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Old 01-19-2004, 03:15 PM   #1
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I am sure that by the time you see this email you will have made your decision....but if not i would like to add my two cents worth
I think it is a very selfish thing to choose to be a single mother. As a child whose mother was a single mother i have experienced so much unnecessary pain and frusteration and heartache...especially now that i am ready to get engaged and eventually have children. While you may think that you can support your child on your own i do not think that it is fair to the child...or to yourself. I believe that God has created a perfect family system and we should strive to keep that stability.
Not only boys need their daddies. Girls do too.
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Old 01-19-2004, 05:28 PM   #2
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For some of us, it isn't a choice. I am a good person who just has had 2 bad experiences with relationships/marriages. I work my ____ off to be the best parent for my children, and I guarantee you that I am a better single parent to them than life would be if I was still married to their father!
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Old 01-23-2004, 02:08 AM   #3
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Well put momof2. It isn't a choice for some of us and too I don't think you can judge everyone based on your experiences. I'm sorry that you had to go through a difficult childhood, but we are the best parents we can be to our children and that's all we can do. I know that I try just as hard if I was married to be a wonderful parent because I want my son to know that he's loved and just because his father isn't around doesn't mean he needs to want for anything, especially love and attention. Please try to remember that when you address all of us as a whole you address many that came from different situations than you and your mother.
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Old 04-02-2009, 05:38 AM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by carrieann View Post
I am sure that by the time you see this email you will have made your decision....but if not i would like to add my two cents worth
I think it is a very selfish thing to choose to be a single mother. As a child whose mother was a single mother i have experienced so much unnecessary pain and frusteration and heartache...especially now that i am ready to get engaged and eventually have children. While you may think that you can support your child on your own i do not think that it is fair to the child...or to yourself. I believe that God has created a perfect family system and we should strive to keep that stability.
Not only boys need their daddies. Girls do too.
Well, I believe God is a mercifull Lord, not a judgemental one, so please try to be like that too.....

Most of us did not chose to be a single parent. It was circumstances that made it that way. What would be better, to live in an abusive two-parent family??

Sadly, most people who claim to be religious, are terribly dogmatic.
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Old 04-02-2009, 06:23 AM   #5
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Yea...this post got my back up, but then I figured I can't let what people think bug me so much. I also am a single mom, but DEFINITELY not by choice. Sorry for the rough childhood, but I had 2 parents and went through an enormous amount of pain and suffering....I would never wish that on my daughter and think that she will be JUST FINE with a mom who loves her more than anything else in the world.
Enough said.
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Old 04-02-2009, 06:28 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by carrieann View Post
I am sure that by the time you see this email you will have made your decision....but if not i would like to add my two cents worth
I think it is a very selfish thing to choose to be a single mother. As a child whose mother was a single mother i have experienced so much unnecessary pain and frusteration and heartache...especially now that i am ready to get engaged and eventually have children. While you may think that you can support your child on your own i do not think that it is fair to the child...or to yourself. I believe that God has created a perfect family system and we should strive to keep that stability.
Not only boys need their daddies. Girls do too.
Every situation is different...sometimes a family thrives without a man in the home....mine definately has. Had I stayed married, I have no doubt that my kids would not be as happy and well rounded as they are today.
The perfect family system is any family that contains love and respect...whether the parenting system is a man/woman, man/man, woman/woman...or a single parent of any sexual orientation.
It's nice that you have your beliefs....but they aren't for everyone.
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Old 04-02-2009, 09:08 AM   #7
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Let me just say that I come from a 2 parent family. And my parents came from 2 parent families, and so on and so on. And I can definetly say that I still experienced pain and difficulties in my childhood. I think what you are describing is life. Every family has their own difficulties and pain regardless of whether or not they have the picture perfect 2 parent family.
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Old 04-02-2009, 09:11 AM   #8
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If it wasn't such an old original post........I think I'd have more to say but 5 years later I would imagine that this person wouldn't be hearing it anyway.

I think that Robin recently asked for such old posts not be be replied to. I guess if you see an old post with subject matter that you'd like to talk about we're supposed to start a new thread about it
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Old 04-07-2009, 02:00 PM   #9
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Lightbulb it took 5 years !!!!

gooness please do reply, shes been waiting such a long time for someone to post .... why?

