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Old 06-06-2014, 12:18 PM   #1
Savwy1980 Female
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stubborn Nothing I can do about this..

But, here's my deal today. I am financially drained. Just drained. I had a fair amount in my savings and of course, now that we are headed back to court, the vast majority of that was drained yesterday in retaining the lawyer. I was on the right path- I had gotten my credit score up and was working with a Realtor to get us out of this teeny apartment that haunts my daughter and me daily (thanks to the domestic ____ that occurred there), and now, once again, I'm having to tell my children that we may have to wait. It's heart breaking. I want to do EVERYTHING in my power for them, but the ex is consistently draining me financially one way or another. Another thing not helping the situation is that the ex does not help his mother financially, and I can't sit back and watch her suffer after all she's done for me in watching the kids when I needed it. So, in the past 6 months, I've probably doled out about $500 or more to her for medical expenses, food, etc. Not to mention that my own father had gifted her money as well to help out. The exes dad passed in August and since then she has struggled and her health has steadily declined, so I cannot tell her no. I've mentioned this all to the ex, as he only pays $200 a month in child support, WHEN he pays it, and his response is that I'm lying and I'm being greedy and he's not doing a d*** thing else. I mean really?!! Your own mother and you can't be bothered. Smh. And if allll of this wasn't enough to worry about- I enrolled my kids at a new daycare facility and we have all been over the moon about it, because they are just sooooo wonderful and active there. However, summer camp involves A LOT of outside fees from the norm and in draining my savings yesterday, I worry...

No, no one can fix this, but I'm sure I'm not alone in feeling so completely overwhelmed financially, so words of wisdom- GO!
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Old 06-06-2014, 12:35 PM   #2
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Default Re: Nothing I can do about this..

I know this feeling; when food becomes a financial goal and making ends meet takes great effort and planning. I am sorry to hear you are currently in this boat. Fight hard to stay afloat. I don't know how I feel about hearing you are taking care of your ex's mother. I feel like you should cut ties... I am sorry to say it, but you are the center for your family now, the decisions you make matter most to your children - not your ex's mother. They have a saying for Life Guards, where you put the person you are saving between you and the rocks otherwise you will both be crushed.
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Old 06-06-2014, 12:43 PM   #3
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Default Re: Nothing I can do about this..

Thanks 1st. I have several friends telling me the same, as well as my dad. I guess the ex's mother & I have bonded more since him being gone- I mean I would call her friend, but there again there comes a point where you just have to say no. I stay pretty burdened down. Last weekend I spent all weekend helping her move into a new home, using my gas money to do so. Yesterday, I had just dropped big money on the attorney and ran by her house on my way to work, and I was almost out of the driveway when she came to ask me to "borrow" $50. I said yes. I know I'm to blame for that and saying it out loud makes me feel pretty dumb actually. I did tell her that was it- that I am drained and she will have to figure stuff out. Actually, my words were more like "I'm not an atm, so please relay that to UG (her brother)." Gahhh
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Old 06-06-2014, 02:47 PM   #4
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Default Re: Nothing I can do about this..

Honestly it sounds like she is using you.... cut ties.
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Old 06-06-2014, 02:52 PM   #5
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Default Re: Nothing I can do about this..

I was thinking, you may have just given a part of your CS back to the NCP.
Sorry for your situation. Sounds like they all have you in a tough spot
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Old 06-06-2014, 02:58 PM   #6
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Default Re: Nothing I can do about this..

Yes, I feel badly for our mother-in-law, but you have to maintain your boundaries now. I'm so sorry you are in this position! Be gentle with yourself with this transition--your ex isn't giving you a choice, really--he is the reason you are in this situation, so you have to put your kids first. Be thankful for all that you've done for her, and for what she's done for her. And let her be thankful for what you've done in the past, because now you have to rebuild the future. If she truly loves your children, she will understand.
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Old 06-07-2014, 01:40 AM   #7
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Default Re: Nothing I can do about this..

Can you counterclaim on your answer? How long since you reviewed your child support?

The finances. Constant battle. I feel guilty and am always trying to figure out how to get into a house. The reality is my credit needs some serious help after being unemployed for a few years....... I hate the feeling that my child will never know what it means to live in a house owned by her family..... but there are worse things. And teaching our kids that we do provide for them, and protect them, is infinitely more valuable.

I have heard my daughter say more times than I can count "I am going to college. I have watched you struggle and sacrifice. I will do school first." She is watching. Your kids are too.
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Old 06-08-2014, 11:32 PM   #8
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Default Re: Nothing I can do about this..

In August I called CSE to ask about reviewing the case, as it has never increased (or decreased) and I was told that if my case was reviewed my child support would actually decrease, so the best bet was to leave it alone. So, I have.

My kids are definitely watching. It just breaks my heart when incidences likes this happen (literally happened today):

Me: Hey guys, you want a drink or something?
Daughter: Nah- you need to be saving money, not spending it.
Me: I can afford a $1 drink baby.
Daughter: well, just get the cheapest one you can find then, but you don't have to mom.

This after I was summoned to go get the exes mom's meds because she had no money to do so. Sigh. I feel like the only way to "cut ties" is to move away, but let's see, as the primary custodian, I'm not allowed. I wonder if this is something I should go ahead and address in the upcoming custody battle? I feel completely lost and..just broken right now. The taking care of everyone but me is finally taking it's toll.

Sorry to ramble...really really rough day today. I think I've cried 70% of the day away and I'm not a crier.
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Old 06-08-2014, 11:34 PM   #9
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Default Re: Nothing I can do about this..

Talk to your attorney about child support and have her calculate. I do not trust CS. If you have open litigation you can use discovery to get info in ways the state cannot.
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