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Old 03-03-2005, 02:20 PM   #1
bear
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i have no control over my son when it is bed time. it is so off the charts i am pulling my hair out! part of the reason i believe he has such terrible sleep habits is one hes attached to nursing and i am trying to wean him AT 17 MONTHS! he needs it to go to sleep and nap time. he is actually crying in his crib as i write this! and two my father tells me that i am doing everything all wrong. he believes that i want to stop nursing so i can smoke...WAY OUT IN LEFT FEILD.... and he believes that he shouldnt cry at night. he works from the house so he is hearing him cry right now. and the sad thing is i have to think of what my parents are feeling over paying attention to how this will effect my son. this is so deep into a mess i do not know what to do. last night my father called me stupid and a b**ch. all because i went into his room calmed him down from crying and explained to him thta we are not going to nurse (which he crys for bcs its his onlly true comefort) and i put him back in his crib. i walked out of there thinking i did a great job handling it and then i get attacked! I REALLY NEED SOME HELP HERE I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO. and talking to my father in a calm matter does nothing but give me verbal abuse. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Old 03-03-2005, 03:36 PM   #2
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bear, I feel sorry for you that is rough. You are doing the right thing by letting him cry. Have you tryed 5 min. of cry, comfort, 10 min of cry, comfort, 15 min. of cry, comfort and every 15 min after that, no longer than an hour? The hardest part is not to pick him up when you comfort. If you don't follow that I will explain it better.
Grandparents really have a hard time with hearing their grandbabies cry. I don't think you need to be called names especially for trying to do the right thing. You are right the boy needs to learn how to sleep. Have you asked your Dad if he has any more ideas for you to try? Let him come up with a solution if he can.
If I can find it I have an artical that teaches this sleep method. If you would like I will e-mail it to you and you can show it to your Dad. Maybe if he sees your logic on paper from a professional he will think better of it and stop the name calling.
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Old 03-03-2005, 09:02 PM   #3
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thank you for responding especially since its aiming toward bedtime sooner than later. yeah i have tried numerous attemps from different angles (i think) it would be worth a shot if you could send that to me. but really from knowing my father he thinks even therapist are mest in the head...and no doctor really knows sh*t...yeah thats my pops! thank you so much for writing me...so its 5 min. from when he starts to cry go in and calm him down with out picking him up... and then 10, 15.... but never past 60 min. goodness i sure am not going to get sleep ever! did this work for you? my son freaks out and crys harder when was trying to lay in his room on the couch last night...then again he thinks of that couch as mommies bed and where he gets his breastfeeding. thank you again! please keep me posted with any ideas. i will try this one tonight!
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Old 03-03-2005, 09:13 PM   #4
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You father is quite a guy. I know you are staying there while you go to school, but I think it would be a good idea to look into some financial aid programs at your school. I know for single moms they have programs that help with housing costs and food. That way you don't have to work while you go to school. I am only saying this because your son is 17 months old, and grandpa is going to start having a bad affect on him. Do you really want your boy to grow up thinking this is how a man should act?? No way, sorry but there is no reason for him to call you a b----. You are his daughter and deserve more respect than that! You should really ask at your school about housing help so you can move out of your parents house.

EDIT: as for your son, you are doing everything right. Ignore what your father says and keep doing what you are doing. You have to wean him, and he has to learn to comfort himself to sleep.
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Old 03-03-2005, 09:19 PM   #5
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Sounds like you have a pretty good idea of it, but you must leave the room. He will cry even harder when you leave. This is normal. Yes, I have used it on all 6 living of my kids, and on daycare and foster kids. I'm not sure of how many, when used consistantly is has worked every time. Since an hour is the most to leave him I would try it at a nap first this way you can get him up. Do not rock him to sleep. The whole point is that he learns to sleep on his own. To be honest I have never seen one go over an hour and is sleeping through the night by 3-5 days depending on the age. The older they are the longer it will take.
I can't look for the info tonight, but I will try in the morning. I am really running this week, but will do my best. If you have time call your doc in the morning and see if he/she knows about it. That is where I got the info 17 years ago.
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Old 03-03-2005, 09:20 PM   #6
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I never had to wean my daughter, but started having confrontations over letting her cry things out about the time she was 10 months old (maybe a bit earlier). My father was not the best example of a well tempered man as I grew up in the house and I saw his anger flaring up again. The day he told me that I would, "either get her to stop crying or he'd do it for me" was the day I made arrangements to move in with a friend for a few months until I could get on my feet.

I strongly agree with Seraphin, perhaps the stress of all of you being under the same roof so much is getting to be too much. Keep an open dialogue with your Dad when things AREN'T stressed out. Let him know that you understand that the crying is driving everyone nuts, but that you feel that this is the best for your son, and if he won't allow you to parent your own child in your own way...where are the lines drawn? The parent/grandparent lines under the same roof must be made clear. Without a firm guideline set down BY you with agreement of it by your father, you will be banging your head against the wall and tempers will flare.

Look into anything you can do to resolve the situation, including moving into single parent housing on campus if its available.
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Old 03-08-2005, 09:04 PM   #7
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Have you been able to get him to sleep any better?
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Old 01-11-2010, 07:16 PM   #8
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Default Re: my father "knows hes right"

Well....I was just reading old posts while E is coughing/resting on the couch and this one struck me as an OMG. REALLY? They are advocating the leave 'em crying thing. Not what I would do or did, but another perspective.

---------- Post added at 06:16 PM ---------- Previous post was at 05:24 PM ----------

You know....in regards to our thread about what we would do...
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Old 01-11-2010, 07:46 PM   #9
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Default Re: my father "knows hes right"

Well I did this with my 4 and they are ok now, ages 22, 19, 17, 17

I do beleave you need to show them who is the boss here. just make sure it's in a loving way.
but you do need to stick by your guns here.

Dawg
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Old 01-12-2010, 12:58 AM   #10
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Default Re: my father "knows hes right"

In regards to the "cry it out" debate...

I believe it goes down to "needs" vs. "wants." A newborn baby needs to have every desire attended to. That baby needs to understand that the parent is there, and is going to keep him safe. After several months, though, some "wants" start to appear. And it is absolutely appropriate for the parent to not attend to every "want" that the child has.

Question is: Is this a "want" or a "need?" The child is well fed, warm, safe and dry. All the needs are taken care of. The child wants comfort from nursing. The child has learned to think of that "want" as a "need." Not having it will be an adjustment, and yes, that requires some crying it out.

Took my daughter 3 nights. And then she was fine, and started sleeping through the night like a pro.
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