I missed it, that's obvious.

Please do reply to older post if you want to answer them.
You know someone is think the same thing somewhere browsing the board. Lets not let another post wait five years to get an answer.

for someone engaged, it is very obvious that she must be worried about being a single mom down the road, now that its five years later, maybe she is.

So to all please, if you see a post no matter what leigth of time, if you feel the need to reply, do so.
Not everyone takes the time to write, some people come to just browes and find solutions. Hopfully, we are able to give some nugget to begin their journey.

Congrates carrieann on your marriage.
If your mother had experienced so much unnecessary pain and frusteration and heartache, maybe it was the only choice she had for you all to live a life.
You are right, "it is not fair to the child" a child did not ask to be here, and deserves two loveing, caring, nurturing parents. But life's book does not state that it is fair, just for u to live it, with intergrity, and moral compass for to follow by. All we can do is try to do our best, for peace and harmany in our lives.
God has us all equip with Free Will. Thus only can sugest to us, and as God does not control a being, we each can not control each other and anothers behavoir.

carrieann I hope all the best has come to you in these five years.
If you can please update us on your marrage. That would be nice.
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Old 02-06-2010, 03:13 PM   #10
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Smile Re: Please do not TRY to become a single

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kozzy View Post
Every situation is different...sometimes a family thrives without a man in the home....mine definately has. Had I stayed married, I have no doubt that my kids would not be as happy and well rounded as they are today.
The perfect family system is any family that contains love and respect...whether the parenting system is a man/woman, man/man, woman/woman...or a single parent of any sexual orientation.
It's nice that you have your beliefs....but they aren't for everyone.
Very well put indeed "Kozzy". I dont believe we start off our relationships in life and our families with the intent to have them broken apart. I was with the father of my children for 17yrs and mainly just because it was "the right thing to do" We have been seperated for two years now and in that short time, my children have made leaps and bounds that have all been for the better. Its as if a huge cloud of dullness has been lifted off of our lives.
I do agree that the perfect family system is one that contains love, respect, consitency, and follow thru. No matter the sexual orientation of the ones raising the kids. Thank you for your post
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Old 02-06-2010, 03:24 PM   #11
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Default Re: Please do not TRY to become a single

I am a single mom--NOT by choice. Sometimes things happen that you don't expect. People make choices, learn from them, pick up the pieces and start over. At least that is what happened in my case. Although I would like to believe that marriage is fashioned for someone like me, but truth be told it didn't happen in that way. I was never married, I just happened to choose the wrong guy, but even in his deadbeat ways when he just disappeared when I was 3 months pregnant--- he gave me the best gift of all, my baby girl. My 9 month old daughter is loved, and she loves her mommy back. I am all she has. Maybe being married and having a family is ideal to some people, but GOD has a plan for all of us. Don't judge the single parents out there, every one of us has a unique circumstance that has shaped and molded us into great parents and individuals.
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Old 02-14-2010, 10:07 PM   #12
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Default Re: Please do not TRY to become a single

wow......this is the exact reason why my dad and I haven't spoken to each other for nearly 2 years now.....because of this closed minded opinion. Coming from a religious background, I wouldn't think you would judge so much. I go to church faithfully and have been welcomed with loving arms by everyone at my church. I am an ELCA Lutheran. I am well educated, loving, have a very stable income, great house and am very responsible. Yes, the one thing missing from my life is someone to share my life with but there would be no way in ____ that I would have married her dad "just because'. THAT is the worst thing to do for a child. I was told to abort my daughter ONLY because I wasn't married. How pitiful. Hopefully, my daughter NEVER finds out about this.....

I am very offended by your post OP. Just because your mom couldn't provide for you the way you thought she should have doesn't mean everyone's lives are like that.
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Old 02-15-2010, 12:04 AM   #13
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Default Re: Please do not TRY to become a single

For what it's worth, I think this person, the op, was responding to another thread. Not that I agree with what she is saying, but we cannot be sure what she was responding to. Could have been, say, a very young girl with huge problems who was resisting a potential fantastic adoption opportunity because she thought the baby would make everything ok for her. IDK, just saying.
Could have been someone trying to get pregnant because they thought single parenthood was glamourous in some way or would get them attention or sympathy.
Can't say I would have advised such a person much differently, though I sure hope I would pack a different attitude behind it...
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Old 02-15-2010, 12:11 AM   #14
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Default Re: Please do not TRY to become a single

