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Old 01-15-2014, 02:26 PM   #1
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Hi. I just joined sfv and am so glad to connect with other single moms in their 30s. I posted in the introductions forum. I look forward to getting support from and giving support to women who get what our lives are like.
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Old 01-15-2014, 03:06 PM   #2
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Welcome to our Hide Out! There are more than Moms here. I am not in my 30's, nor a woman...., But, as a Solo-parent I can empathize. Enjoy this great little place. Lots of support here.
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Old 01-15-2014, 04:15 PM   #3
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hmm, single dad here too.......but welcome......dads are outnumbered here but we're not a bad bunch!
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Old 01-15-2014, 09:19 PM   #4
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Surprised by the dad welcome but glad to hear about good dads. Hi.

Here's what my intro says:

Hi. I am a single mom of a five-year-old little girl. I had a nightmare pregnancy, with more complications and risks to my life and my daughter's life than I really want to go into at this time. My then husband attempted suicide when our baby was 18 months old. He wouldn't get help. I was healing from a broken back and all the illnesses I had during pregnancy and caring for our infant daughter, basically on my own, in addition to his twin children from a previous marriage, whom I helped raise from age 6 to 12.

I finally had the courage to ask him to leave in January 2010. Going back to school started me on the road to recovery and I intend to graduate this June. My daughter is fiesty, creative, strong-willed, and struggling in kindergarten. I'm worried that she may be too young to be there.

I am all that she has. My life revolves around her. Sometimes that's great and sometimes that's really, really hard. I want her to have more confidence in herself than I presently have in myself. Comments made by my ex-husband during the marriage and since the divorce and also the treatment of his family shattered my self-confidence. I have had no social life and gone on only two dates. I am more lonely than I can say. This post is more than I've expressed to anyone in a long time. I hope this helps.
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Old 01-15-2014, 10:21 PM   #5
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That is a lot to have going on in addition to raising a little one! A lot of us have experienced at least some of the things you describe. Lots of great experience here on the board based on wisdom of lessons learned (sometimes the hard way) in life.
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Old 01-19-2014, 06:43 PM   #6
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I've been reading other posts and see the wisdom and similar circumstances abound.

I really thought I would feel better having posted, but the loneliness just seems louder, if that makes any sense.

Anyway, thanks MuskieDad and Dad1st4boys for writing back. DD's father does not participate in her life except to send CS/SS, for which I am grateful, and to have very occasional playdates with her. He can't even remember to feed her regularly, so I limit those. I can't even fathom a man being responsible for the daily lives of their children.
You guys give me at least a vague reassurance that it is possible.
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Old 01-20-2014, 01:05 AM   #7
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yes, the dads around here are the beacons of fathers.

as the board is solely ran by single parents, mom and dads alike. Please dont feel alone we are in the same boat using the same oars looking at the same shore line, trying to get there.

Im not a chatty one to begin with and with my father passing and having to tend to his affairs is heart wrenching, and emotionally draining on top of everything else.

sometimes, as single parents we get lost in our own zone and world. though im no long 30 I get where your coming from.
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I set up the board to be more of a filing cabinet then rooms, you will find everyone, some members pop in every week, some once a month some every few months, but our journey, our stories are here to share without fear.

and as a members adequately put it... the dads around here will " reassure your faith in men" and muskiedad and Dad1st4boys ROCK as dads too !

welcome to the SFV boards

dont forget to check the new posts too.
here ---> http://singlefamilyvoices.com/forum/....php?do=getnew
and for posts your subscribed to ---> http://singlefamilyvoices.com/forum/subscription.php
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Old 01-20-2014, 02:55 AM   #8
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Quote:
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dont forget to check the new posts too.
here ---> http://singlefamilyvoices.com/forum/....php?do=getnew
I think I have to post a few more times in order to access that link.
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Old 01-20-2014, 03:11 AM   #9
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The dad's around here made me look at single fathers in a whole new light. I no longer assume all single parents are women. And I no longer assume that single dad's are deadbeats......
bertrebor, muskie, dad1st, daddycakes are big reasons for that.

Wasn't long ago that I had an outlook like yours... flabbergasted by men who walked the walk and talked the talk.

