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Old 12-06-2011, 04:08 AM   #1
Shawn76 Male
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Default How will my family react to

Me having a biracial child.
My family knows my ex is pregnant and that the baby will be biracial but I am worried about what they are thinking about it all. The baby will be the first biracial child on my side of family so this is going to be all new for me.
Has anyone had any problems with family not accepting the baby as part of the family since it is mixed race?
I wasn't going to let this bother me but my ex said she was worried about it,I assured her that everything was ok so she didn't stress out,but to be honest,I have no idea how they feel and I know if I ask they won't be honest with me if they don't like it.
It's not going to change the way I parent the baby,He/She is still a part of me and I will provide for it as I provide for my other 2 kids.I suppose the only way to deal with it is to wait until the baby is born and if they don't like it they can stay away.That's about all I can come up with when dealing with them.I am not going to allow anyone to say anything negative about my child and not say something back to them.
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Old 12-06-2011, 07:26 AM   #2
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Default Re: How will my family react to

Shawn, I'm sure others will be along to tell you positive (I hope) experiences that they have had. Even if they aren't so positive, it wouldn't mean anything about your family.

I have not experienced this (biracial baby), but I believe that while it may take some adjustment in regards to worrying about what others are thinking - unless your parents are heartless, ignorant, bigots - they will make those adjustments just fine.

I'm assuming you know your parents are not heartless, ignorant, bigots. If they were (like my parents) you would have had no doubt about it the minuet they learned you were getting close with someone of another race in any way, shape, or form. They wouldn't lie to you about it...they would be too outraged to care about your feelings.

You need to stop worrying about what others are thinking, too. Frankly, even if they don't like that the child is mixed race, that doesn't neccessarily mean that they won't love the child.

The situation is not all that black and white...and OK, the pun was intended, .
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Old 12-06-2011, 08:45 AM   #3
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Default Re: How will my family react to

Unless your family is in the Klan or skinheads, it won't matter....
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Old 12-06-2011, 11:23 AM   #4
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Default Re: How will my family react to

The child will be a) human, b) your child, c) loved. What more is there? I would not even make it an issue. If some boneheaded moron can not see the child as FAMILY, then let them go, move on with your raising of your child.
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Old 12-06-2011, 12:06 PM   #5
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worship Re: How will my family react to

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Originally Posted by Dad1st4boys View Post
The child will be a) human, b) your child, c) loved. What more is there? I would not even make it an issue. If some boneheaded moron can not see the child as FAMILY, then let them go, move on with your raising of your child.
Yep Like this and totally agree. All children are a gift.
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Old 12-06-2011, 02:21 PM   #6
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Default Re: How will my family react to

I have 2, almost 3 biracial nieces and I don't see any difference what so ever, except I envy their beautiful skin tones....

My dad use to tell us girls when we were in our teens that if we married a black man he would disown us.... granted this was about 20 years ago. He has since very much changed his minds. His grandbabies are his WORLD. He loves them to death and would do anything for them. When the first was born, he though it cute to call her "swirl" you know, black and vanilla ice cream..... but we hated it. And told him why, and he stopped.

Things change. Babies have a way of changing them.
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Old 12-09-2011, 01:09 AM   #7
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Default Re: How will my family react to

It won't matter they will love their grandchild.
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Old 12-09-2011, 12:24 PM   #8
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Smile Re: How will my family react to

I have 5 Biracial children...my Dad was very prejiduce when I was a child over 30 years ago..(maybe that why I chose another race)
he is now pasted away but never did he deny his grandchildren..actually he did more for my children then my sisters who were not biracial...
..but I do recommend talking with them
they know you have been dating this person "RIGHT"..if so then they will be ok with this...

I hope that it works out..biracial children is the new norm..these days.