If you look at the OP's other posts, Blue is correct. She responded almost identically to another thread and it looks like she just copied and pasted to create a new thread. Maybe she didn't spend enough time here to see that this board wasn't designed to be a place where people gather to figure out how to become a single parent, but rather, a place where we support each other in becoming the best parents we can be, given the fact that we're going at it alone.
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Old 02-15-2010, 01:07 AM   #15
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Default Re: Please do not TRY to become a single

i thought the comment was made more for the people that want a child but for whatever reason dont have a partner and they go out to get preg. or have a child solo...

i never in a million years thought id be a single mom its not what i wanted but like my dad said when he found out i was preg. Sh*t Happens and dont marry him just cause your preg. I love my child and i will do what it takes to provide a loving happy home for that little monster by myself.
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Old 03-16-2010, 04:37 PM   #16
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Default Re: Please do not TRY to become a single

How many single mothers CHOOSE to be single? I am single because my BD refuses to relocate to be with me and our son. I can't go where he is becuase there are no jobs. I don't think anybody has a simple story, every story is complicated and I think most single mothers have a good reason they are single.

---------- Post added at 04:37 PM ---------- Previous post was at 04:35 PM ----------

oh sorry, I just read the rest of the posts, yeah, I agree. My post was a bit off topic...
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Old 03-16-2010, 05:25 PM   #17
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Default Re: Please do not TRY to become a single

wow, watch the single mommies unite! I looked at the other thread this poster was responding to and it seemed to me to be about someone using sperm donation (not the kind we usually talk about here as in did the deed and out the door) bank style. But if that person could afford to care for the child he/she wanted to create, didn't have anyone in his/her life, wanted to avoid the complications we all face, and showed just as much love to that child as we show to ours who is to say what is right or wrong. some of us just ended up with lousy partners. I guess in a sense I chose to be a single parent rather than subject my daughter to an idiot.
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Old 03-16-2010, 06:52 PM   #18
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Default Re: Please do not TRY to become a single

I know that I choose to be a single parent.
1. abortion is not something that was even considered.
2. I left the fathers.
3. I did not want to give them up for adoption.

So I guess that i can say I chose to be, but I would never chang the fact that i have my children. I found out after I had my daughter that I would never be able to have kids again w/o risk to my health. so I got a tubal and count my blessing that i have my babies.
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Old 03-16-2010, 08:31 PM   #19
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Default Re: Please do not TRY to become a single

Quote:
Originally Posted by SingleMom123 View Post
How many single mothers CHOOSE to be single? I am single because my BD refuses to relocate to be with me and our son. I can't go where he is becuase there are no jobs. I don't think anybody has a simple story, every story is complicated and I think most single mothers have a good reason they are single.

---------- Post added at 04:37 PM ---------- Previous post was at 04:35 PM ----------

oh sorry, I just read the rest of the posts, yeah, I agree. My post was a bit off topic...
Jeez....I know I'm looking for a wife, but to be angry at me because I'm not willing to pick up and move to long island? I mean, we just met.....
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Old 03-16-2010, 09:44 PM   #20
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Default Re: Please do not TRY to become a single

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I know that I choose to be a single parent.
1. abortion is not something that was even considered.
2. I left the fathers.
3. I did not want to give them up for adoption.
Amen Sister!!!
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Old 03-16-2010, 09:45 PM   #21
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Default Re: Please do not TRY to become a single

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bubba'sDad View Post
Jeez....I know I'm looking for a wife, but to be angry at me because I'm not willing to pick up and move to long island? I mean, we just met.....
You know SM123, you did say you saw jobs available in "Joysey"....
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Old 03-16-2010, 10:20 PM   #22
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Default Re: Please do not TRY to become a single

Quote:
Originally Posted by Virgo69 View Post
wow, watch the single mommies unite! I looked at the other thread this poster was responding to and it seemed to me to be about someone using sperm donation (not the kind we usually talk about here as in did the deed and out the door) bank style. But if that person could afford to care for the child he/she wanted to create, didn't have anyone in his/her life, wanted to avoid the complications we all face, and showed just as much love to that child as we show to ours who is to say what is right or wrong. some of us just ended up with lousy partners. I guess in a sense I chose to be a single parent rather than subject my daughter to an idiot.
I see absolutely nothing wrong with someone choosing to be a parent when they haven't found a partner. Why would anyone be so judgmental of anyone who wanted to be a parent and didn't have a partner. Especially on a single parent site

