Wild Dancing Thanksgivng Turkey Fed up - Single Parents Forum: Single Family Voices
All forums, topics and discussions are geared to single parents and the issues faced with single parenting.
Support a single parent today and one will support you back!
         


Go Back   Single Parents Forum: Single Family Voices >
(``'·.¸(``'·.¸ Single Parenting - Through The Ages¸.·'´´)¸.·'´´)
> Babes, Children & Teens > Young Adults: 18 - 25


~ Donate Today ~ PLEASE
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 01-29-2014, 09:00 AM   #1
Woodsimply Female
Thinks too much

 
Woodsimply's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: On the wrong side
Posts: 2,751
Rep Power: 154
Woodsimply Has Heart and Soul of an AngelWoodsimply Has Heart and Soul of an AngelWoodsimply Has Heart and Soul of an AngelWoodsimply Has Heart and Soul of an AngelWoodsimply Has Heart and Soul of an AngelWoodsimply Has Heart and Soul of an AngelWoodsimply Has Heart and Soul of an AngelWoodsimply Has Heart and Soul of an AngelWoodsimply Has Heart and Soul of an AngelWoodsimply Has Heart and Soul of an AngelWoodsimply Has Heart and Soul of an Angel
curse Fed up

Morning everyone.

I've been absent for the most part. Dealing, I suppose, with life as it comes, best I know how. I have lurked

A lot has me to the breaking point of sanity, and respectable behavior. But at the top of my mind this morning is my "adult" child B. I didn't see a forum for adult children..

Anyway, he left the day after Christmas which was supposed to be a few days-max 2 weeks. Well, he is still gone and my loft-his temporary room, is an utter f'ed up mess!!!!

Details aside, I'm pissed. I'm angry. I opened my doors when he needed a place. Lesson learned and noted.

I just sent him an email giving him until the weekend of Feb 14 to get his stuff or it will ALL be donated to the kidney foundation.

I'm fed up. Between his uh hm, "adult" self, and everything else I'm dealing with with the other two. I've had it. My niceness has slap wore off.

My question is, I looked and did not see any time frame in my state, regarding abandoned items. Naturally, most of the links are in regards to spouses, not adult children.

Any ideas? If it's in my house, and he left it saying he would be back in a certain time frame, but has not returned or called regarding his things, do I have to act as a storage unit? I don't believe I do, but wanted to hear any thoughts. I talked to T about this almost a year ago when B left the first time, and I believe I have every right to get rid of his stuff....

I won't be in this section for much longer
__________________
~ Good men are bound by conscience and liberated by accountability. ~ Wes Fessler

You cannot get an answer, if you do not ask the question. Say what you need to say.
~Just me
Woodsimply is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-29-2014, 12:14 PM   #2
cf829 Female
At A loss for Words - NOT!


 
cf829's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Ohio
Posts: 1,830
Rep Power: 139
cf829 Has Heart and Soul of an Angelcf829 Has Heart and Soul of an Angelcf829 Has Heart and Soul of an Angelcf829 Has Heart and Soul of an Angelcf829 Has Heart and Soul of an Angelcf829 Has Heart and Soul of an Angelcf829 Has Heart and Soul of an Angelcf829 Has Heart and Soul of an Angelcf829 Has Heart and Soul of an Angelcf829 Has Heart and Soul of an Angelcf829 Has Heart and Soul of an Angel
Default Re: Fed up

You can get rid of his stuff. Just make sure you have proof and to be safe give him 30 days (or ensure you have given 30 days).

Sorry to hear this, I know this has to be hard for you!
cf829 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-29-2014, 03:05 PM   #3
bluewave Female
At A loss for Words - NOT!

 
bluewave's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Somewhere in the Pacific
Posts: 1,742
Rep Power: 153
bluewave Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportbluewave Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportbluewave Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportbluewave Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportbluewave Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportbluewave Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportbluewave Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportbluewave Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportbluewave Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportbluewave Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportbluewave Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Support
Default Re: Fed up

WS: so sorry you are dealing with this ____!!!!

thanks for posting with an update--despite the circumstances, it's nice to be hearing from you!