Sometimes its all in our own heads..what others will think
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Old 12-10-2011, 02:10 AM   #9
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Default Re: How will my family react to

I'm feeling better about it now. Since it is near Christmas,my sister has invited her and her daughter over for our yearly get together.My sister already knows about the baby and she is ok with it and has offered to let her borrow some things she has for the baby.I am ok with her going even though things aren't the best with us,but maybe things will work out eventually between us.We are talking some now and things are more civil the before,maybe she is realizing what I knew all along,whatever the case,I am still keeping my distance for the time being.
My mom was a little shocked at first but hasn't said anything negative about it.
I think some of my problem is they don't know her to well since she never really came around much. Just have to see how Christmas dinner goes with my family.
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Old 12-10-2011, 02:12 AM   #10
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Default Re: How will my family react to

the way i see it is we all are a little biracial ourselves and my daughter is latino and italian so she has the dark golden to die for skin tone.. and you know what shawn once they look into that babys eyes color will not mean a thing to them...it will be love at first sight and if not atleast they will have a dad that loves them to pieces but i vote the grandparents are gonna take to the baby just fine and they will have grandma and grandpa wrapped around their lil fingers..
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Old 12-10-2011, 04:24 AM   #11
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Default Re: How will my family react to

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the way i see it is we all are a little biracial ourselves and my daughter is latino and italian so she has the dark golden to die for skin tone.. and you know what shawn once they look into that babys eyes color will not mean a thing to them...it will be love at first sight and if not atleast they will have a dad that loves them to pieces but i vote the grandparents are gonna take to the baby just fine and they will have grandma and grandpa wrapped around their lil fingers..
I really hope my whole family is like that. I think my sister (Who I was always close to) and my mom and dad are ok with it. My sister just doesn't invite anyone to her house and by inviting her,even though we aren't a couple,shows me she is willing to give it a shot.
I'll have that kid spoiled in no time! Skin color was never an issue with me and this is the first time I have dated outside of my race.I never really gave it much thought before I met her and didn't really see it as a problem when we started dating and it started to get serious.I didn't fall in love with her for her skin color or looks,I took the time to get to know her (around 4 months) before we even started dating.I fell in love with the person I got to know. I didn't expect our relationship to produce a child,but it did and I am embracing it and looking forward to being a dad again. I do want to work it out with her,but she has to be willing to make compromises and changes in order for that to happen. I will say that she isn't keeping me from going to Dr visits or anything and she is giving the baby my last name.We've already got the names picked out as well. I guess the next few months will be crucial in what my future holds with her.The longer I stay out of the relationship,maybe the more she will realize what kind of person I really am and find the reason why we started to see each other in the first place. I know I am way off topic from my post here but a little history about us. When we first met,I had a strange feeling about her and that she was the one for me,reason I was so willing to wait 4 months for her and get to know her like I did before we dated.With her,she had the same feeling but didn't know how to react to a person like me who treated her with respect and wasn't out for one thing only.I think she still struggles with that in a way as well as her family.Every relationship she has been in has ended because of physical abuse or them cheating on her,I haven't and won't do that type of thing to a woman. Her family is sorta protective of her in the relationship area because of her history but yet they haven't taken the time to get to know me for who I am and just throw me in the category along with her past relationships. I do know she told her sister that she better get used to me being around because I will be a part of the kids life.Her sister didn't like it to well from what I understand but my ex has stood her ground on it. Her family wants me to walk away since that is what happened with her daughters father,he walked away while she was pregnant and has never met his child. So there is a lot of tension there with her family,but I think she is starting to see what is going on and trying to take care of the problem the best she can.
Me and her have been through more then a lot of other couples have been through but somehow we always made our way back to each other and was able to work it out.This has been the longest we have been broke up and I am the one holding out,waiting to see if she will change. I would rather it be this way now instead of jumping right back with things still in a bit of a mess between us. Either way,I will be around my child as much as possible and she isn't going to stop that.She knows how I am with my kids and nothing will hold me back from being a part of my childs life. We have not talked about going to court and letting them decide what visits or child support should be,I feel I made a nice enough offer if we don't work things out,which I will pay support with a money order or check so I don't get hit with back support if the state gets in the middle,and we have visits all worked out as well. I agreed to $50 a week plus buying some of what the baby needs,clothes,diapers formula,and whatever else and visits would be 3x a week for a few hours at a time and when she goes back to work,the baby will come to me instead of child care facility. So I will have a lo of time with the baby. We haven't discussed overnights yet,which I think I will ask for 1 overnight until the baby is at least a year old but not to exceed being 24 hours away from her.I really think that is fair and it gives us both a good amount of time with the baby.
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Old 12-10-2011, 09:55 AM   #12
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Default Re: How will my family react to

