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Old 09-25-2013, 09:56 AM   #1
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Default Do you ever feel trapped?

I think I would feel better if I knew that I wasn't alone in my feelings. I have come to the conclusion that my life is the way it is today because of the decisions I made in my 20's. Problem is, I didn't know in my 20's what I know today. So as a result, I feel trapped. I keep thinking about how to make my life better, how to get the life I want, but I can't see a way because of the decisions I made out if ignorance in my youth and 20's, I am trapped with the life I have today with no way out. I keep thinking about different ways to get the life I want, but each path has a brick wall with no way around or over. The only path I have is the one I am living.

Anybody else feel this way?
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Old 09-25-2013, 11:09 AM   #2
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Default Re: Do you ever feel trapped?

I did not feel that way, I lived with my mother, got a job with the federal government, went to college and completed a masters degree and got the job I always wanted. It was hard, alot of work but well worth it now.

What are your goals? paths you have considered? obsticles you have encountered?
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Old 09-25-2013, 12:14 PM   #3
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Default Re: Do you ever feel trapped?

I have a hard time with this post.... what life do you want? That's the question. Seems like you have a pretty darn good one. You have a great career that pays well (though some idiot co-workers), a healthy son, just bought a home, and are building a future. What is so greener on the other side of the fence?

Are there times I feel trapped for past decisions? Yes. I made some terrible financial choices, and then was forced to make more to the point I have to live with my parents right now. I want my freedom and a place of my own. But that will come. My own impatience won't speed that along.
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Old 09-25-2013, 12:29 PM   #4
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Default Re: Do you ever feel trapped?

I'm with LSL. What is it about your life that is making you so depressed?
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Old 09-25-2013, 01:00 PM   #5
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Default Re: Do you ever feel trapped?

when I was younger, i did. I found that if you set a goal, then roll, with what life/people through at you, with it, and respond with grace and dignity and from your perception of what your standards of what life you would like to see, and be left behind when you go [home].

The you will find the peace inside you.

Its not easy, and the journeys path is hard to stay on, however, keeping this rule to live by helps in moving forward and thriving, and not feeling trapped.
thought the feeling do come by for a visit, just gotta wrestle it out the door of your soul.

Hope that helps, or I articulated right ... :/
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Old 09-25-2013, 04:29 PM   #6
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Default Re: Do you ever feel trapped?

hi singlemom123,
i don't think you are alone--what you are experiencing sounds like a good old bout of regret for past actions. i think you're being human and mulling over your past decisions and seeing how it has affected your life and it frustrates you that you didn't have the knowledge you have now to have made better ones in your past.

okay--so you're human and it sucks. i wish i had made better choices earlier on, too. but unfortunately...we only have our present and our future that we can change, now.

do your best to set aside that regret...remember these strong negative feelings *will* pass, and focusing too much on regret will of course make you feel bad and be down on yourself. do your best to take it one day at a time. we can't change our pasts and of course there are many choices I wish i had made differently...do your best to concentrate on your present and your future! you have a lot going for you and you are a strong, capable, talented engineer, you've got this!!! good luck and don't be too hard on yourself for feeling up and down about this adventure.
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Old 09-25-2013, 06:06 PM   #7
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Default Re: Do you ever feel trapped?

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Old 09-26-2013, 10:12 AM   #8
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Default Re: Do you ever feel trapped?

Quote:
Originally Posted by LSL View Post
I have a hard time with this post.... what life do you want? That's the question. Seems like you have a pretty darn good one. You have a great career that pays well (though some idiot co-workers), a healthy son, just bought a home, and are building a future. What is so greener on the other side of the fence?
Short answer: A special man to spend my life with, a life that wasn't so lonely. I chose the life of a man instead of the life of a woman, as a result I have no man in my life, and the option of being a stay-at-home mom is impossible for me, but that is just me.

But honestly, I just wanted to see how others feel with their lives. Do you have any regrets, any thing you wish you had done different? Do you think it would make it better today if you had made better decisions in your past? What would be different today if you had?
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Old 09-26-2013, 10:51 AM   #9
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Default Re: Do you ever feel trapped?