i agree with cf, i think 30 days would be good, but maybe LSL will be along soon, too...
bluewave is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-29-2014, 03:06 PM   #4
Bluemoon Female
just an old hippie chick

 
Bluemoon's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: In the Mountains
Posts: 8,583
Rep Power: 361
Bluemoon Is a SFV Support LegendBluemoon Is a SFV Support LegendBluemoon Is a SFV Support LegendBluemoon Is a SFV Support LegendBluemoon Is a SFV Support LegendBluemoon Is a SFV Support LegendBluemoon Is a SFV Support LegendBluemoon Is a SFV Support LegendBluemoon Is a SFV Support LegendBluemoon Is a SFV Support LegendBluemoon Is a SFV Support Legend
Default Re: Fed up

Well, he isn't a tenent...has no contract, pays no rent? Not a minor and not a husband. I think you can put his stuff on the curb if you wanted to. Sorry you are having to deal with this type of thing though.
__________________
Never grow a wishbone, Daughter, where your backbone ought to be. Clementine Paddleford


To disagree, one doesn't have to be disagreeable. ~Barry M. Goldwater and Jack Casserly, Goldwater


Life is all about how you handle Plan B. ~ off a Blue Mountain Arts calendar
Bluemoon is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-29-2014, 03:52 PM   #5
trebor Male
Board Beacon Parent
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: 37222
Posts: 746
Rep Power: 155
trebor Has Heart and Soul of an Angeltrebor Has Heart and Soul of an Angeltrebor Has Heart and Soul of an Angeltrebor Has Heart and Soul of an Angeltrebor Has Heart and Soul of an Angeltrebor Has Heart and Soul of an Angeltrebor Has Heart and Soul of an Angeltrebor Has Heart and Soul of an Angeltrebor Has Heart and Soul of an Angeltrebor Has Heart and Soul of an Angeltrebor Has Heart and Soul of an Angel
Default Re: Fed up

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bluemoon View Post
Well, he isn't a tenent...has no contract, pays no rent? Not a minor .
That's actually part of the problem. If he were a tenant you would have a contract specifying terms and penalties. If he were a dependant you could probably do what you like with the stuff. But when you allow someone to move their stuff into your house and stay there, it actually can get tricky depending on the state. We used to do the 30 day thing but the laws here have changed. The eviction process isn't exactly a quick one here.

But this is B and I doubt he would take you to court. It most likely wouldn't be worth it to him anyway unless there are a lot of electronics in the loft. And the penalty for you wouldn't be very great if he did get a judgement against you. So you could probably get rid of the stuff. But the real question for me is, should you? Only you can answer that.

I get the lack of respect thing. Sorry you have this on top of everything else.
trebor is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-29-2014, 04:14 PM   #6
Woodsimply Female
Thinks too much

 
Woodsimply's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: On the wrong side
Posts: 2,751
Rep Power: 154
Woodsimply Has Heart and Soul of an AngelWoodsimply Has Heart and Soul of an AngelWoodsimply Has Heart and Soul of an AngelWoodsimply Has Heart and Soul of an AngelWoodsimply Has Heart and Soul of an AngelWoodsimply Has Heart and Soul of an AngelWoodsimply Has Heart and Soul of an AngelWoodsimply Has Heart and Soul of an AngelWoodsimply Has Heart and Soul of an AngelWoodsimply Has Heart and Soul of an AngelWoodsimply Has Heart and Soul of an Angel
Default Re: Fed up

I told him that even if he came and cleaned it appropriately, which should have been done before he left, (But stupid, exhausted me, took him at his word that it was cleaned up).
I wouldn't be so pissed. But the condition is actually hazardous with the animals we have. The stuff left laying at easy access.
Since it is a loft, it is not sealed off by any means. And I can't watch the animals 24/7 and shouldn't have to.
Nor should I have to clean a 19yr olds hole of a mess.
To me, it's a blatant disregard of all I have done, and very disrespectful- parent/child, tenant/owner, friend/owner, I don't care. Take care of your and your responsibilities. And at least make sure your mess doesn't impede on others safety or comfort.
__________________
~ Good men are bound by conscience and liberated by accountability. ~ Wes Fessler

