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Old 08-13-2014, 04:25 PM   #1
mom77 Female
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I am a single mum 36 with 6 year old twin girls. Since my husband passed away 8 months back I have had my mum come and live with me. Is this a good idea or should me and my girls try to cope alone with grand parent visits in between ? My mom and me are a generation apart and have usual mom daughter issues.
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Old 08-13-2014, 05:59 PM   #2
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Default Re: help

hi and welcome to SFV! I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my father at a young age, I can only imagine what it would be like to lose your spouse.

as for your question, i think it can't hurt to have as much support around you for you and your girls...and really, it's up to you and your comfort level. My family are thousands of miles apart, and when I became a single mom, i had no family support, but i did have a lot of close friends who supported me. so it's really up to you and how you feel with having your mom with you and your girls.

Maybe you could try it temporarily and re-assess as you go along? again, so sorry for your loss.
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Old 08-13-2014, 06:42 PM   #3
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Default Re: help

Welcome, I agree with Bluewave. Having another adult around when you have young children is a huge help (I would imagine, , never had that myself). It's a huge help unless it causes more problems than it solves. That is a call only you can make.

With twins, I'd say she'd have to be pretty difficult for it not to be worth it.

And I am so sorry for your loss, what an awful blow for you. That has to be so hard to recover from.
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Old 08-16-2014, 03:06 PM   #4
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Default Re: help

Thanks for your help. I just want the girls to grow up without too much pampering which the grandma's can't help resist
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Originally Posted by bluewave View Post
hi and welcome to SFV! I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my father at a young age, I can only imagine what it would be like to lose your spouse.

as for your question, i think it can't hurt to have as much support around you for you and your girls...and really, it's up to you and your comfort level. My family are thousands of miles apart, and when I became a single mom, i had no family support, but i did have a lot of close friends who supported me. so it's really up to you and how you feel with having your mom with you and your girls.

Maybe you could try it temporarily and re-assess as you go along? again, so sorry for your loss.


---------- Post added at 10:06 PM ---------- Previous post was at 10:04 PM ----------

Thanks. I know I have more challenges to face when my princesses grow up. Hopefully we will make the correct choices
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Old 08-18-2014, 12:51 PM   #5
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Default Re: help

Having support can be a big help. As others have said, make sure it works the right way. A pampering grandma is not so bad.

When I was divorced I had no family around and was here less than a year so no friends either, just on my own. Having the opportunity for family around would have been a godsend, as trying to handle everything and hold down a full time job was very difficult.

I would suggest being happy with your mum's help and worry about it if it become a problem instead of worrying about that is could be a problem and turning it down without even seeing how it goes. There is enough stress as a single parent and any way you can alleviate it should be embraced.
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Old 08-19-2014, 04:30 AM   #6
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Default Re: help

Yes its a great idea to have support after what you have been though as my boyfriend has left me and I'm on my own which is very hard
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Old 08-20-2014, 03:51 PM   #7
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Thanks . This was my first post here and glad to get so many shout outs from sfv
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Old 08-20-2014, 05:31 PM   #8
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It's ok well done for asking for advice here lots of lovely friendly people here will help you with any advice or questions you have
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Old 08-20-2014, 06:38 PM   #9
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Default Re: help

Mom77… if it is working for you and your girls and your mum then YES. Family is key and with the loss of your husband, the kids' father… why not? If it gets too much for either you or your mum you can reconfigure later. For now, let it make your days a bit easier!
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Old 08-20-2014, 06:47 PM   #10
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Default Re: help

Hi There and Welcome to out little corner of Insanity!

First off, Sorry for your loss.

As far as your mum moving in, make sure that some ground rules and boundaries are set. Make sure that YOU are in control of the house and she understands her place to be there for supportr. Also, try not to fall into the trap of becoming her little girl again.

I can see this as a very positive thing for the kids, but just procede with caution.

Or perhaps she can be close in a small efficiency apartment. that way she has her space and you have yours.

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Old 08-20-2014, 06:59 PM   #11
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space is a good idea. I like your second option the best where you and your little one cope and see grandma frequently outside the home. Sorry for your loss.
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