Oh honey... I would encourage you to get some counseling... our worth and happiness is not dependent upon a man in our lives.

I chose the career that is male driven and sexist in general. I get it. What do I wish I did differently.

Sometimes I have fleeting thoughts about going to college right after high school. I would be practicing my 15th year of law...... but then I realize what would be so different. I would not have met my ex, which means I would not have my daughter. I can NOT regret that. She is my life, my heart, the reason I breathe each morning, the part of me that walks the earth outside of my own body. Nope, no regrets.

Besides that, I would not have the experiences in my life that make me the great lawyer I am today.
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Old 09-26-2013, 12:22 PM   #10
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Default Re: Do you ever feel trapped?

I get it SM123. I think I often crave what you crave. I am not career-driven, and would prefer a domestic life. I want to be a stay-at-home mom. I want to clean the house and cook dinner every night, and have a garden, (although some would argue that I lack the domestic skills!) But, as LSL pointed out I try not to have regrets because the path I took has led me to where I am today. If I had the knowledge I have now, I surely would’ve done many things differently, but that it neither here nor there. I am here. My son is here. And, it is my responsibility to provide for him. Period.

I shared my want of a domestic life with the man I am currently involved with, and he claims he wants to provide for us. But, my own trust issues, and independence, among other things will probably keep me from accepting that from him. He is “thriftier” than I am, so I don’t know that I’d be comfortable asking another person for money for new school clothes or shoes for my kid. (when he probably wouldn’t find it necessary) He may think what he has is sufficient. So, even though I crave that life I don’t expect to have it anytime soon. I will probably wait until my son is mid-way through high school before I’ll feel comfortable enough to quit working. So, long story short, I would’ve made different choices, and looked for a mate that wanted that family life, and stay-at-home mom. (but, there are no guarantees – that hypothetical husband/provider could’ve cheated on me, beat me, died of leukemia…anything! And, I could still be a single, working mother today!)
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Old 09-26-2013, 12:25 PM   #11
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Default Re: Do you ever feel trapped?

I guess I look at a lot of it in the opposite way...though when my kids were younger I definitely felt trapped, it was more stuck in the mundane daily tasks than anything else.

I'm not sure I look at my past decisions as mistakes at all... it was my path, could have made different choices, but at the time they made sense with what my experiential knowledge bank was then. There was nothing major telling me "don't marry this man" hindsight is 20:20 of course. I didn't go to college for a year or two out of HS, I worked, made more money then than I have since... it was amazing experience. I got my education and got every drop I could out of it. Had too many kids in a short period of time to make sense out of continuing to work in the field my ed was in. Not a mistake... none of it. Moving out of state, could have been a mistake, could have been the best thing I ever did. There is no way to know what the past would look like had we veered left instead of right, kwim? I do know that even through the misery of the marraige and divorce, WOW I learned more about myself than I think most people in long lasting couples will ever know about what they can handle, who they are as individuals, etc. etc.

Anyway.... that's my twist. I do know most of us go through these times, trapped or maybe it is more about being 'stuck' Stuck, I know we've all felt that. No matter which way we turn we can't find a way out, a way to move on or all directions seem far too overwhelming. Normal, YES. counseling, why not??? It has never hurt a soul and it does sound to me like you are having some depression issues.
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Old 09-26-2013, 12:45 PM   #12
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Default Re: Do you ever feel trapped?

And in walks DC out of left field to reply to this thread!

Feeling trapped is simply a matter of perspective.
Do I feel trapped at times...heck Yes i do.
Trapped in a relationship that lacks affection.
Trapped when I think about home and everyone I miss.
Trapped here in this state where I know very few people.
Trapped in the fact I left So Cal to move to Kentucky of all places to help my ex be close to her mom...well, we all know how that all ended up...

Would I make different decisions? That is hard to say as I wouldn't have my son or possibly even my daughter. I often joke around about wanting to go back to about age 15 with current life's knowledge so I could change a few things...would I be a different person if that happened? YES, would i be a better or worse person? Who Knows...