---------- Post added at 09:20 PM ---------- Previous post was at 09:17 PM ----------

And I do have to wonder what carrieann might think about her own post 6 years later. Life has a way of humbling most of us...
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Old 04-21-2010, 09:18 PM   #23
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Default Re: Please do not TRY to become a single

If I was planning it, I would had it all figured out prior to me actually becoming one, but thanks for your concern.
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Old 04-26-2010, 04:32 PM   #24
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giggle Re: Please do not TRY to become a single

Quote:
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Jeez....I know I'm looking for a wife, but to be angry at me because I'm not willing to pick up and move to long island? I mean, we just met.....
OMG, this was hillarious! At the time I posted that I didn't know that BD stood for BubbasDad, but stood for Babies Dad.

BD, you are a hoot! Love it!
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Old 05-11-2010, 11:01 AM   #25
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Default Re: Please do not TRY to become a single

LOL true that!!
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Old 02-01-2012, 02:22 PM   #26
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devil Re: Please do not TRY to become a single

What do you say if I tell you , I was brought to the USA from the end of the world and cheated on several times after a child then abandoned in the middle of nowhere with a 3 years old child.

Liston to me!
I grow up in a big city, in a big family with lots of extended family and siblings around. To me the life I and my daughter am living is harder than the ____ it self. But it was done to me. it was given to me and my daughter from a selfish husband- I did not create it!
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Old 02-01-2012, 08:19 PM   #27
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Default Re: Please do not TRY to become a single

I became a single mom at 18 years old. I am 20 now and have a wonderful healthy one year old son. Looking back I would not change my decisions, but I would have change my age at which I got pregnant. It is not my fault that my son's dad decided he didn't want to be a father anymore and left us for another girl, but you know what KARMA came back around and got him. He knocked her up too. So in the end I got the life I was meant to have. I am a great mom to my son. I DO NOT need a man to support me and help me. I am doing fine all by myself!
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Old 08-13-2012, 06:04 PM   #28
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Default Re: Please do not TRY to become a single

Wow. 2 parents doesn't = a happy home. And I DID intentionally become a single mom. I have a known donor who is going to play the daddy role, but just not have a hand in day to day parenting. Probably more involvement than some deadbeat dads have.

How about this: to each their own. As long as children are LOVED and happy and well cared for, that's all that matters.
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Old 08-24-2012, 03:17 PM   #29
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angel Re: Please do not TRY to become a single

This wasin't really a choice I made but what needed to be done, as a single mother to a 9 month old daughter in a very bad relationship of cheating lies and never being around my girl nor helping financially all we did was argue which resulted in a not so friendly parting of ways.
I know without a doubt that being a single parent was the best thing for us as I would hate to stay with someone for the sake of a child especially when all we do is argue and when I say argue its ww3 argue and that is no situation for any child to be in.
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Old 09-06-2012, 02:32 PM   #30
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Default Re: Please do not TRY to become a single

You forgot to mention families that have a parent that abuses the children, there partner, uses drugs, not there no emotional support... Since you live in a perfect world and have a perfect partner then your advice only applies to your life. If we all waited for a stable person we would never have children. I have worked hard my entire life so that I can provided for a child. I am not going to let the lack of a partner hold me back. Try living outside the box! In fact I am fine with staying in my own lane and not providing my personal feelings on the choices YOU have made.
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Old 09-06-2012, 06:26 PM   #31
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Default Re: Please do not TRY to become a single

Oops, didn't realize that the OP is from 2009. You may want to note my mood.
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Old 09-11-2012, 07:47 AM   #32
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Default Re: Please do not TRY to become a single

Well honey it's a little too late. Funny I prayed for son. I didn't want to get too old waiting around for a man. I asked God to send me my child. Well he's here now and I can't send him back. I had him with a man who didn't want anymore kids. Funny that didn't stop him from sleeping with. Oh and FYI stupid thought condoms were the only bith control method to use. I wasn't on any and POW prego last year. Now my son is 6months and I haven't heard from or scene his father in almost 3 months. What did I expect from a man who didn't want anymore children. SOrry buddy you shouldn't have has *** with a woman who told you she wanted kids and to settle down. Anyway long story short people like you need to eff off. Ish happens. Your comment is like an toilet. Everyone dumps on it.
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Old 09-11-2012, 05:52 PM   #33
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Default Re: Please do not TRY to become a single

Allrighty then....not even gonna get into some of this....