You cannot get an answer, if you do not ask the question. Say what you need to say.
~Just me
Woodsimply is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-29-2014, 05:54 PM   #7
trebor Male
Board Beacon Parent
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: 37222
Posts: 746
Rep Power: 155
trebor Has Heart and Soul of an Angeltrebor Has Heart and Soul of an Angeltrebor Has Heart and Soul of an Angeltrebor Has Heart and Soul of an Angeltrebor Has Heart and Soul of an Angeltrebor Has Heart and Soul of an Angeltrebor Has Heart and Soul of an Angeltrebor Has Heart and Soul of an Angeltrebor Has Heart and Soul of an Angeltrebor Has Heart and Soul of an Angeltrebor Has Heart and Soul of an Angel
Default Re: Fed up

Quote:
Originally Posted by Woodsimply View Post
I told him that even if he came and cleaned it appropriately, which should have been done before he left, (But stupid, exhausted me, took him at his word that it was cleaned up).
I wouldn't be so pissed. But the condition is actually hazardous with the animals we have. The stuff left laying at easy access.
Since it is a loft, it is not sealed off by any means. And I can't watch the animals 24/7 and shouldn't have to.
Nor should I have to clean a 19yr olds hole of a mess.
To me, it's a blatant disregard of all I have done, and very disrespectful- parent/child, tenant/owner, friend/owner, I don't care. Take care of your and your responsibilities. And at least make sure your mess doesn't impede on others safety or comfort.
I agree with all of that. 100%.

But is donating ALL of his stuff going to make things better, overall? From reading your other posts I have to wonder if it is Bs stuff specifically or a general lack of respect you are feeling from the kids? Is this going to be a temporary fix? Like a pressure valve popping and relieving the pressure only to build up again. But B's stuff will be gone and you may actually make his moving out and moving on more difficult. And what does that do to your relationship later on?

If getting rid of his stuff IS going to make things better, could you sell it on CL or at a yard sale? And give him the money to move forward.
trebor is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-29-2014, 06:44 PM   #8
Woodsimply Female
Thinks too much

 
Woodsimply's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: On the wrong side
Posts: 2,751
Rep Power: 154
Woodsimply Has Heart and Soul of an AngelWoodsimply Has Heart and Soul of an AngelWoodsimply Has Heart and Soul of an AngelWoodsimply Has Heart and Soul of an AngelWoodsimply Has Heart and Soul of an AngelWoodsimply Has Heart and Soul of an AngelWoodsimply Has Heart and Soul of an AngelWoodsimply Has Heart and Soul of an AngelWoodsimply Has Heart and Soul of an AngelWoodsimply Has Heart and Soul of an AngelWoodsimply Has Heart and Soul of an Angel
Default Re: Fed up

Quote:
Originally Posted by trebor View Post
I have to wonder if it is Bs stuff specifically or a general lack of respect you are feeling from the kids? And what does that do to your relationship later on?
.
I hate it when you're right, but you probably are. And I think what gets me the most is the seemingly definitive, conscience choices that are made, mostly by him since he is the oldest, to blatantly defy me and disrespect all it took to get where we are home wise. And trickles down hill if you catch my drift.
More recently, the is trickling sideways, upward, downward, and every which way but loose and quite frankly it's wearing me down.


---------- Post added at 05:44 PM ---------- Previous post was at 05:26 PM ----------

Aha! Thanks Mom. I must have over looked it in my hasty scroll to vent!
__________________
~ Good men are bound by conscience and liberated by accountability. ~ Wes Fessler

You cannot get an answer, if you do not ask the question. Say what you need to say.
~Just me
Woodsimply is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-29-2014, 08:50 PM   #9
muskiedad Male
the one who babbles

 
muskiedad's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: ontario
Posts: 6,124
Rep Power: 303
muskiedad Is a SFV Support Legendmuskiedad Is a SFV Support Legendmuskiedad Is a SFV Support Legendmuskiedad Is a SFV Support Legendmuskiedad Is a SFV Support Legendmuskiedad Is a SFV Support Legendmuskiedad Is a SFV Support Legendmuskiedad Is a SFV Support Legendmuskiedad Is a SFV Support Legendmuskiedad Is a SFV Support Legendmuskiedad Is a SFV Support Legend
Default Re: Fed up

