said yes. My son told Ryan how much he loves him and they were both in tears again on the phone. So maybe this will at least bring my nephew and his family back with ours again -- my sister, well that's another story! What a **** of a thing to happen to reconcile people! As soon as my Mom got off the phone my son burst out into tears again and asked "Is he going to die!?" It took my Mom and I about 15 minutes to get him calmed down. It is a big operation but he is healthy so we think he'll do fine. Keep us all in your prayers. Thanks.
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Old 09-02-2005, 10:55 PM   #4
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We will. It's often the hard times that bring the family back together.
Good Luck
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Old 09-03-2005, 08:15 AM   #5
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So true, scoutmom. Whiteswan, I had to laugh out loud at your thread title. Sorry, but I don't know if I know of any NOT dysfunctional families these days. Like scoutmom said, keep doing little things that make you happy, like sending cards, or emails. You cannot force someone to be responsive. Maybe they will come around. People tend to get wrapped up in their own crazy lives, and forget to do the little things, like reaching out and calling your family just to say hi, and seeing how everyone is. I'm guilty of it too. After a really crazy day, the LAST thing I want to do, is pick up the phone and chat. I just want to relax and veg out.
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Old 09-03-2005, 04:55 PM   #6
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I promise..my family is the worst.

My biggest worry about getting married was always that I would have to have them all together for one day, and there would be either complete silence, or constant fighting.
It would be a horrible day in any case.
Or, I would have to decide which part I would invite (and which not), and of course the other part would be mad at me for life.

But I never got married.
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Old 09-03-2005, 10:13 PM   #7
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If you ever get married do a themed wedding of paintball. Split the feuding family in two and pretend they are supposed to try and kill eachother.
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Old 09-04-2005, 07:56 AM   #8
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Ok, scoutmom, you made me choke on my coffee! THAT'S a really cool idea for a wedding!
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Old 09-05-2005, 02:05 AM   #9
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Now that is a good one scouts mom. I like it very much.
Yes, whiteswan I too have a very disfunctional family my side and the in-laws. You know what life would just not be as interesting without it. I have come to just take it in stride and laugh when I can at the sillieness that happens.
As for your situation it sounds like you really did the right thing and will be renewing that relationship. Good for you. Hopefully your nephew will now only count on himself to keep the communication lines open and not his Mom. Like others said above you keep them open too and keep letting them know you care and all will work out.
Maybe when the time is right you can tell him that you are sorry for missing the time with his family. Not that is was your fault but you sound like you have missed them. We can be sorry for things that happen without taking blame for them happening. I am glad he decided to call good for him also.
God bless.
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Old 09-20-2005, 07:51 PM   #10
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Just an update on the situation. My great nephew Ryan made it through the surgery very well and after spending a week in hospital is now at home recovering very nicely. Our families are talking again -ie- over the phone, we went every day to see him in the hospital, they sent us a thank you card today for the gifts we gave him while in hospital. No one has discussed why there was a long enstrangement but all is back together nonetheless. Thank God and thank you for all your replies. :sweetheart:
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Old 07-24-2007, 05:49 AM   #11
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I think I might be pushing a wrong button or something, but, anyways, I have almost the very same thing. My oldest sister became very jealous of me when I decided to be a stay-at-home mom because she had been. I went to college, worked in an office for a few years, got married and had a son and my sister really flew off the handle. I was so close to my nieces' from the time I was 13 to the time I was 27, then my sister decided that my child should not receive so much as a birthday card from her! Now my husband has passed away, she doesn't feel so "threatened" and is more than willing to talk to me. She really likes to use people, which is very sad. I love my family, I just don't necessarily like them.
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Old 08-19-2007, 02:04 PM   #12
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Sadly my family is dysfunctional to the fullest. Its kind of funny now that I think about it. They are unsupportive, spiritually abusive, emotionally unavailable...The list can go on. One thing that I have realized is that I don't have to be like them. I checked myself in to a psych. hospital I had a breakdown..battling anxiety and severe depression...and I still get no love or support or encouragement from them. The bad part is that due to financial difficulties I had to move back home so it is in my face CONSTANTLY. There is not really a peaceful day for me anymore. I hate being here, but right now I am stuck! My sister cusses me out almost everyday for something insignificant, just because she feels like it. I can't ask her or anyone else for help with anything..it is truly CRAZY!
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Old 08-19-2007, 05:55 PM   #13
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its funny but it seems the most dysfunctional person in a family is the one that usually wants to run it..maybe we are all a little that way but not in way to harm others.....crazy ray
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Old 08-19-2007, 11:45 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally posted by TruLibra:
Sadly my family is dysfunctional to the fullest. Its kind of funny now that I think about it. They are unsupportive, spiritually abusive, emotionally unavailable...The list can go on. One thing that I have realized is that I don't have to be like them.
Same goes here...I'm sick and tired of the dysfunction...I have to remind myself that I want to find and choose people that are working towards honesty, peace, love, sharing and respect. So far I have a girlfriend and we became activity buddies, dancing, dinner at home and calling each other up. Thank God!!
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Old 08-19-2007, 11:52 PM   #15
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Hmmm...Nah...I dont think that I had to put my so-called father in jail...disowned most of my immediate family for taking his side... and that my EX is now a lesbian is dyfunctional.

Pretty normal nowadays, I'd say.
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Old 08-20-2007, 06:05 AM   #16
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I have a family full of religious nuts, good people just crazy.....by and large they took the fun out of fundamentalism....that could explain why i have a low tolerance to people that never had an objective thought in their lives who want to tell the rest of the world how to live....this place is self medicating I feel better already....I could go on with this but what the hey.....the sad part about dysfunctional families is the insistance on passing it on to future generations of family, kind like a tradition you know unless you stumble in from the outside....
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Old 09-09-2007, 07:46 PM   #17
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I think I know what you mean Raymond. I have a few religious nuts as well (a few siblings, they mean well but that is all they know and how to be). So dogmatic I want to stay away.

So far it has been a bit better, as they are not trying to recruit me. Yeah!

I like to be inquisitive and curious about this world and the Universe. So far I think I found my spiritual path.
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Old 09-20-2007, 06:06 PM   #18
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Well, I used to think my family was dysfunctional. Then I looked outside and noticed more dysfunctional lives as nutty if not worse than mine. I guess when I realized that being dysfunctional "seemed" normal or commone to most, as it "appears" to be everywhere, I decided to eliminate the word dysfuntional, and replace it with Bizare Human Behaviour Syndrome by choice and only to amuse my own mind of course.
The good news is, when you realize that you don't have to see only what is within the box, as you learn to see outside of it, you can remove Bizarre Human Behaviour from your life and not pass it on to the next generation. God willing.....

Why some insist on passing it on to future generations, Lord only knows.

MM
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