Ladies. While it's understandable how this thread could hit on some raw nerves, it has been established (several pages/years ago) that the OP may have been responding to some young child who had posted that she was gonna try to get pregnant on purpose...cause she thought it was cool to have a kid. No realistic idea what it was like at all.

It is not thought that the OP was talking about those of us who were either deserted or divorced or became pregnant by accident...etc.

Kitcal, it's true that she kinda mighta meant you though.....
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Old 09-11-2012, 06:48 PM   #34
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Default Re: Please do not TRY to become a single

OK, just to settle it for some.... I Promise I will never become a Single Mother..... especially on purpose.....
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Old 09-11-2012, 07:13 PM   #35
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Default Re: Please do not TRY to become a single

Ive always figured you already were
Same as all the other single dads.

Us single moms are single dads too...
O'the many hats of single parenthood.
Chef
Psychiatrist
Nurse
Mediator
Referee
Judge
Jury
executioner
Handy lady/man
Pool guy/gal
Woodboy

Im missing something.....
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Old 09-11-2012, 07:57 PM   #36
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Default Re: Please do not TRY to become a single

Driver....
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Old 09-11-2012, 07:59 PM   #37
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Default Re: Please do not TRY to become a single

Quote:
Originally Posted by Woodsimply View Post
Ive always figured you already were
Same as all the other single dads.

Us single moms are single dads too...
O'the many hats of single parenthood.
Chef
Psychiatrist
Nurse
Mediator
Referee
Judge
Jury
executioner
Handy lady/man
Pool guy/gal
Woodboy

Im missing something.....
hairdresser
best friend
sofa...only missed when you're not there
stuff finder
one to be blamed for whatever goes wrong
broken heart fixer
wallet
bell...the one that everyone is saved by
tear wiper
moral compass...I'm missing something too...!

---------- Post added at 06:59 PM ---------- Previous post was at 06:58 PM ----------

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dad1st4boys View Post
Driver....
awe...you out-typed me!
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Old 09-11-2012, 08:14 PM   #38
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Default Re: Please do not TRY to become a single

Boy picker
Girl picker
Nay sayer
*Bank*
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Old 09-11-2012, 08:25 PM   #39
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Default Re: Please do not TRY to become a single

Quote:
Originally Posted by Woodsimply View Post
Boy picker
Girl picker
Nay sayer
*Bank*
Bank? wow...you're richer than I am...I'm just wallet!...
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Old 09-11-2012, 08:27 PM   #40
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Default Re: Please do not TRY to become a single

I have 3
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Old 09-11-2012, 08:55 PM   #41
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Default Re: Please do not TRY to become a single

yup....... bank.....
DS3 and 4 are going to the State Fair tomorrow and have to have $40 each ouch!!!!!

They are earning the cash though.....
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Old 09-11-2012, 08:59 PM   #42
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Default Re: Please do not TRY to become a single

Im $75 in just on B in the past couple days.

---------- Post added at 08:59 PM ---------- Previous post was at 08:58 PM ----------

Screws, doors...
*evil laugh* Bwahaha
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Old 09-11-2012, 09:04 PM   #43
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Default Re: Please do not TRY to become a single

WW, if it helps (and it did here) DS1 sent $600 to repay me for paying his bank loan for his motorcycle..... see The Corps do shape men!
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Old 09-11-2012, 09:06 PM   #44
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Default Re: Please do not TRY to become a single

Lol! Great to hear! That should help out quite a bit

*Plumber!*
Guess how many times Ive had to snake my toilet?
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Old 09-11-2012, 09:37 PM   #45
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Default Re: Please do not TRY to become a single

Oh yes....plumber!!! DS4's tank on his toliet is cracked and I have to replace the whole thing.... This will be the 3rd toilet in the house I have replaced in 6 years..... One was my ex's fault (Don't ask, guz I didn't)
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