SM, you have a lot going for you...
Just need to set priorities and goals then achieve them!

Relationships aren't always what they appear to be when you first start out.
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Old 09-26-2013, 01:58 PM   #13
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Default Re: Do you ever feel trapped?

It's weird for me. I felt more trapped the last few years of my marriage to Motherthing. I regret having to go through the divorce, BUT, I am more free now. Even though I don't have time to date, or travel, or have any sort of social life, I am happier now. And I feel free.
I wonder sometimes how my life would have been if I had gotten married earlier instead of in my 30's. I was 41 when DS4 was born.
Would I change things if I could, not if it means not having my great sons. The older they get and the more mature they are the more I am proud of them.
As for a Lady in my life, I do not need one. I'd like one, but it's not a need. I am at a point where I am happy in my life. God has Blessed me so much.
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Old 09-26-2013, 10:58 PM   #14
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Default Re: Do you ever feel trapped?

i agree, there are some decisions that i wish i had made differently. but would that mean i would be giving up my daughters?! how could i wish for that.

i do wish that i had gotten out sooner, that they (we) didn't have to live in terror all the time.

i think that while i wish i had made some different decisions if i think about it--i also know that i just wasn't ready for the life that i'm creating now. i have lots of broken bits to me that i've learned to work through, am still working through, and i'm pretty sure would have sabatoged myself before...

i don't know if that helps. just...i really believe that your mind is powerful enough to create what you envision for yourself. maybe focus on NOT craving a man in your life, and focus on creating a loving place for yourSELF first...? you have a lot to offer to the world (not just to a mere man)--your skills at work, loving and supporting your family, your friends, your interests , so maybe focus on that for a while! and p.s. therapy is really helpful! i'm not embarrassed to admit i've been in therapy and it's very helpful!!
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Old 09-27-2013, 01:41 AM   #15
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Default Re: Do you ever feel trapped?

My ex told the boys that she wished she had met and married her current husband 1st and never met me. My boys said she just wished they did not exist. How can a parent do that to their kids.
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Old 09-27-2013, 01:56 AM   #16
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Default Re: Do you ever feel trapped?

The grass is always greener. I stayed home for over 10 years. It had its goods, it had its bads. I miss it skme days, but know the things I didn't like, would still be there. Hknestly, to work 30 hours a week would be ideal! As for a partner....given the opportunity, thinking if it had come along 3 years ago I would have snatched it up, but now, I am soooo hesitant to even entertain the thought. I think the keh is tk learn tk be content with where, who, and what you are. Seek joy in day to day life. Make friends. Go out of your way to make friends. Talk when you don't want to, go when you'd rather not. I can't imagine not knowing people...it'd drive me crazy. Sometimes we have to be a bit outgoing and pretend to be a naive kid and say, "will you come play with me?"
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Old 01-04-2014, 06:38 PM   #17
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Default Re: Do you ever feel trapped?

I was stuck in a rut for a while there. Not really sure what you want from life, what your goals are or why choices in your 20s have you feeling trapped in your 30s, but this is me.

I bought a house when my 10 year old was a toddler, it was a quiet area at the time of purchase. I chose a really nice private school for her to attend that was a P to 12 school (in Queensland that means never having to change schools) and had a job that I enjoyed. The neighbourhood changed over time. Most of the houses were older government housing houses and I moved in and bought our house at a time when those houses were occupied by friendly families. In around 2008, the year before Miss 10 started school, a quite feral family moved in next to us. That was where it started to go downhill and it became far worse from there. I felt trapped, like nobody would by my house, my daughter's schooling had to be considered, I felt there was no way out. We were both highly stressed and anxious all the time. Then 2012 was quite a challenging year, and at the end of 2012 something terrible happened to my daughter and I in our homes which is when I left and never returned. We spent 2013 in a small country town and focused on selling the house. My daughter went to a nice little public school for the year and adapted well. This year we're moving to another country town but thousands of kms from where we are now. We leave on Saturday by car.