First to your original question: my family's experience has been positive. The oldest daughter of one of my cousins is biracial, and she has always been accepted and loved as much as the rest of the children, right up to my now deceased 99-year-old grandpa. But that's my family. Others may not be as accepting, and even if yours is, well... we still live in a society that has pockets of racism and people can be cruel. If not within your family, be prepared to defend and emotionally support your new child elsewhere.
As for how things are going with you and her, it does sound like you're working things out reasonably and that is great. It doesn't necessarily mean you will get back together but I'm glad for both of you that you can work things out as to parenting your new baby.
As for getting back together- well, the fact that you've broken up and gotten back together a number of times means that as much as you care about each other, something is really NOT WORKING. Don't get back together unless you both agree to couples counseling. Just my $.02.
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Old 12-10-2011, 03:18 PM   #13
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Default Re: How will my family react to

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First to your original question: my family's experience has been positive. The oldest daughter of one of my cousins is biracial, and she has always been accepted and loved as much as the rest of the children, right up to my now deceased 99-year-old grandpa. But that's my family. Others may not be as accepting, and even if yours is, well... we still live in a society that has pockets of racism and people can be cruel. If not within your family, be prepared to defend and emotionally support your new child elsewhere.
As for how things are going with you and her, it does sound like you're working things out reasonably and that is great. It doesn't necessarily mean you will get back together but I'm glad for both of you that you can work things out as to parenting your new baby.
As for getting back together- well, the fact that you've broken up and gotten back together a number of times means that as much as you care about each other, something is really NOT WORKING. Don't get back together unless you both agree to couples counseling. Just my $.02.
Yeah I left that part out,that was also part of the deal with us getting back together,we have to do couples counseling. I know we have gone back and fourth to many times and the reason I haven't jumped right back into it even though things are calmed down right now,I know it will be a never ending cycle if I did and I am not doing it anymore. I don't want the kids thinking it's ok to do that kind of thing and it is just to much stress on both of us.I'd rather keep it at friends and get along with her for the babies sake rather then argue about every little thing.
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Old 01-18-2013, 11:09 PM   #14
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Default Re: How will my family react to

You cannot allow your family to dictate your relationship with your child's mother or how you treat your child at all! my relationship with my dad and mom is so strained right now because I was about marry my daughter's dad. Our relationship did not end because of that because of other personal reasons surrounding him. However, I do believe his inability or lack of commitment to develop a relationship with our daughter has a lot to do with how my parents feel and their racist views. My parents wanted me back at home so he couldn't come here and see her. My dad made it perfectly clear he was not to ever set foot in his house. Their views have put a wall up for my daughter to ever have the relationship I wanted her to have with her dad until I can move and start over with my life. PLEASE DON'T ALLOW YOUR FAMILY TO DO THAT TO YOUR CHILD! PLEASE!

---------- Post added at 10:09 PM ---------- Previous post was at 09:11 PM ----------

From the posts that I read you sound like a good guy and every relationship whether you are parenting together in the same house or co-parenting there is give and take on both sides. I don't think that will be a problem for you guys. I didn't mean to sound super negative in my first post but, my situation has happened to be very dramatic. nontheless, my family loves my daughter and was very excited to have her around because she is their first grandchild. I guess I felt compelled to be so rash because I do live in Georgia and there are still some places that are very racist. My family has a Christian backing but even in that everyone still has their issues that need to be resolved in their hearts. All I can do and advice anyone else to do is to teach my child to love each and every person for who they are and how they show and give love to others. I think that is the goal of most parents anyway. I'm sure things will work out great for you guys. You both seem to have a level head and want the best for your child. Good Luck and congrats.
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