I think trebor is right the stuff is a symbol of how you are being treated. I doubt disposing of it will right that situation.
I guess the only way to deal with that aspect of it is to not get into the position of letting him do this. Easy to say of course. But when he comes back to you for something, you can say "no, you didn't live up to your part of an agreement last time". Let him know you won't be taken advantage of again.
muskiedad is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-29-2014, 08:55 PM   #10
trebor Male
Board Beacon Parent
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: 37222
Posts: 746
Rep Power: 155
trebor Has Heart and Soul of an Angeltrebor Has Heart and Soul of an Angeltrebor Has Heart and Soul of an Angeltrebor Has Heart and Soul of an Angeltrebor Has Heart and Soul of an Angeltrebor Has Heart and Soul of an Angeltrebor Has Heart and Soul of an Angeltrebor Has Heart and Soul of an Angeltrebor Has Heart and Soul of an Angeltrebor Has Heart and Soul of an Angeltrebor Has Heart and Soul of an Angel
Default Re: Fed up

Hey, I get it. I think you keep yourself under control and amazingly centered considering you have 3 kids and J as an ex. There is a lot more complaining from people with a lot less to complain about. And your BS is current not just the dreary whining of a jilted lover from years ago. So I applaud you, really! I just don't want to be the kind of friend who fans the flames and tells you every thought you have is right...because that's a lazy friend. However, if this is the right thing for you, we are all behind you.

---------- Post added at 06:55 PM ---------- Previous post was at 06:53 PM ----------

Quote:
Originally Posted by muskiedad View Post
But when he comes back to you for something, you can say "no, you didn't live up to your part of an agreement last time". Let him know you won't be taken advantage of again.
Oh, and this too.... good one Muskie!
trebor is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-29-2014, 10:41 PM   #11
onefinewoman Female
On the Board
 
onefinewoman's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: California
Posts: 50
Rep Power: 0
onefinewoman is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Re: Fed up

Hi. I am a recent addition to the boards, but I wanted to lend you more support. The YWCA here has a legal consultant. You could check in with one in your area or a renter's association just to know for certain what your legal rights are.

I like the Craigslist idea and the Kidney Foundation idea. Or a yard sale. He can either collect his stuff at it or get the money from it to move on.

After you are clear on your legal parameters and what will happen with the stuff, I think a simple text letting him know those things, without recrimination or additional drama in the text (because no one listens when that happens), is a good idea.

I am sorry you have to deal with this. is there any way to block it off? Even though you shouldn't have to, doing it may lessen stress.
onefinewoman is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-30-2014, 12:54 AM   #12
momofTDR Female
Marja

 
momofTDR's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Pocatello, Idaho
Posts: 1,392
Rep Power: 142
momofTDR Is Rocken These Boards With SupportmomofTDR Is Rocken These Boards With SupportmomofTDR Is Rocken These Boards With SupportmomofTDR Is Rocken These Boards With SupportmomofTDR Is Rocken These Boards With SupportmomofTDR Is Rocken These Boards With SupportmomofTDR Is Rocken These Boards With SupportmomofTDR Is Rocken These Boards With SupportmomofTDR Is Rocken These Boards With SupportmomofTDR Is Rocken These Boards With SupportmomofTDR Is Rocken These Boards With Support
Default Re: Fed up

I would follow cf and give him 30 days, document it all. Then donate him with a final text the morning of, saying you will be donatng in x hours, then follow through. I agree with Muskie...let it be known fool me once shame on yoh, fool me twice shame on me and that won't happen. And, whoever said the lack of respectful behaviors were trickling down...absolutely. when Isaiah is at my house, the littles mimmic his behavior and so then the whole slew of them are brats. Without him...the littles improve greatly.
__________________
Well, it seems once again you're caught between a rock and a crazy place. ~Leonard, BBT~
momofTDR is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-20-2014, 02:43 PM   #13
SingleMom123 Female
Board Blazen Parent
 
SingleMom123's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 426
Rep Power: 105
SingleMom123 has a brilliant futureSingleMom123 has a brilliant futureSingleMom123 has a brilliant futureSingleMom123 has a brilliant future
Default Re: Fed up