The point to all that is that there is a way out. You may be stuck in a rut. You may not be able to see that even though every door you open has a brick wall behind it that there is a little window and that if you work hard enough, manouvre yourself enough and squeeze yourself through, there is a way out. Not an easy way out, but a way out.

I lost my home, most of my belongings, my sense of security, my job that I loved. My daughter lost her home, her school, her friends, her sense of security and most of her belongings. But we started over. We started fresh. We survived it. You can too!
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Old 01-05-2014, 09:24 AM   #18
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Default Re: Do you ever feel trapped?

Wow, I guess nobodies life is perfect is it? We all have had our rough times. some of you have had it MUCH worse than I have. At least I was never physically abused. Honestly, I do realize that my life is pretty darn good. Like everybody else, it isn't perfect, but what is perfect anyway?

At the daycare the other day I was talking about how I was going to get surgery. One of the little girls there (must have been about 5) said "I got surgery, too!"
I looked at her confused. She proudly pulled down the neck of her shirt to show me the long vertical scar in her chest where she had obviously had heart surgery! Wow, it was like a sign from God saying to me "hey stupid, your problems are nothing compared to what others have to deal with". I felt awful, suddenly my upcoming surgery on my ear didn't seem like such a big deal.
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Old 01-05-2014, 09:37 AM   #19
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Default Re: Do you ever feel trapped?

Everything is important, somebody else's pain doesn't cancel out your own. Just thought I'd share that to show that sometimes we can get stuck in that rut of life with seemingly no way out when in reality there is, but sometimes we can't see it until it becomes a necessity. It was dumb of me not to move when I first wanted to, when I was going through all the reasons why it couldn't be done, because in the end not only did we have to move, we had nothing to show for it.

I've never had surgery, the very thought of it terrifies me, so I think you're very brave for going through with it!
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Old 01-07-2014, 09:40 PM   #20
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Default Re: Do you ever feel trapped?

sometimes i feel trapped, mostly just wondering doubting and being paranoid of everything around me. ever since i became a single mom im like a kitten scared of everything pessimistic of everything asking twice if something good is real and will last. but who would blame you for being like that? youre a single parent, doing mostly everything by yourself responsible for a human being all by yourself and since you arent single you dont want to make any more mistakes in life than you already have.
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Old 01-15-2014, 04:37 PM   #21
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Default Re: Do you ever feel trapped?

Your conclusion is correct in that how our life turns out is directly related to our decisions. I don't blame you for feeling trapped. Perhaps you are in a better position than a lot of us, but it doesn't negate your feelings.

Having children is tough. We as the primary parent sacrifice our time, our resources, our lifestyles, etc. Is it annoying that we end up on our own? Sure.... Is it depressing that when we have a good day there is no one to share it with? Absolutely.

I think some may have taken your post at more than face value. I don't think you hate your life, but you long for the fiction that has been fed to us for years, especially women. There isn't a prince charming and there is no standard idea of family anymore.

The happiness lies within, even if it gets beaten down and covered with mud at times. Look hard and you will find it.
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Children will not remember you for the material things you provided but for the feeling that you cherished them - Richard L. Evans
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Old 01-21-2014, 09:50 PM   #22
browneyedmom Female
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Default Re: Do you ever feel trapped?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Virgo69 View Post
Your conclusion is correct in that how our life turns out is directly related to our decisions. I don't blame you for feeling trapped. Perhaps you are in a better position than a lot of us, but it doesn't negate your feelings.

Having children is tough. We as the primary parent sacrifice our time, our resources, our lifestyles, etc. Is it annoying that we end up on our own? Sure.... Is it depressing that when we have a good day there is no one to share it with? Absolutely.

I think some may have taken your post at more than face value. I don't think you hate your life, but you long for the fiction that has been fed to us for years, especially women. There isn't a prince charming and there is no standard idea of family anymore.

The happiness lies within, even if it gets beaten down and covered with mud at times. Look hard and you will find it.
I couldn't have said it better. We all deal with things and just because they are not as bad as someone else's doesn't mean we still don't have negative feelings. It is ok to feel that way, just set yourself a goal and go for it a little bit at a time.
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