MB is right... we all kind of stubble in here, on and off, as time permits. This board has helped me form some real friends and have helped me in times when I felt totally alone. As long as my friends are here, I am not alone.
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Old 01-20-2014, 02:09 PM   #10
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I would really like to have friends.
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Old 01-20-2014, 03:27 PM   #11
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we are here, just take your time and the board and more will open up for you, and a whole SFV family will developed for ya.
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Old 01-20-2014, 08:12 PM   #12
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hi onefinewoman, welcome to SFV!

it sounds like you have been through more than most people could even imagine, and i'm so sorry to hear about that heartache and stress. thank goodness you made it through to care for your daughter. time is the best healer and it will take lots of time to feel like you are on the road to recovery and healing.

i also suffer from PTSD, it's something i struggle with. these days life has improved immensely, but i still have setbacks.

while everyone's backgrounds and how they got here are varying to the utmost degrees, we all share the common bond of being single parents, wanting to do the best for our kids, sometimes to the neglect of taking care of ourselves.

thank you for finding us and don't be shy about posting! i was a complete and utter wreck when i joined SFV in 2011...this place has been so helpful.

p.s. congratulations on your upcoming graduation! that is an amazing, wonderful accomplishment, especially considering the circumstances you have described. *hug*
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Old 01-21-2014, 09:36 PM   #13
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Hi!! I'm new too. I am also in school, but I still have almost three years before I will graduate. I quit three times due to ex not wanting me to go.

It will be great to get to know one another.
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Old 01-25-2014, 12:54 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bluewave View Post
thank you for finding us and don't be shy about posting! i was a complete and utter wreck when i joined SFV in 2011...this place has been so helpful.

p.s. congratulations on your upcoming graduation! that is an amazing, wonderful accomplishment, especially considering the circumstances you have described. *hug*
I keep getting emotional when I read this part. I feel like I am just whining if I tell people my history, because most people cannot handle it. What I have posted here is just the most recent contributions to PTSD. There is so much more damage in the years before as well. But anyway, thank you for acknowledging the accomplishment. I rarely let that in for myself.

---------- Post added at 08:54 AM ---------- Previous post was at 08:47 AM ----------

Hi browneyedmom, it's nice to meet you, too.

Congrats on getting back to school. I'm sorry you were stuck with someone so unsupportive. I hope you can enjoy school as you progress through it. I was struck by the constant and intense pull-and-tug in my head of having to legitimize my schooling as a way to make my daughter and my life better. Internalizing the need to justify actions is just a way of keeping that abuse alive. Watch out for that. For me it was less because my ex didn't want me to go and more because he was so completely passive about it and clueless when it came to having our lives work. I lacked support in all ways to get through it. But I am getting through it.

It's cost me my health, and that scares me, but I take steps when I can to get that back online.
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Old 02-07-2014, 12:55 AM   #15
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My last semester began this week and I am already exhausted and forgetful. I keep seeing the potential for a social life and I totally back off and don't participate.

I don't think I know how to feel better about myself anymore. So much of what my ex said and did/didn't do rears up when I try to see myself in a healthier way. And yes, I am working on the counseling situation.

I so wish he were out of our lives. He hasn't seen her in weeks. She actually blew him off for the first time ever last week and it was so hard to see her have to do that. But I get it.

However, his parents are a very important part of DD's life. And she has twin half brothers that she hasn't seen in over a month.

Family relationships are so easy to get lost in. And I keep holding myself back from redefining who I am in any meaningful way.
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Old 02-07-2014, 01:39 AM   #16
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OFW, we all have our ups and downs. I know the part about telling the story of my divorce, I am tired of explaining it. To me it almost seems like a sob story and pity party at times. Then my friends here remind me that it is also a story of Renewal and Forgiveness. That story is not over, just new chapters.
Hang tough with your education, you and your DD will both be better off for it.
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Old 02-07-2014, 01:27 PM   #17
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Hi OFW, just wanted to echo Dad1st's sentiments--take it one day at a time! You can only do, process, handle so much.

I think it's amazing you're almost done with school. It sounds like maybe focusing all your energies on that and your daughter would be helpful...we can't control other people's actions, if they understand or not that's just them...so...my advice is to just deal with what's right in front of you, know you're not alone, and be kind and gentle with yourself. !! It's okay to be an emotional rollercoaster--you've been through a lot and continue to handle all the pressures of being mom and school deadlines. it will get better with time...some days will be better than others.

family relationships are complicated, i agree!!
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Old 02-13-2014, 03:48 AM   #18
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You can only do, process, handle so much.

[...]--you've been through a lot and continue to handle all the pressures of being mom and school deadlines. it will get better with time...some days will be better than others...
Thanks. I have been alone (even though we lived in the same house for 2 years before divorcing) for 6 years now. I went on two dates in all that time and have just a few friends. I know I am just beginning to rebuild my life and that my daughter, my health and our future take up every moment.

I wish it were enough. It doesn't stop the severe loneliness and exhaustion from taking me down. I don't seem able to convince myself that it is. I want friends and at least the self-confidence to find myself worth dating. I just feel like such a total lost cause.
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Old 02-14-2014, 11:04 PM   #19
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It sounds like you are doing a great job accomplishing your goals with school! I know I get lonely too and crave some adult company. I just started a Girl Scout Troop for my daughter and have found some new friends with the other Mom's. They aren't people I would normally meet or hang out with but we have this new bond between our girls and this program and it has been really great for me getting out of the house and DOING stuff. Probably won't meet any men this way, but it is nice to have some other adults to talk to once and awhile.
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