I agree with everybody else. If it was me, I would give him 30 days in writing, such as an email or a text (I hear both of those are admissable in court), I think email is probably best. I know at my company they consider email to be "documentation".
SingleMom123 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-20-2014, 08:29 PM   #14
outinthsticks Female
Lively & Zealous Parent
 
outinthsticks's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Texas
Posts: 520
Rep Power: 100
outinthsticks has a reputation beyond reputeoutinthsticks has a reputation beyond reputeoutinthsticks has a reputation beyond reputeoutinthsticks has a reputation beyond reputeoutinthsticks has a reputation beyond reputeoutinthsticks has a reputation beyond reputeoutinthsticks has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Fed up

I don't know if this would work, but can you put it all in a real storage unit facility in his name and tell him you'll pay the first months rent after that it is up to him. If he doesn't pay then the storage company will take his stuff....
outinthsticks is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-21-2014, 01:42 PM   #15
MotherBoard Female
Making The Magic Happen
Mother Of The Board

 
MotherBoard's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Florida ::::::: GO GATORS!!!!!!!
Posts: 4,483
Rep Power: 1
MotherBoard Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportMotherBoard Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportMotherBoard Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportMotherBoard Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportMotherBoard Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportMotherBoard Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportMotherBoard Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportMotherBoard Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportMotherBoard Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportMotherBoard Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportMotherBoard Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Support
Default Re: Fed up

having been in the same situation...

I just got a few moving boxes through every thing in it and tossed out the trash, incorporated what furnished into the house i needed and gave away what i did not, painted and turned the room into my office. when the twin got older, my office turned into another bedroom and each twin had there own...

boxes are still sitting in the closet.

I think, with me it was getting rid of the negative feelings i had about leaving the room in a state of yuk. Once I did it, and it was done, i was able to release that bit of our relationship.

But Im a pushover but if they needed to move back, and they did/do... i make them work for it
__________________
I Got Just One Life, & I wont Back Down
~ Help support our server costs by purchasing an Account Upgrade ~
~ "Like" Our FaceBook Page~
https://www.facebook.com/soloParent
MotherBoard is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-21-2014, 03:38 PM   #16
Dad1st4boys Male
Failure is not an Option.

 
Dad1st4boys's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Western Plains area
Posts: 7,567
Rep Power: 300
Dad1st4boys Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportDad1st4boys Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportDad1st4boys Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportDad1st4boys Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportDad1st4boys Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportDad1st4boys Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportDad1st4boys Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportDad1st4boys Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportDad1st4boys Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportDad1st4boys Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportDad1st4boys Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Support
Default Re: Fed up

I had my ex's last junk stacked in the front room after I cleaned out the storage room. The boys were real edgy with it all there so I e-mailed her that it would be moved to place on the property where it'd be safe and she could pick it up. I had it stacked on pallets, covered with tarps. I took pictures of it all.
__________________
If not me, Then who? Speznaz

The Only Easy Day was Yesterday. NavSpecWar

If it is Important to us we make it happen.......
If it's not, then we make excuses...
Dad1st4boys is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes


Resources: youngrobin.com
Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Beyond fed-up!!!!! HelenaMae Child Support 18 07-21-2013 06:54 AM
Fed. Up. cf829 Custody - Visitation 8 05-07-2012 04:48 PM
Really fed up Jamie's_Mum Dealing With Depression 19 08-30-2011 02:00 PM
fed up smitt2RN Custody - Visitation 1 05-23-2007 10:24 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 09:56 PM.

Some parent places to visit:
A Single Parents
Parent Arium
Solo Parents
Single Parent Personal Ads



Go Like Us On Facebook = facebook.com/SoloParent
Go Like Us On Facebook = facebook.com/SingleParentsInformation
Powered by vbulletin

All forums, topics and discussions are geared to single parents and the issues faced with single parenting.
Support a single parent today and one will support you back!

A Community for single parents, step parents and blended families

Disclaimer Under Section 107 of the Copyright Act 1976, allowance is made for "fair use" for purposes such as criticism, comment, news reporting, teaching, scholarship, and research. Fair use is a use permitted by copyright statute that might otherwise be infringing. Non-profit, educational or personal use tips the balance in favor of fair use.